I asked him what he wanted in a woman, and he went on a ranting spree, listing a thousand things he wanted in a woman:
“A virtuous woman who fears God.”
“A woman who knows how to cook and keep a home.”
“A woman who knows how to handle kids ’cause we are going to have many.”
“A supportive woman. Not a ‘mine-is-mine-and-yours-is-ours’ kind of woman.”
“She should be beautiful like you,” and many other things I’ve forgotten.

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Then he said, “I know you can do all that. I see a virtuous woman in you, that’s why I’ve been fighting hard to get you.”

After everything, he asked, “What do you also want in a man, especially someone who wants to marry you in the shortest time possible?”

“Money,” I responded.

He waited to hear the rest of the list. I said, “That’s all I want in a man, especially if that man is you.”

He laughed, and I smiled in return. He asked what I meant when I said money. I told him, “Money. The money we all know. If a man should want everything you’ve listed, then that man should come with money.”

I liked him. When we started talking, I saw in him a man I could live with. He was funny and outgoing, just like I wanted my man to be. But right after he made that list, I felt like his mind was already made up on the kind of woman he wanted. Men are like that. They know who they want, and they don’t hide it.

But he started withdrawing. When I realized it, I stopped calling to see how it would go. Slowly, he faded into the crowd, which I didn’t mind. People change their minds all the time.

About a month later, he resurfaced. And when he came back, he tried to shame me for wanting a man who has money.

He said, “I was serious about you because I thought I could build with you. It’s unfortunate you’re looking for an already-made man.”

I responded, “You’re also looking for an already-made wife, right? All the things you listed can’t be found in a woman who’s learning to be a wife, so I had to be honest with you.”

And then he asked, “So does that mean you’ll change your mind so we can work things together?” I answered, “I already know what you want, and I do too. We don’t need to compromise at this point. There would be problems.”

He said, “Hmmm,” and went back to where he resurfaced from.

I didn’t have a problem with his list. It’s good for a man to want all that in a woman. It gives him security. It gives him assurance about the stability of his life. It gives him a solid springboard on which he can jump into great things. If any man has a wife who has all the qualities he listed, that man is a lucky man.

I didn’t make a list. All I said was money, and he thought I was asking for too much. But go through his list. Everything he listed were things people do for money, but he wanted it for free in the name of love. But I can’t ask for money in the name of love?

I’m not a money-conscious woman. I know how to work hard. I know how to earn my means. That’s why I have two side jobs plus my 9-to-5.

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If a man wants to build with me, that’s fine. Come to the table with a building mindset and also know that a woman who will cook, handle kids, keep a home running by cleaning and doing fittings might not be able to do other things that will make her enough money to support financially.

I felt he didn’t understand the depth of what he wanted in a woman, so I had to cut off the interest in him, though I liked him at first. Or am I not making sense?

—Juliet

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