About three years ago, I ended my relationship with the mother of my child after I caught her cheating on me. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I remember promising myself I wouldn’t allow love to hurt me again. Since then, I’ve focused on raising my child and kept communication with my ex strictly about parenting.

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In July, I met a 23-year-old woman called Mambee. She is apprenticing as a dressmaker. I am three years older than her but just like me, she has also been hurt before. We bonded quickly over our shared pain.

In time, I proposed love to her and she said yes. From that moment, I was intentional about loving her the way she deserved. With her, I found peace and happiness I hadn’t felt in years.

Her only fear was that I might one day return to my child’s mother. I understood her worry and reassured her that it would never happen. Coincidentally, my ex did reach out during our first week together, but I firmly turned her down and made my boundaries clear, “I am only interested in co-parenting, not reconciliation.”

I was transparent with Mambee. She had access to my phone and knew who I spoke to. She also knew I always prioritised her. She always closed late from work. So at night, I’d wait for her with food. She’d sometimes take my egg without asking, and I never minded. It was in those little things I found joy.

As a teacher, I often had exams to mark. She was kind enough to stay up with me until dawn, helping with the scripts. She marked the objectives while I did the theory. Those nights meant a lot to me. It gave me a sense of security that I had truly found someone I could build a future with.

When school went on break, I stayed in the town where I teach just to be close to her. During that time, she travelled to her village to harvest maize. I had originally planned to visit my family in Kumasi, where my parents and grandmother live, as well as my ex. But I delayed my trip because I sensed she wasn’t comfortable with the idea. I chose her peace of mind over my own plans.

It didn’t end well. When she returned from the village, she was different, distant, easily upset, and emotionally withdrawn. I tried to stay patient. One evening, when I kissed her, she responded, so I thought there was still hope.

To be sure of her feelings, I decided to test her. I lied that I had travelled to Kumasi when I hadn’t. When she found out, she was upset.

“I don’t like being tested. Don’t do that to me again.”

“I am sorry. I am just trying to figure out why you’ve changed. Now that you’ve caught me, let’s talk. What’s going on?

After a long silence, she told me she would like to stop dating me. Her reason was that she couldn’t concentrate at work because her mind was always on me. I was shocked. Why break up with me because of this?

I did my best to persuade her to change her mind but she insisted on ending things.

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I was heartbroken. Just days earlier, we were fine. I stayed in town only for her. In all my years of teaching here, she is the only woman I have ever brought into my room. I was committed to her. I loved her.

Now, I have to accept her decision and move on, although it is painful. I don’t believe in going back once things end, that’s why I never returned to my child’s mother. Even when she kept saying she wanted me back.

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She once told me she dreamed that I left her, and when she came back, I didn’t take her back. And honestly, if that day ever comes in reality, I won’t. Because despite all I gave, she still let go. That disappointed me deeply.

All I ever did was love her. All I’ve ever done is love with a genuine heart, but I always get hurt. Tell me, was Mambee fair to me? How can you break up with me because you think about me a lot? Even when said felt the same way, it didn’t matter to her.

—Lucas

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