When I met Yaw, he was still in his final year in medical school. He was just about to complete, while I had worked for years after law school. I was doing well for myself financially. He had nothing to stand on when it came to money but it didn’t bother me. I liked him for his great personality, incredible sense of humour, and kind heart.

I knew he was a hardworking man who had a great vision for his life. He is also a godly man. I used to call him a man after God’s own heart. These are the things that mixed together to form the amazing man I fell in love with.

When I created my Instagram account during the COVID era, I didn’t expect to receive a DM from Yaw. The day I responded to his message too, I didn’t anticipate getting hooked on his sense of humour. I didn’t envision myself telling my mother I was in love with a fresh graduate from medical school. When I explained that unlike me he is now starting life, my mother encouraged me not to give up on him. “If he is truly the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then build him into the kind of man you desire him to be,” she advised. She went on to add, “There is no man out there who arrives at your doorstep perfect.”

Not only did I listen to my mother’s counsel, but I decided to implement it as well. I started by changing his wardrobe, so he would look the way I want my man to dress. By the wisdom of God, I learned to recommend things I like to him. In the course of the relationship, when he encounters challenges, I find ways to present the solution to him in a soft way that won’t bruise his ego. He always listened to me. That’s how I knew he loved me. He showed other gestures that often blew my mind. I was certain that we would have a happy and peaceful life if we got married.

I am someone who likes to take initiative. I don’t just wait around and let life happen to me. I knew I wanted us to get married so I brought up the subject for discussion. After we agreed that we would indeed get married, he introduced me to his mother. The woman is a retired nurse who raised him as a single parent. On that first visit, she was warm and welcoming toward me. Yaw was so happy for his mum’s approval that he shared my contact with her.

At the dawn of the next day, the woman called me. I found it strange that she would call me that early around 4 AM but I picked up anyway. She didn’t even greet me or wait for me to greet her. She just went straight to the point, “Why hasn’t my son been picking up my calls anymore? It’s because of you, isn’t it? You came to steal my son from me.” She went on to say a whole lot of un-nice things.

Now at this time, he had started his housemanship. He had gone for night duty the night before so I figured that was why he couldn’t answer her calls. I tried to explain things to her but she wouldn’t have any of it.

Later, I expressed my displeasure about his mother’s behaviour to Yaw. He addressed the issue together with his older brother and I was at peace. However, she didn’t stop there. She continued harassing me. The disrespect was gross to the extent that I even blocked her.

We had started marriage counseling and were far advanced into it but I decided to walk out when I could no longer bear his mother’s behavior. And I knew it was just a matter of time before I would retaliate. However, my counselors encouraged me not to give up. “You are marrying Yaw, not his mother. Whatever happens, the woman won’t live with you when you get married so just ignore her.” I said okay and we continued with the marriage plans.

At the time we were getting married, it was a year after he finished school. My parents didn’t look down on him because he wasn’t financially sound. Rather, they saw a good potential in him as a young doctor. My parents believed in our future as a doctor and a lawyer starting life together. For this reason, they paid for our wedding. That’s how much they wanted me to be happy.

In the early stages of our marriage, my husband had not received his salary for months. It was up to me to hold us down. And I did it with no regrets. When I received my salary, I would forward it to him or put it in an envelope and slip it into his bag when he was not looking. I let him pay the bills with my money, which I considered our money. If I realized that he was running low on cash, I would send him Momo and ask him to withdraw it for me on his way home. He would withdraw it but I wouldn’t take the money.

My husband was so grateful for the way I handled things that he often told me, “Ama, you’ve loved me when I was a nobody. I promise to take care of you and do all the nice things for you when God blesses me.” True to his words, he started taking care of me when things started turning around for him.

Just as we were finding our groove, the worst happened. His mother came to live with us. It was his decision. I objected to it but he said he didn’t have money to pay his mother’s rent. So I had to allow her to move into our home. This was three months into the marriage.

I was even the one who had to go buy a mattress and a bed to put in our guest room for her. When she came I was a few weeks pregnant so I had to take things slow. You know how the first trimester is. I was now learning how to adjust to the changes my body was going through.

The freedom I had to do things at my own pace ended the day she arrived. She complained about how tight my work clothes were but I ignored her. I used to cook in bulk over the weekend, and then stock the fridge so we would have food for the week. This woman would take out all the food from the fridge when I went to work. And I would return to find that they’ve gone bad. Hours of cooking gone in vain.

As if that’s not enough, she won’t even give us some privacy. She would wake up at 4 AM and awaken the whole neighborhood with her morning devotion. After that, she would bath and sit in the hall from 7 am to 9 pm. Now because we had frictions, I was living in a 3 bedroom house but confined myself to one room and the kitchen.

The drama got worse by the day. One day she told me she came to our house with a mission to break our marriage. Then she swore, “You will give birth for me to see.” My husband saw all this but refused to do anything about it. I was left to deal with her.

Well, getting close to delivery I begged my mum to come and stay with us because my husband refused to let me go and stay with her. He said he wanted to be present for the baby right from the beginning. When it was time for delivery, I experienced some complications and had to undergo emergency C.S. I was carrying twins but sadly, I only came home with one.

We came home from the hospital to find that my mother-in-law fought with my mother over who should bathe the baby. Her drama in our lives continued for an entire year. The day she was leaving. She packed out of the house without telling me. She took half of the things in my kitchen, my cylinders, and even the bed and wardrobe I bought for her before she came.

I saw all that but for the sake of peace, I let it go. Remember, these are not things my husband bought for me. I dare say my husband only moved into our marital home with his clothes and shoes. So why then do you allow your mother to take things which belong to me from us? Well, I consoled myself that she might need the things. I thought her son rented an apartment for her, you know.

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So imagine my pain when I found out she took those things from me and gave them out to people. She didn’t need them because she was traveling abroad. Eii!

After she left, she never called or texted me. That’s fine with me but my husband is now insisting I call his mother to check up on her. Meanwhile, this woman doesn’t want to talk to me. One time, he was talking to her and said, “Oh, let me give the phone to my wife so you say hello.” She blatantly told her son that she didn’t ask to talk to me.

You Can’t Ask What A Woman Uses Her Money For | Chat & Chuckles Podcast | EP 3


So my question is, am I wrong for telling my husband that I will not call his mother until she remembers to call or text me to at least say, “Thank you for hosting me and accommodating all my troubles for over a year?” Is my husband not asking for too much from me for all the hate his mother showed me?

Lest I forget, we asked her several times if I had wronged her. She said no, and that she just doesn’t like me. Why shouldn’t I stay away from such a person now that she is far away from me? Why should my refusal to talk to her cause problems in our marriage?

— Ama

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