I’m 25, and he is 28. Very soon, our relationship will turn a year old. In the mornings, we may send a long paragraph to each other, thanking God for bringing us together, and we post each other on our status. We might even send little gifts. And the day just goes on from there.
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We are talking seriously about marriage now, planning to have our wedding next year. He’s a good man. The kind that’s very rare to find these days, where so many men give you nothing but cramps and still expect to be praised. He is very humble. He doesn’t have much, but the little he gets, he always shares with me. I know he loves me. He is Godly, he is principled. In short, he has all the qualities my kind of man should have.
Except for one thing that has been troubling me. I don’t find him physically attractive.
We can talk over the phone for hours, laugh, talk about anything. I’m not really a ‘dates’ person, so most of the time, we just meet at his house. Of course, we haven’t done the deed yet. We agreed to wait until we are married, and that’s not a problem for either of us.
What surprises me the most is this: when I go to his place, I don’t have a problem finding the chemistry that should be there. We talk about everything. We gossip, we laugh, and there is a real sense of peace when I look at him. It is just that the physical spark is not there. When he’s escorting me, or when we meet outside, I sometimes feel like turning into a housefly just to fly away from him. The chemistry vanishes into thin air. Most of the time, when he is talking to me face-to-face, I get bored so easily. Girl, I just be yawning every two minutes.
Don’t get me wrong, I like him. Scratch that, I love him too. But the problem is with the attraction, and please don’t judge me. I don’t want this relationship to end. If push comes to shove and we have to break up, I want that to be the very last point on the menu. I want to exhaust everything there is to fix this dilemma first.
Maybe his dressing is also a contributing factor, I guess. It’s not that it’s bad, but it’s not good either. Not the best. The colour combinations, the fit of the clothes… I mean, there’s that one trouser I always find him wearing every day I visit him, whether it’s day or evening. Frankly speaking, I don’t like it. I know I can approach him about that, but I believe it’s not just about the dressing. There is more to it. Because even when we meet elsewhere, on the rare times we go out and he’s not in those trousers, I still feel the same way. The chemistry is just not there when I am with him.
Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z
Is there anything else I can do about this physical attraction thing? And to you, my married friends, does physical attraction really contribute anything, or is it not such a big deal in the long run?
Please, help me.
—Yawa
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I’m not married though but physical attraction must be there. As long as you never said he’s ugly then you can fix him but if he’s not then a decorated monkey is still a monkey. Help yourself by turning him to the kind of man you desire. Tell him you’ll go clothes shopping with him whenever he wants to get clothes, watch fashion magazines with him telling him how certain colors don’t much without making him feel it’s about him and also start correcting his flaws before you marry ok . That’s the only way to go or else if he senses that he’s not attractive to you he’ll take it as you don’t love him at all. You know it hurts 🤕
You have said it all Lael, so just do that and I’m sure everything will work out just fine. I wish you all the best
YOU ARE PHYSICALLY NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM. THAT IS NOT ABNORMAL, THE CHEMISTRY MUST BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT. YOU DIDNT MENTION THAT THESE UNATTRACTIVENESS HAPPENS SOMETIMES, ITS ALWAYS THERE IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT HE PUTS ON. YOU HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIS INNER TRAITS WITHOUT IN THE ABSENCE OF THE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. MY DEAR DONT BE DECIEVED, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT, THE FACT THAT YOU DONT FIND HIM INTERESTING AND WOULD YAWN EVERY TWO MINUTES IS A SIGN THAT YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN.
UNTIL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS NO MORE A DEAL FOR YOU PLEASE DO HIM A FAVOR BY LEAVING HIM.
I AM A MAN, I HAVE MET GOOD WOMEN – ONE REFERRED TO AS WIFE MATERIAL BUT GENUINELY NOT ATTRACTIVE TO THEM PHYSICALLY. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE WITHOUT LEAVING ANY STONE UNTURNED.
YOU KNEW THIS FROM THE ONSET BUT YOU WENT AHEAD TO ACCEPT TO BE WITH HIM WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE REMAINED FRIENDS AND TRIED TO SEE HOW BEST YOU CAN HELP HIM TO IMPROVE AND SEE IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM.
YOU CANT HAVE IT ALL WITH ONE PERSON BUT THERE THINGS YOU DONT IGNORE WHEN YOU WANNA HAVE LONG TERM AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE.