I am dating a thirty-year-old guy who is a teacher. He is an Akan – Akyem and Kwahu, while I am an Ewe. When we first started dating I asked him if our tribal differences would not pose a problem for us in the days to come. And he assured me that there would be nothing of the sort. “My father is not one to discriminate against others based on their tribe. And my mother is a prophetess so have no fears. When the time comes for you to meet them, you will find them very welcoming.” That’s how I swallowed my reservations and allowed the relationship to flow naturally.

His parents didn’t live in the town we live in so I didn’t get to meet them during those early days. However, he met my family. They all welcomed him, my mother especially. The two of them exchanged numbers, and now they are practically friends.

Two years down the line, our relationship has come to a standstill because of something that happened last year in October. That was the time my boyfriend took me home to meet his parents. When the introductions were made, I could tell that his father liked me. His mother, on the other hand, was a bit cold. She repeated my name after I said it to her and asked, “What tribe are you from?” When I said I was an Ewe, I felt her shut me off.

I thought it was all in my head until this woman found me later when I was alone and told me to my face that she won’t allow her son to marry an Ewe girl. “It’s because you people have a long marriage list,” she ranted. She went on to tell me to move on in case I find someone else who wants me. I was so shocked. Is this the prophetess Kwaku spoke so highly of, or he has another mum somewhere? I just couldn’t believe she would say that to me the first day she met me.

I had planned to spend three days with them but she kept asking when I would be leaving. So I told her I would leave the next day.

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The next morning, I woke up to find that Kwaku had gone jogging so I decided to clean around to while away time. While I was sweeping the compound, his mother saw me and immediately collected the broom from me. She told me, “My son has not married you so don’t touch anything in this house.” I was surprised because, the day I arrived I helped her make food and we all ate. I had to touch things in the house to help her, no?

Her behavior saddened my heart but I didn’t react. I just quietly walked into Kwaku’s room. Immediately he returned from his jog, I went to take my bath and told him I was ready to leave. The woman found me before I left and told me to never visit them in the house else she would throw me out. “We don’t know your parents so we can’t have you here again,” she warned. Wow! My mum approved of my relationship with her son but there she was, being unapologetically mean to me. I didn’t provoke her in any way to deserve this treatment but I took it cooly.

We Broke Up Because Her Mother Didn’t Like Me | Hot Seat

After we returned to the city, I tried to end the relationship but Kwaku refused to accept my decision. “I know that my mother behaved badly toward you but you are not dating her. I am the one who loves you. That’s why I am the one going to marry you, not her. I know it’s a lot to ask but be patient with me. I just need some time to get Mama to come around,” he pleaded with me. He has always been good to me and treated me with immense love and kindness so I considered his counterproposal and agreed to stay.

However, as time passes, I am not sure staying is the right thing to do. How long am I expected to wait till his mother decides to like or accept me? Unlike Kwaku, I don’t have all the time in the world to start a family. This is why I feel like I am wasting my time waiting around for him.

I want to be with someone I know belongs to me. Someone I can settle down with and build a future with. So I am wondering if I should just break up with him and move on to someone whose mother wouldn’t despise me because of my tribe. What do you think?

— Lorlor

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