Last year, on September 1st, I sent a message to a lady on social media. I was 30 years old at the time, and she turned out to be 31. After chatting for a while, she gave me her number so we could talk more. Though we didn’t talk often, our conversations were great. It didn’t take long before I found myself catching feelings for her. I asked her to be my girlfriend but she turned me down. “Let’s keep being friends and see how it goes,” she said. I understood.

Mostly, we texted, but one day I decided to call her. I could feel how happy she was to hear from me. She was doing her clinicals at the mental hospital then, so I decided to keep her company until she completed.

As time went on, we became very close. It was almost like we had known each other for years. When she completed her clinicals and went back to the university, I noticed she was struggling financially. She didn’t ask me for assistance. I was the one who decided to send her a small token from my heart. I’m an unemployed graduate trying to survive, but I still wanted to help her.

From there, we grew even closer. She would call me in the morning before class and after class. We spoke every day. One night, she asked for help to pay for electricity, and I sent her something small again. The way she praised me, you’d think I had given her manna from heaven! It touched my heart. I told myself, “If this something this small can make her so happy then I will make it a habit of giving her gifts.”

Every time I did, she would hail me as if I were the only man in her life. She even said she wanted to meet me in person before accepting my proposal. We planned to meet in December that year but it didn’t happen. I was disappointed but it didn’t get in the way of our friendship.

Then, at the beginning of the new year, she told me, “There is a man here who wants me. He has sent elders to talk to my family about his interest in me.” At that point, I knew my chances were fading. She said she wasn’t interested but they had advised her to think about it.

In May, she called me asking for assistance. I sent her something small. Instead of her usual gratitude, what I sensed this time was regret and remorse. I even felt more confused when she said, “Forgive me if I don’t make it up to you.”

She didn’t explain herself but she still called and talked to me regularly as if nothing had changed. Whenever she needed something, she would reach out, and I’d help if I could.

To be honest, she really knows how to communicate. Her words can make you fall in love and make you believe she’s the holiest woman alive. Maybe that was my Achilles heel.

Recently, she came to Accra from Tamale. She knows very well that I’m in Accra, but she didn’t call to let me know or meet me. Later, she turned around to blame me for not making the effort to see her. It was all so strange but I chose to quietly let things play out.

One day while we were on a call, she received another call. When she came back, she said it was the same guy who was being forced on her to marry. I didn’t say anything, but deep down, I wondered why she would not go to him when she needed help.

It’s been a year since we started talking, and from all indications, I don’t think she has any real feelings for me. When she needs something, she remembers me — but otherwise, I’m invisible.

Because of our constant phone communication, any time I try to start a new relationship, it doesn’t work. When another lady calls me, her call comes as call waiting. Every single time!

Now, I honestly want to end this whole talking stage, but the moment I decide to stop calling, she will call to ask why I’ve been quiet. Sometimes I even wonder if she’s been sent to torment me or something because I’m confused. I don’t know what she wants from me. Why won’t she focus on the man she has accepted to marry?

She says it’s me she wants yet she won’t tell me where I stand in her life. We’ve been in the talking stage since last year. Who does that?

I am not comfortable with confrontations. That’s why I keep letting things slide. Nonetheless, I want to cut her off. How should I go about it peacefully? I am uneasy about doing anything that would result in bad blood between us.

—Gabs

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