My ex-boyfriend kept me in poverty. He made me feel like loving him was all I deserved and nothing else. For two years, he gave me nothing yet controlled the little I had. When I asked him for help, he made it look like I was in his life to make him poor. “I don’t have it. If I give you this, what else would be left for me?”

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He told me he was saving for our marriage, yet in two years, the only thing he showed me were two bottles of schnapps. He said, “Look, I’ve even bought the schnapps. The rest will follow soon.”

When my salary came, he asked how much I was saving. He would force me to save almost everything but later come for a loan—a loan he never paid back. I needed my money to help pay the medical bill for my mom. He asked, “So you mean if I didn’t owe you this money, you wouldn’t have been able to pay for your mom’s health?”

He would tell me he didn’t like a woman who was fond of making him feel less because he owed her. I loved him, but I was also scared of him. I took his words to mean everything, so I didn’t go against them. When he didn’t give yet took from me, he told me it was for our good as a couple. The day I gathered courage and was leaving the relationship, I didn’t say goodbye.

I was far gone before he realized it and came to beg. He came with the schnapps and said, “I’ve even bought the schnapps meant for our marriage. What do you want me to do with them?” I answered, “Drink them or give them to me to pour libation and thank my ancestors for opening my eyes.”

A year later, Kwamena came into my life. I couldn’t ask for help from him. Even when he gave to me willingly, I refused to accept it because where I came from, no one gave me anything. He said, “It’s out of love that I’m giving this to you, take it.” I asked him, “If I take this, what will you use tomorrow?”

He laughed at me and said tomorrow would take care of itself. When he brought a gift on my birthday, I shuddered. “All that for me? You’ll go broke ooo and blame me for it. Please, it’s too much.”

All he did was be good to me, but I complained because I was scared. He asked me, “What’s your fear? Do you think I will waste everything without thinking about the future?” I answered, “That’s what I learned.”

He drove me to the hospital and paid my bills. “Is this guy trying to buy me? Why is he doing all that for me?” I asked myself. When we got home, I gave him the money and he said, “Why do you take pleasure in embarrassing me? Do you think I don’t have the money and I’m pretending? I know you don’t need my money, but let someone take care of you. You can’t do it all.”

Where I came from, we were so poor we couldn’t afford care and compassion. I was used to being taken for granted while I gave my all. When he asked me to marry him, I asked, “How much should I contribute to make it possible?” He said, “Do you want to marry yourself?”

He came with clothes today and came with sandals tomorrow. He came with rings the next day and asked me to go and see the designer for my measurements to be taken. I was waiting for the turn of the schnapps, but it never came until I saw them during the traditional wedding.

She Would Introduce Me To Rich Men Who’ll Give Me Money

I dated my ex for only two years, but what he put me through stayed with me for years. My husband proved that I’m not a gold digger just because I asked for help from the one I’m doing life with. I’m not a material woman just because I accepted beautiful things from my man. And I didn’t need to see schnapps to believe in the intentions of the man who loves me.

So whenever I see libation being poured, I remember my ex and dedicate the prayers from the libation to him. Maybe he was born fetish and missed his call. How else would he buy schnapps and keep them for years as a sign of his promise?

—Faith

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