I carried my daughter for nine months. I went through swollen feet, sleepless nights, endless nausea and a labor I thought would take my life. So when my husband said he wanted to name our child after his twenty-three-year-old sister, something in me froze. I asked him calmly at first, “Why your sister? If you don’t have a name, why don’t we name her after my mother? At least she has earned it.” He replied, “Should I have a reason before naming my own child after my sister?”
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That’s where everything began to fall apart. The disrespect in the statement. The assumption that because I am the woman, I should carry the pregnancy, go through the pain, and still have no say in the name. My mother housed us for three years when we had nothing. When we were married and struggling, she fed us, sheltered us and treated my husband like her own son. If anyone deserved honor, it was that woman. So I asked him again, “Why don’t we name her after my mom then? She deserves this.” He responded, “So what about my own mother? I should skip her and name her after yours?”
I said, “Fine. Name her after your mother. Name her after your grandmother, aunt, anyone… but not your sister. She is too young to have a child named after her. She has not lived life. She has not sacrificed anything. She hasn’t done anything that warrants such honor.”
But he twisted it. He said I hated his sister. He said I was being ungrateful for what his sister “did” for us. I laughed. What did she do? She lived in our house. She ate my food. She wore clothes I washed with my own hands. She charged her phone with my electricity, enjoyed the comfort of our space, and depended on us until she got a job. How does that turn into “she has earned the honor of having a child named after her”? If anything, she should be thanking me for treating her like a sister, not a burden.
Yet my husband keeps saying, “We shall see.” I told him plainly, “There’s nothing to see. I will never call my daughter that name. I won’t even allow it to be written in any book.” It pains me that a simple thing like naming a child—our child—has turned into a war of egos. I can’t shake the feeling that he wants to impose his decision just to prove he is the head of the house. Not because he has a meaningful reason. Not because his sister deserves it. But because he wants to win.
Is it too much to want sense in the naming of my own child? Is it too much to want the name to carry meaning, honor, sacrifice, story? Why should a child be named after someone who has done nothing? Why should I, the mother, have no say? Why should I be forced into a name I don’t believe in?
Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?
A name carries weight. A name carries spirit. A name is the first legacy we give our children. And I refuse, with everything in me, to give my daughter a name that insults the very journey that brought her into this world. My husband may be the father, but I am the mother. And my voice must count. If this makes me stubborn in the eyes of some people, then so be it. Because it’s my daughter, my pain, my body and my motherhood on the line.
Tell me; am I asking for too much? Or is it that some men simply forget the value of a woman the moment the child arrives?
—Princess
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well done for knowing and exercising your rights, the child belongs to both of you and you two must decide and reach a mutual conclusion. if he can’t choose anyone of high status then name her after yourself
Fighting will not solve the problem and bring peace to your house. Your husband obviously loves his sister, it’s not about her achievements. So let him win this time, but agree between both of you that the next one will be named after your name choice. You might even agree on the name now, as part of the agreement. This is called compromise, something you need to learn.
Sorry, if I sound rude but it seems you got married to a boy. Why should naming a child turn into a win or lose competition? A child is not a dog to give him/her any name that takes your fancy. He should think through carefully before chosing a name. Doesn’t he have any elderly people who have led exemplary lives in his family that he would want his child to emulate? Names are spiritual. It’s not about who wins the battle. If he refuses to budge, take a step and appeal to his mom. Tell her you want the child to be named after her but her son will not hear of it. Let’s see who will be fighting your husband after that!
I made it a point respectfully to my husband that I will not carry a pregnancy which takes a toll on my entire body, changes me completely and when others are doing 9 months normally I’m doing 10+ months only to shut down when it comes to naming the child. So in our home I choose the First name and my husbands surname. And that’s what we have done for our 4 kids boys and girls. The first name comes from me the surname from their Father. It’s been peaceful so far everybody gets to have a say no one is left feeling like their input is not important.