When I first met David in 2009, I was recovering from the heartbreak my first love gave me, so I did not have any romantic interest in him. He was a fellow countryman living in a foreign land I had just moved to. That’s why a friend introduced me to him when I was looking for someone to put music on an empty CD for me. I was twenty while he was twenty-six. Little did I know that that encounter would lead to a series of events that would change the course of my life forever.

First, I fell in love with him when I didn’t expect to, then we started dating. That was how it began. I loved this man with my mind, body, and soul. The most enjoyable part of our relationship for me was the friendship. We would talk about everything at any time. I love being held so we always cuddled. Things were so good between us that in 2012, we made a regrettable decision to move in together. He lived in the same house with his cousins but I had already met them so I didn’t mind.

The next year after we started living together, we had our first child. After the baby was born he gathered some money and bought items needed to pay my dowry. He asked me, “Now that we are ready for marriage, what step do we take?” I asked my mother for guidance but she pointed me in the direction of my father. She asked me to go and look for him so he would accept the dowry.

Although my dad abandoned me when I was a child, I agreed to go and find him if it meant letting him receive the dowry. To my dismay, I met his grave and widow instead. When I introduced myself to the woman, she called for a family meeting between my dad’s relatives and me. It turned out that while my half-siblings knew about me, my father’s siblings didn’t. When I narrated the purpose of my visit, they selected some of their people to represent me at the ceremony.

Before we could make things official, my aunt and I went to David’s hometown for an introduction. There, they bombarded my aunt with questions, asking her how long she had known me. My aunt explained everything to them, only for David’s older male cousin to cancel the whole dowry. They said they were not sure that the people coming to represent me were my family. I was disappointed but I didn’t act desperate. I accepted their decision and returned to my country of residence.

David and I were still so much in love and together so I didn’t let the dowry thing get to me so much. However, as time went by, I started hearing tales from David’s cousins. They said I was misusing their brother’s money. I was surprised to hear this because I was the one who had a stable income in the relationship. I would buy clothes, shoes, and underwear for him. Even his cousins, I extended my generosity to them and did things for them that I was not doing for myself. I was hurt but I didn’t say anything to any of them about it.

In December 2015, we travelled to his hometown to meet his family. When it was time for us to go back home, David stayed behind. His people said they had to consult a spiritualist on his behalf, to find out why he was not doing well financially. Honestly, I don’t believe in witch doctors so I did not encourage him. Even when he returned from the consultation, I didn’t ask him what they said.

In January 2017 a friend of the family who lived on the same compound with us passed away. David and his cousins arranged for the body to be sent home for burial. While they were there they decided to consult with a witch doctor to find out the cause of death.

When they returned, my baby daddy was cold and distant toward me. He ignored me when I spoke to him and avoided any form of physical touch. He only came near me when he wanted shuperu. This behaviour made me feel so dirty. I had to talk to someone about my frustration so I confided in a mutual friend. As soon as I finished talking the lady asked, “Why are you surprised at his behaviour? Didn’t they tell you what the spirit of the deceased said when they consulted the medium?” I shook my head sheepishly and said, “No. I didn’t ask so he didn’t tell me.” By the time the lady finished narrating their findings to me, I was devastated.

According to them, the deceased said he saw me kissing a guy by a white car. He also told them that my sister and I bought a car for my mother back home. The spiritualist also told them that I had bewitched David. To get it out of him, they gave him a concoction to drink to induce vomiting. The things she told me I had done shocked me to the bone but what broke my heart was that my man believed them without even leaving any room for doubt in his heart for my sake. Did he think so little of me?

When I confronted him, he did not deny any of it. I said to him, “You know very well that I’m not stupid. Why would I kiss someone who has a car outside the car when I know I could be seen by anyone? Does this make sense to you? If your family friend truly saw me, why did he wait till he died for his spirit to communicate this to you? As for the car issue, it does not concern you if we bought a car for our mother. After all, it’s not your money. But think about this, why would we buy a car for my mother when she does not own a house?”

While we were yet to resolve this whole misunderstanding, I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. I thought the news of the pregnancy would soften his demeanour but he remained as cold toward me as before. I now had to take the issue to his parents.

As embarrassing as it was, I found myself narrating all the accusations leveled against me to them. His father listened without asking any questions, but his mother asked me why I didn’t report him to his cousins. How could I go to the same people who were causing all these problems for me? At the end of the meeting, his parents couldn’t tell me anything other than, “Go and talk to him and work things out.”

I tried my best to restore peace but nothing was ever the same again. The trust and friendship we shared were lost. No more cuddles. He only touched me when he wanted shuperu. Even that one, he would do it as if he was doing it with someone he had no emotional attachment to. I grew bitter toward him as a result of this. He was supposed to be my friend. Friends are supposed to have each other’s backs but he betrayed me.

Although we continued to live together, I withdrew all my financial help from the relationship. Whenever he needed money to support his business, I refused to give it to him. That was when the cracks in his finances began to show. I always thought he was doing okay but I found out I was wrong. People started knocking on my door that he took money from them but did not deliver the services required of him.

Amidst all this brouhaha, his cousin asked us to move out of his house. So I suggested that we rent a house and sublet some of the rooms to other tenants. He agreed for us to do that. We moved but the people he owed followed us to our new place. He was even locked up at some point. As his financial troubles increased, we were always fighting about money. This led to zero intimacy between us. Because of that when my contraceptives ran out, I didn’t get a replacement.

I was doing everything possible to avoid him but one day my body betrayed me and we ended up having shuperu. Just that one moment of weakness led to another pregnancy. I cried my eyes out. I was the one providing for the two kids so I knew a third child was just another responsibility I couldn’t afford. My sister advised me to terminate it. I agreed but I couldn’t go through with it.

Three months into the pregnancy, I got access to his phone and found out he was dating five other women. When I confronted him with proof he said, “Those women know how to take care of a man.” That day I lost it. I screamed, “Pack your things and leave. Go to those women who know how to take care of you.” I was so angry that I chased him out.

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Throughout the relationship, this guy made me feel he was doing me a favor by being with me. All because he found out during one of his spiritual consultations that women in my family don’t get married. He would throw it in my face every time we fought. It didn’t help matters that my mother has never been married. And my sister’s baby daddy denied responsibility of her pregnancy back in 1996.

I must admit that this got to my head a little too, but mine was not necessarily about marriage. It had to do with the fact that I grew up without my father. I didn’t want the same thing for my children. I wanted them to grow up in a home with both parents. That’s why I kept putting up with him long after he made it clear he did not want me anymore.

I’m Dating Him And His Mother | STORY BOARD


Now that he is out of my life, he walks around telling whoever cares to listen to him that I cheated on him. I like the fact that he knows I did no such thing. He has gone back to live with his older cousins. And he still does not provide any financial support for the kids but I’m good.

It took me a long time to get here but I am here now. I am doing everything I can to forgive myself for staying too long at a place I knew I was not wanted. All I wanted was a better childhood for my children, and I thought it involved both parents. Nonetheless, I know now that they are better off being raised by a single mother in a quiet and peaceful home than having a father around who brings fear and confusion into their lives.

— Beebi

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