I met Osman right after I completed high school. He was my first love. Everything I learned about love, taught me. Everything I learned about kissing a boy, he taught. Pleasure, passion, pain, and heartbreak, he was my first experience when it came to them.

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Osman caught every girl’s attention wherever he went. I was so happy when he chose me among the many. Little did I know that I was signing up for a tight competition. Imagine loving a boy every girl wants. All he did was cheat on me. That’s why we didn’t work out. I loved him dearly but he wasn’t ready to change.

When I left, he did everything he could to win me back, but I refused to take him back. I still loved him but I did my best to move on.

Now, I am married to Fuseini, a wonderful man who lives abroad. It’s been nine years since my family gave my hand to him in marriage. We have three children that I work around the clock to raise, while he is out there taking care of us.

Osman is also married with a child. Despite the changes in our lives, we haven’t completely moved on from each other. I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. He also says he thinks about me a lot of times. Although I have no intention of being with him, we talk.

He tells me he still loves me. “I try so hard but I can’t get you out of my mind,” he often confesses. Something we decide to cut off contact, so we’d focus on our families. It doesn’t work. We could go for an entire month, two, or three without talking. Then he would text me. Or I would send him a message to check up on him. All of a sudden we’d start talking again.

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I have no desire to cheat on my husband and lose my marriage. He is a good man. He has cheated on me in the past but I forgave him. My experience with Osman has taught me that cheating is something men do. So I chose to stay with my husband regardless of what he did. I continue to be a dutiful wife and I don’t want to mess it up.

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I am just having a hard time getting over my first love, and I don’t know what to do. The more I hold on to this love, the more depressed I feel that we belong to different worlds now. I need to stop thinking about him so I can focus solely on my husband and children. What can I do to get Osman out of my mind and my heart?

— Halima

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