I am the first daughter of my mother, and she had five of us, all girls. Growing up, there was this idea that the eldest sister is like a third parent to the younger ones. That was me. I was their second mother. I played that role the way mothers do—with sacrifice. But when it was my turn to need something, there was no grace for me. I would always have to be the one to sacrifice.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

When I finished senior high school, I turned into a house help for a family, just to bring another source of income home. Family comes first, right? I did that for two years—caring for someone else’s home and sending money back to my family. When I finally returned home, I decided that I had done enough. It was always going to be time for me to continue my school, but when I said it, my mother disagreed.

“You can’t go to school,” she said. “You are the big sister. You need to pave the way for the younger ones by stepping aside and bringing money home. That is it.” There was no further explanation. The only reason was that I was the first child. And I was.

Meanwhile, with my own eyes, I saw how my mother spoke to her own elder sister. It was so bad. There was no respect, no regard for her in any way. It was mainly because my mom had a little money on her. I looked at that and I saw my future. That was going to be my life. My younger siblings would go to school, graduate, believe they were better than me because they had money, and then disrespect me. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want my life to be like that. I was not going to trade my birthright like that. No.

So I had to leave home; no, she pushed me out of the house.

READ ALSO: My Second Wife Is Pushing Me To Cheat On Her

By that time, I was already running two jobs so I could feed myself with one and save the other for school. One day, I went to work and came back to find that my mother had moved her things from where we were renting to a different place. She had left my things behind. So I picked up my things, and I had to go stay with the man I was dating at that time.

That was not an easy battle. For some reason, my then boyfriend thought, “You’re my girlfriend, your body belongs to me. I can ask for intimacy whenever I want, and you have no right to reject me.” So whenever he wanted it, I had to give in. Otherwise, he would force it. He would beat me, scratch my face, use force to get it. The struggle between me and him was too much.

I always say that when people see it, they’ll be like, “Hey, you wanted a license to sleep around.” But no. I needed to protect myself from pregnancy. They didn’t know what was happening in the night. They didn’t know the kind of demons I was facing then. Having a child was not in any of my plans. I wanted to go to school, graduate, and be whatever I wanted to be. And I am doing it. I worked so hard.

I worked. I saved. I have started school. I have applied for scholarships whenever I see one. I would pray before hitting the send button. I prayed over my emails, prayed that I would receive that congratulations. I know one day it would come so quick.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

And currently, I’m in level 300. I am getting to my dreams small small, and in all, I’m grateful to God. Because as I’m writing this, my younger sister is going to tertiary, and everybody is supporting her. It was then it dawned on me. If I had sat down to take care of them, they would have passed me by and gone to tertiary. The other ones would pass by. Then I would have to call them for money. And they would ask me, “What did you do with your life?”

Just yesterday she called, asking how my results are going and saying that I should strive to bring first class. I know parents think they know what’s best for their children, but trust me, I believe otherwise. Sometimes, selfishness and low self-esteem drive our parents.

—Rita

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB<>