I saw a quote on social media that reads “If a lady loves you, she will buy you gifts. Women have money.” My girlfriend is the lady they speak of in this quote. Before I met her, I couldn’t believe any lady would be willing to lift a finger for any guy financially. Whenever we talk about women and money, it’s always about women collecting money from men and nothing more but my girlfriend and her way of doing things helped me changed all that perception. When I met her, I didn’t have much to my name, yet, she stayed with me. She gave me all the financial assistance I needed. When I moved into a new apartment, I needed a new mattress. Things were hard for me. She came to my rescue and bought me a new mattress.

When Covid hit, I lost my job. I became paranoid about life because I didn’t know what the future holds. I thought she was going to leave the relationship. She had every reason to leave but she stayed.  It was during those dark moments of my life that her light came shining through. She was supportive and patient. She never kept anything from me, especially when it came to money. When she had it, she let it showed. It’s not even the money that made me love her the way I did but the way she constantly lavished me with love that made me love her the more.

Up until recently, I had vowed to love her forever. My vows haven’t changed, she has and I don’t know if it’s reasonable to stay in the relationship after all I have come to know. It all started when I saw my girlfriend with a shisha pipe in her mouth. She was with her sister. We had a heated argument about it. I was considering leaving the relationship but the thought of it scared me. So, when she threatened to leave me, I got scared and instead apologized to her. We settled our differences later and we became the lovers we once were.

She lived in a guest house she claimed belonged to her uncle. I believed her until one day I realized it was a lie. That place she called a guesthouse was actually a brothel owned by her father. Not only that, but she also lied about the place she was working. That hurt so bad until the worse happened. There were some guys she was moving with. I asked about them and she told me they were friends; “Friends even my family knows about them.” That was a lie. Those men were people she performed ‘favors’ for. You can call them friends with benefit.

I got worried—devastated actually. When I confronted her, she admitted the truth but said, “Those are things of the past. It’s not something I do. They belong to my past.” I sought advice from a couple of people who said I shouldn’t make a fuss about it because they were things in her past. They said, “If you love her you should look past all that.” I did. I tried all my best to look beyond all that so I could love her like every man would love his woman.  We all have a past we are not proud of, right? So why would I hold her past against her?

We were back to being the love birds until I caught her going through my phone one day. It didn’t bother me. I had nothing to hide and there was nothing bad to find on my phone. But I said to myself, “If she’s going through my phone then I’m also allowed to go through hers,” so I picked her phone one day and went through it.  That day will easily qualify for the worse day of my life. The things I saw, nothing in the world prepared me for it.

There were nudes she had sent to many guys on her contact. These were guys she told me were just friends. Not only that, she had engaged in a series of intimate acts with all of them. And all these happened while we were together.

The pain was too much for me that I got knackered. There was nothing to live for again with her so I decided to back out of the relationship. I was done. But I needed someone to talk to about what I’d found out so I spoke to a few of her own friends. They couldn’t believe what I was telling them. They felt I was just looking for a way to leave the relationship that was why I was trying hard to tarnish her name.

I went to talk to her mother about it. Maybe she could find a way to save her daughter from the rotten life she was living. Her mother got broken after hearing just a quarter of the things her daughter was doing. Looking at the pain she was going through, I decided to not go further but instead water some of the issues down. Upon everything, I still loved her. The optimist in me said I could help her change. Her mother gave me all the support I needed so I got back together with her but with conditions;

#1. She would have to change her contact so all the people she was messing with would not get to her again.
#2. That, if she repeated any of the things she had done previously, her mother was going to be the first to know about it.

She agreed.

Her mother grew fond of me, she would call me and give me update on my girlfriend when I was out of town. She called once to tell me my girlfriend had been staying in my apartment. The thought of having my love back in my room was thrilling, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I loved her and I was determined to make it work.

Her mother fell sick and was admitted to the hospital. While I was moving around with her looking for a solution to her mother’s problem, I got hold of her phone and thought, “Let me see what this girl had been up to since she changed her contact.” I was shocked to notice that she had contacted all her ex-boyfriends and the people she was doing the naughty stuff with. She had even had new people on her web that she does naughty stuff with. I couldn’t hold the anger and disappointment. I told myself, “Enough is enough. This is where I stop.”

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I still love her but I can’t understand why she can’t change to save both of us the trouble. She had come to me on several occasions with an apology. She wants us to continue our relationship. I wish I could but I am afraid of the person she is. She had betrayed my trust and thrown all the chances I’ve given her to the dogs. After a few weeks, she came to tell me she had turned a new leaf but I don’t think I can bring myself to live with all her lies. How she could be both the best thing in my life and also the worse thing baffles me.

Maybe this could be the end of us or maybe there could be a change of heart but now, all I want from her is to confess her deeds to her family so they’ll know who she truly is and help her stay out of those acts. I believe it’s because I’m the only one trying to help her that’s why I’m not able to succeed but if her friends and family come in, then maybe, we can cause a positive change in her life.

Or maybe I should move on with my life and never look back. But I still love her regardless of what has happened. I want her and I want to know how the future would look like to live with a supportive woman like her. Am I pushing beyond my limit? Is it alright to hope for a change? Would she ever change? Or I’m just being a silly optimist?

–A. Oppong 

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