He tells his friends that I’m the best he’s ever had. When they argue about the kind of women they’re dating, my boyfriend uses me as an example of the kind of woman every man should date. But I’m here wondering if it’s worth it to date a guy like him.

We’ve been together for a year. The only thing I’ve received from him is a chocolate he gave me on Valentine’s Day last year. Even that, he said, was something he got from an office he visited.

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He would call me on Friday night and say, “My guys are coming over tomorrow. Can you come and do something for us?”

You’d expect him to reimburse me for the money I spent on groceries, but no. I would shop, cook, and serve his friends while they played video games all day. And what would I get in return? “Abi, I told you. She’s the best woman a man can ever have.”

I did this more than three times until I started asking for my money back. That day, he told me he would refund me when I got home. I had no money on me, so I asked him to send me mobile money. He sent half of what I asked for and promised to give me the rest in the evening. He never did.

I give to him randomly. I write sweet messages to him randomly. He takes screenshots and posts them on his WhatsApp status with captions like, “Get a girl who loves you this much.” When we go out, I pay for the Yango ride. When we eat out, I offer to split the bill. I do all these things hoping he’ll learn.

I believe communication isn’t always verbal. To me, if I have to spell something out before you do it, it feels inauthentic—like you’re only doing it because I said so. I wouldn’t appreciate it if you did. It would feel like I begged for it. That’s why I haven’t verbalized my needs.

He tells the world he loves me. He shows me off and proudly tells his friends, “As for my girl, she’s not materialistic ooo. She’s not one of those girls who’ll ask you to send money urgently.”

A Man Who Haggles Over The Price Of An Item Is A Red Flag


Yes, I’m not that kind of girl because I don’t want to ask for something before it’s done for me. I’m not asking for the world on a plate. I’m not demanding his pound of flesh. I’m simply asking him to learn to reciprocate—naturally, without me having to ask. The little things. Is that too much to ask for?

— Nelly

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