After JHS and the pen-down parties I over enjoyed, I moved to stay with my auntie. That was where I met Buju, at work. I was working to save enough money for when my results were released so I could continue with school. It was a friend who set us up. She said we would hit it off at once, she felt it in her bones, so I agreed. She didn’t lie.

In no time, we went from being friends to the talking stage to dating. It was fast, but I was sure about it. Never mind that I was a teenager full of hormones who may not have been thinking straight. He was the king and I was the queen in his kingdom. Whatever I needed, I only had to ask. And honestly, most of the time all I needed from him was snuggles and attention, and he gave both willingly. We didn’t go anywhere separately unless we had work or other responsibilities. Everyone knew, this is Buju’s girlfriend.

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Then our relationship suffered. I moved from my auntie’s place to another, and somehow we lost the habit of communication, and we went down the drain. We went days without talking.

Then I completed SHS and went back to a town for a job they had recommended me for. Living in that town was close to living in the underworld, no parties, no decent pub to visit, nothing but walls and time. Boredom was killing me when it struck me that I could call Buju.

Let it be known that Buju had been sterile all along. I tested and tried him for three good years, and not once did I miss my period. But sometime after we met again, I found out I was pregnant. It should have been joyful news, but it wasn’t. Before I discovered I was pregnant, I mentioned that he was sterile because for three years, while I was with him, we were having unprotected sex and I never once got pregnant, not once. He didn’t look like someone who could shoot, so when he even suggested protection that particular day, I rejected it. In my mind, what was the use if you can’t shoot?

In the days that followed, I drank things. I used hangers. Every method I had heard of while in SHS, I tried, but it didn’t come out. I fell to the ground intentionally. I jumped and exercised vigorously. But the baby was determined to live, so I gave it a chance.

With that, I thought the world was giving Buju a sign to start a family. But I packed my bags and ran. No one had to tell me, if you don’t run, you die here, it was written in the air. And it was then that I found out who he really was. As if he wasn’t a partaker in the act that brought about the baby, he said, “You are to blame for this. Are you a child that you cannot simply take care of it?”

I knew what he meant, and I was disappointed on multiple levels. Disappointed in him, because if only we had been talking, he would have known that I had already tried everything. And disappointed in myself, for not making better choices in men, for not finding a better option for this child. But I had grown to love what was coming, and I welcomed the idea of becoming a mother, even if I was going to do it alone.

Two years later, I was the one forcing him to do things just so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. He sent money once in a while, and even that I had to cry and beg before it came. The only reasonable thing he brought was baby clothes, which weren’t even appropriate. He brought girl onesies for a baby boy. Then the worst of it was they were all pink. I could have done with blue or green, but pink for a boy. But I took them anyway.

Well, my child is two years old now, and I have come to a conclusion. He has no child with me. He has no right to claim my child in the future. My child has no father’s name, therefore I have accepted that he has no dad.

My problem right now is that I want to go to court and have the law call him up so he will sign a bond stating that he will not come and harass or embarrass me in the future because of my son. I know the kind of person he is.

He keeps begging me to forgive him, saying things are hard for him right now but that in the future everything will be alright. Why would you wait for the future to be alright when you can start doing something now? Most fathers I know will go to hell and back for their kids. Not my baby daddy. He is just being lazy.

I really want to serve him a legal letter to stay away from my boy and me, because as far as I’m concerned, I don’t know him. I have gone to Social Welfare twice, and neither visit yielded any positive results.

It is because of the future that I want to do this. I cannot suffer and sacrifice for someone to come and enjoy the rewards. It is either he becomes responsible now, or never. Right now I am the one taking care of my boy completely alone while he is out there enjoying himself. Please, can this legal thing be done? How do I go about it?

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There is also something I still don’t understand. Why didn’t I get pregnant all that time, but then I did later? Was it a punishment? I don’t think Buju himself was even aware of his issue let alone thought of treating it. I still cannot wrap my head around how this pregnancy happened. This child should not be here at all, because Buju was definitely impotent when I met him for the very first time.

–Kura

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