I am a 27-year-old married woman who is questioning my decision to stay married to my husband. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years—basically since I was 18. He was my first everything. Right from the moment we started dating, he asked if I would like to marry him someday. I said, “I don’t see myself with anyone else.” We’ve been inseparable since then.

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Today, we have a 1-year-old daughter. And the truth is, I couldn’t have asked for a better father for her. He is an amazing dad. The problem is that while he’s great at fatherhood, he feels like an average husband. He treats me with love and respect, I won’t deny that. However, he doesn’t understand my love language.

It’s not as if I haven’t told him what to do to make me feel seen and loved. I’ve found nice ways to let him know I want gifts on special occasions. “We should go on dates once in a while too,” I have said.

He listens attentively but he doesn’t do them.

I used to buy him gifts, even when we were not celebrating occasions. Just to let him know I saw something that made me think of him. I had to stop all of that because he wasn’t reciprocating my efforts.

I am not saying I expected him to buy me stuff in return for giving him gifts. You know, love is supposed to be an art of partnership. We are supposed to nurture each other but here lies the case where I was doing it all alone. Even when it comes to money, his attitude is the same.

I work very hard so I have my own money. Whenever he is down financially, I would support him. I would do everything possible to make him feel comfortable. But let the tables turn right now, he would lift up empty hands and tell me, “I am broke. I don’t have anything to spare.” Guys, this man has a job o.

It has gotten to a point where I get angry when he asks me for money. Meanwhile, this s not who I am. When I love someone, what is mine is theirs, but it hurts when the person you are willing to give the world won’t even lend you a needle when you need one.

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He showed me I can’t rely on him in hard times so I am always looking for better opportunities so I am never in a position where I need his money. That’s how I ended up in a different town for work.

There, I met a man who didn’t hold anything back from me despite knowing that I am married. Gifts, money, affection, he was generous with all of it. He knew his way around my body in ways my husband doesn’t.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

He wanted us to be together officially, but I told him I couldn’t leave my husband because I don’t want my daughter to be a product of a broken home. He says he will be waiting for me to change my mind.

I am beginning to wonder if my marriage is worth holding on to. I have returned home so I don’t see him anymore. Regardless, the way this man treated me makes me think of him even when I am with my husband. Will it be selfish of me to choose my own happiness and go be with the man?

—Nicole

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