I got married three years ago. At that time, I had been certified as a Chartered Accountant. My husband on the other hand, only had his first degree. Because of this, I earned more than him. It wasn’t a problem for me but for the sake of our family’s future, I suggested that he also go back to school and upgrade himself. That way, he would earn more and pull his weight when it comes to household expenses. 

His salary is less than GHC3,000 so I pay the majority of the bills. Apart from the fact that my family is well-to-do, I earn really well. So I contribute my quota without complaining. The only thing I kept pushing him to do was to go back to school. He was reluctant to do it. My insistence also started creating problems in our marriage. For peace to reign, I left the subject alone.

When the school issue stopped being a problem, another one popped up. I noticed that ever since we got married, I was the one who always initiated intimacy. He wouldn’t say anything during the act or even after it. Instead of feeling like I am making love with my husband, it feels as if he only loans me his body to use for my pleasure. 

This bothered me but I couldn’t say anything about it. He was always closed off when it came to the subject. It didn’t create the right atmosphere for me to open up about my concerns and discomforts. For three years, I put up with his coldness in the bedroom. I even thought he was gay.

Recently, I decided to satisfy my curiosity and confirm if indeed, he plays for the other team. For the first time since I met him, I went through his stuff. I am sure I would have been less shocked if I found out he was into men. What I saw completely wrecked my heart.   

I found photos of his ex-girlfriend on his phone. She wasn’t wearing clothes. This girlfriend left him because she felt he was beneath her. I chose to love him in his low state and raise him up to become somebody his family would look up to. Only for him to go back to the same girl who couldn’t love him in that low state. 

I was even more hurt when I found out that she was not the only one he was talking to. He was going about proposing love to different ladies. I was even embarrassed on his behalf when I saw how fast these ladies turned him down. Instead of moving on when they rejected him, he would send money to these girls and beg them to send him their nudes in return. 

I sat down with my best friend and we did some calculations on the figures. When we finished, we concluded that he spends an average of GHC1,600 on other women. This amounts to more than half of his salary. 

I ask myself if this is what I get for trying to help a poor man manage his life so he too can become someone great. If this man truly wanted a good life for himself, he wouldn’t have used his own hands to destroy the future I was striving for us. 

READ ALSO: His Family Doesn’t Know I Am The One Paying All The Bills In This Marriage

Before we got married, we agreed that we would buy a piece of land as soon as possible and start a building project. I sacrificed my comfort and moved in with him in his family’s house for us to realize this dream. So far we haven’t done anything because my husband’s money is never ready for the joint contribution. Now I find out it’s because of his fixation with other women’s naked bodies. He would rather throw his money on these women than contribute toward a piece of land for our building. Is this behaviour normal, or my husband has been bewitched?

After everything I have seen, I have decided that I should start looking out for myself. I want to know if I will be wrong to withdraw my financial support. I want to channel all that money into buying myself a piece of land. I have seen the consequences of settling for less. Now I am just looking to make lemonade out of these lemons. 

The Secret He Wasn’t Telling Me Was On His Phone

I want to go ahead with the rest of my life without my husband in mind. I know that my marriage is over. The way this man talks about his ex-girlfriend’s current relationship with so much pain and jealousy, I wish I could ask the girl to take him back so the two of them would be happy. It’s too late for that though. The lady is about to marry a man who is her godfather. The same man also happens to be my husband’s godfather. 

Till now, the only person who knows what I found is my best friend. I still haven’t confronted my husband. I haven’t told anyone in our families either. I go about smiling as if I am okay but I am a shipwreck on the inside. Do you think this marriage is worth saving? Or I should count my losses and move on?

— Hera

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