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In 2009 when I completed the university, I found it very hard to get a job. After a year of struggles and going up and down distributing my CVs, my uncle came to my aid. He has lived all his life in the US. He said to me, “I’ll help you to come to the USA. There’s always something for your kind.” So finally in 2011, I left Ghana and traveled to the USA a few months later, I got a job. My uncle told me, “Getting a job here isn’t enough. You need one extra job.” I got that one extra job. It was a four-hour-a-day job. Soon, I came to the realization that two jobs weren’t going to cut it for me. I found another one. And then another one. By the time I realized it, all the hours in my life had been filled with jobs.

That was the reason why I couldn’t get time to be on social media. In 2010, a friend told me about Facebook and I created an account. I couldn’t wrap my head around the app so I didn’t see the need to be overly involved. I lost my password. Months later, I created a new one that I didn’t also use. I forgot my login details. While in the US, I tried again. I’d wanted to be connected with old friends but it looked like there was something about me that didn’t like the idea of being on social media. I kept the accounts but I posted nothing. 

I will wake up at dawn, open my timeline and silently take a stroll reading what others have written. If it’s funny, I will laugh. If it’s nonsense, I will judge. That was all about it. I never thought that a day will come when someone will use my activity on social media to judge whether or not I’m a husband material. 

I came to Ghana in January 2021, found Sofia, and decided to make her my girlfriend. Getting her attention was tough but I tried. One day I got her to give me her number. That very day I called. She didn’t pick. She didn’t also call back. The next day I called. Again, she didn’t pick. That reminded me of what a friend told me long ago. She said, “As for my number, I’ll give it to you but who will pick up the phone when you call?” Maybe that was exactly what Sofia was doing to me. I’m not a man who gives up that easily so I kept calling.

I found out where she went to church. One Sunday, I dressed up and went to her church. Luckily for me, after church service, they called all newcomers to come to the front of the church. I went. You mention your name, where you come from, and your reason for visiting the church. When it got to my turn, I said, “I’m here because of Sofia. She invited me.” I looked in her direction. She saw my face and started laughing. After church she came to me; “Why did you do that?” She asked me. I said, “Why did I do what?” 

“Why will you stand in the presence of God and lie?”

“God knows I didn’t lie. He knows I’m here because your attitude invited me here.”

“My attitude?”

“Yes, you don’t pick my calls so I came to where I will find you.”

“What’s your number again?”

Sad. She didn’t even save my number. That day, while she stood right in front of me, I called her line and she picked. She asked, “Are you happy now?” I said, “I will be happier if you pick up the next time I call.”

So our friendship began. Slowly and tediously, I got to know about her. She asked questions about me and I answered. She was more interested in what I was doing in the USA and if I had intentions of coming to settle in Ghana. I told her, “I will come back home later in life but not now.” We went out one evening and I proposed. She said, “I like you. Your pursuing spirit gets me interested in you but let’s give it some time and see. I need to know you better than I do now so I can decide.” I told her, “I have just a few days to leave Ghana. Try and give me a response before I leave.” She answered, “It all depends on what I find.”

We got on very well. She was calling more often than I did. I loved her sense of humor and how smart and intelligent she was. I started dreaming of our kids contesting in the National Science and Maths Quiz. Then one day she said, “I typed your name on Facebook and didn’t find you.” I said, “Oh really, I don’t use my real name there.” She asked why and I said “Nothing.” She said, “Send me your name.” I did. She asked, “Are you on Instagram?” I said, “No.” “How about TikTok?” I asked, “Which one too is that?”

Later in the day, she called; “Is that all you have on Facebook? Only 217 friends? You don’t even have a single photo there. Your Dp is a car? Are you a car?” I said calmly, “I’m not a social media person. This is my third account. I keep losing passwords because I hardly use them.” She asked, “Tell me the truth. What are you hiding?” I said, “Nothing. I’m telling you the truth.” She said, “You’re married right? You have a wife in the US. You came here just to play with the hearts of ladies, right?” I was shocked. “Why will you say all that?” She screamed, “Who isn’t on social media in this modern world?”

I replied, “Me. I am there but I am not there.”

She said, “You think I’m a small girl. Don’t call my line again. You borgas think we are monkeys down here that you can give us banana. I’ll give myself to you and the next thing I know, you’re married with seven kids. Aboa!”

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Seriously I was at a loss. How can my absence on social media cause her to think all that thoughts? True to her words, she didn’t pick up my calls. When I went to her house, she was receptive. I asked her questions and she responded. I asked, “What’s your fear?” She said, “I have no fear. I’m old enough to know how this trick works.” I said, “You can meet my mother. You can meet my siblings. I will let you talk to my sisters. Will that be enough?” She said, “No, that won’t be enough. I’ll talk to them and ask them questions? Who does that? I need to find things out for myself. I don’t need to be told. Your families are on your side, not on my side. They can lie to save you. Let me know who you interact with online. When you post, which people comment and what do they say. I don’t need to ask you if you smoke or drink. I have to see it for myself.”

That day, I changed my DP. There was a photo I snapped with her. I used it as my DP. I started sending out friends request to a few people I know. They accepted. We talked. I called to ask her, “How am I doing?” She said, “Ask me that question when you get to 1000 friends with real conversations on your posts. Don’t forget to add your colleagues at work. Get real.”

I’ve been in the US since February and I’ve been very active on Facebook and Instagram because of her. Yes, I have over 1000 friends now. I post photos of the places I go to and the events I attend. She’s always the first person to comment on my stuff. Three weeks ago she accepted my proposal after meeting my parents and making friends with my sisters. She told one of my sisters, “If I later find out that your brother is married and you’re covering up for him, I swear I will kill you.” It’s funny the way she takes these things seriously but if that’s the only thing that will make her trust me, why not?

We are growing in love each day. My next visit will be in December and if everything goes according to plan, we will get married. 

—Harry

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