When the first pregnancy happened, he said he wasn’t ready for a child. I understood him. I was also not ready for motherhood yet. Besides, it was only the first year of our relationship. I felt a baby was too big a commitment while we were still getting to know each other. We made the mutual decision not to keep it.

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I am not a sexual person. Most of the time he is the one who puts pressure on me when he is in the mood. Every time I told him I didn’t want to risk another pregnancy, he would respond, “I promise I will withdraw. Nothing will happen.”

Oh, but something did happen. Another pregnancy.

“You know what you have to do. I’m not ready to be a father right now.”

“I can’t keep on like this because you don’t want fatherhood now. We are growing. If now is not the time, then when?”

We had been together for a while, at this point. I was ready to have the baby and nothing he said was enough to change my mind. When he saw that he wouldn’t have his way, he got angry and stopped talking to me. I was hurt but I decided to focus on my pregnancy and leave him alone.

Six months after I had the baby, he came bearing apologies.

“I didn’t know what got into me to abandon you the way I did. I promise to do better if you give me another chance.”

I considered the fact that we have a child together and gave him another chance.

Now I am pregnant with baby number two. It happened the way the other one happened. Even on days I told him I wasn’t safe, he kept saying he would pull out.

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Well, that method didn’t work. His response when I broke the news to him was, “I already told you I am not ready for this. You went ahead and had one, only for you to get pregnant again?”

He is making it seem it’s my fault. I know I should have protected myself. But why didn’t he also protect himself if he knew he didn’t want a child? I don’t understand why men insist on doing it raw when they know they are not ready to bear the responsibilities of fatherhood.

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Anyway, I told him I am keeping this one too. Though we are not financially comfortable, I believe we can pool our resources together to make it work. He is not happy about my decision. As far as he is concerned, I should let it go.

The thing is, I am beginning to show. So what he wants is not an option. Do I leave him to do whatever he feels comfortable with? Or should I insist he sticks around and take responsibility?

—Raych

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