One of the first things he told me about himself was, “I have been single for some time now.” When I asked if there was a reason for his singlehood he said, “My focus has been on building my life.” He looked so innocent and serious that it did not even occur to me that he could be lying.

As we spoke more, he made it clear that he was content with the way his life was going. “Now, I feel ready to be with someone. And I want that person to be you. You are the woman I want to do life with,” he proposed. At that point, I had gotten to know him enough to want to be with him too. It made it easy for me to say yes.

Shortly after I started dating him, I started seeing him in a way I didn’t see him when we were only friends. A lot of things didn’t add up. So I started asking questions and looking into things. I almost didn’t believe what I found.

Not only was Kwesi in another relationship, he was in relationships. One of his girlfriends was even pregnant with his child. I was a cocktail of emotions. On one hand, I was shocked. I couldn’t even reconcile the quiet and gentle face of the man I was dating with the things I had learned about him. On the other hand, I felt hurt and betrayed.

When I confronted him, he didn’t deny it. He admitted that he lied to me to get me into the relationship. He was sincere in his apologies. “I hid all this from you because of my feelings for you. I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He assured me that he was no longer romantically involved with them.

I was madly in love with him at this point. So in love that I was not ready to walk away from him just yet. I chose to give him another chance and we carried on with the relationship.

It didn’t take long before he got the opportunity to travel outside the country. We didn’t break up when he left. We kept the relationship long distance until he came for me after six months of his stay here.

Before I joined him, we got married. He told me, “We can’t tell my family yet. You know another lady is pregnant with my child. If I tell them I want to marry you they will say it’s not right. So we have to do a simple court wedding at their blind side.” A secret wedding just didn’t feel right to me. Besides, that wasn’t how I wanted to get married.

Regardless of my feelings about the whole thing, I agreed to marry him. I was sure that once I got to where he was, we would live our lives as a couple. That was the most important thing. Also, I believed we would tell his family about us when the timing was right.

When I got to Canada, I found out he had been sleeping with another lady within the short period he got here. I didn’t ask him about it because I didn’t want us to start having misunderstandings when our married life was just beginning.

Although I had my own expectations of what living together would mean for us, some things are beyond my control. We hardly meet at home since I got here. He works during the day while I work night shifts. This makes it difficult for us to spend some quality time together.

The few times we are both together, he doesn’t do anything to initiate intimacy with me. There were times when I had to beg this man to touch me before we would have sex.

At first, I thought it was because of the pressure and stress of keeping up with new changes. Then I discovered that he has his ways of entertaining himself. He chats with so many ladies, flirting with them. It doesn’t end there. Sometimes they have phone sex. What I don’t understand is why a man would reject his wife’s body, just so he could masturbate on the phone while talking to another woman.

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He is taking advantage of our secret wedding to lie to his little girlfriends back in Ghana. They don’t know that he has a wife, not to talk of living with me. As far as they know, he is a single man living alone in Canada.

I’m wondering if I should leave the picture to make his lies a reality for him. This way when he tells people he is single and living alone, my presence here wouldn’t make it lie. I don’t want to be ungrateful to him for bringing me here to join him but what we have doesn’t feel like a romantic relationship to me.

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I feel like we are just roommates who are friendly with each sometimes. Nothing he does shows he loves me.

My concern is the people who know about our marriage. If I leave him now they will start talking about me. It’s one of the reasons I am quietly watching him. Because I have seen too much to believe he would change. This means I have to be ready to leave before I confront him. Will I be a bad person to him if I choose to leave him? Please, advise me.

— Princess 

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