At some point in our friendship, John and I fell in love. We didn’t see it happening until it did. This is a man who lives in another country. Why would I intentionally fall in love with him? Anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship knows that they are not easy to nurture. However, we were determined to be among the minority whose love thrived in spite of the distance between us. When you know someone the way I do John, certain things about them won’t scare you.
For example, although John is a man and most men aren’t known for their forte when it comes to abstinence, I know I can trust John not to cheat on me. I may not be physically present to satisfy his needs but he is also someone who is disciplined enough not to mess around with other people. I don’t even question his loyalty when it comes to such things.
Truly, he is an amazing man who loves me very much. My problem with him has to do with his poor communication skills. How can there exist a healthy relationship without good communication? This is the argument I have been having with my man ever since we started dating a few months ago. We try to talk regularly. Most of the time, we text each other. Other times we make voice calls, and when we miss each other so much we make video calls.
I am sure that I would have been perfectly happy had these communication channels between us been open consistently. Unfortunately, this hasn’t been the case. John can go an entire day or two without talking to me and he wouldn’t find anything wrong with it. When I tried to complain, I ended up coming across as someone who was doing everything possible to jeopardize a peaceful relationship. According to him, things are good between us.
I admit that he is an amazing boyfriend when he is putting in the work. You don’t have to see us together to know that he cares about me. The way he takes interest in the things that matter to me is one thing I admire about him. That’s why even though we are miles apart, I don’t question his love for me. All I need is for him to show that dedication in how often we talk. Sometimes he would tell me, “I don’t think it’s a big deal. We don’t have to talk every day to prove that we are in a relationship, but if it means so much to you, I will change.” He would do what would make me happy for a few days but soon enough, we would be back to square one.
His poor communication skills aside, I am beginning to worry that he is not a giver. I am the kind of person who doesn’t ask a man I am dating for money or other material stuff. I expect them to surprise me with their generosity from time to time. Isn’t it nice when you get a Momo alert and it’s coming from your man? Especially when you were not expecting it? You are just reminded that he was thinking about you and chose to send you money or a nice gift just to say, “You are on my mind.” For me, gift-giving is my love language so these little acts will warm my heart from Earth to the moon and back.
However, John has never sent me money or any gift since we started dating. Unlike me who is unemployed, he has a good job. He is in the working class, which means he lives comfortably. He is not someone who is managing his resources to try and find his feet in life. He is doing okay for himself. This means this man can part with some money to get me gifts every once in a while and it won’t kill him.
One time I tried to test him. I wanted to know if he was the kind of man I could count on financially if I were backed into a corner. I told him I was in dire need of money to solve some issues so he should help me out. John said, “O dear, I would like to help but I don’t know how to transfer money to you from where I am.” That was the end of the matter for him. He didn’t try to look into ways he could send me money. He didn’t also come back to ask if I got the money to solve my problems. It’s been months now but he has never talked about that situation.
He Woke Me Up At 2am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House
A part of me is convinced that he didn’t ask all the questions because he doesn’t want to give me any money. Not that I am feeling entitled to his money. It’s just that I have been told one too many times that when a man loves a woman, giving her gifts comes naturally to him. And I know John loves me so why is his case different? I know that if I were working, I would have been spoiling him crazy with gifts. He knows this about me yet he is not moved to do the same for me.
Do I have a reason to be concerned? Or just as he said, I am making mountains out of molehills? I want to ask the men out here if it’s normal for a man to be in a long-distance relationship with a woman and not talk to her every day. Also, how do I handle a man who is not a giver? I am finding it difficult to have a conversation with him about this, considering money is a sensitive subject.
—Joy
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#SB
very interesting story though. ones life,is, or can be affected by their geographical locations, financial backgrounds, educational backgrounds and even cultural backgrounds. no offense, but when you go to the northern region, ‘most’ men don’t see the value in providing for their partners needs. such persons thinks that once you are convinced they love you, that’s all what you need and nothing else but you dint fault them. perhaps he loves you but he lacks all this orientation.
One thing I would like you to pay attention to, is his commitment to the relationship, once it’s a distance relationship the communication must be more but not too much because you can bear me a witness that when you keep talking for long you become short for words and rest turns into arguments and inappropriate utterances.
Kindly take charge to change him to your likeness but if proven otherwise, I will say the ball is in your court.
NOTE ; NOWHERE COOL
I’m mr. chairman
Be honest with yourself, you fell in love with his money and the prospect of migrating abroad.
You don’t have a job and you think you’ll spoil him with gifts, if you did? That’s what you want. He’s not buying into such schemes of yours. Besides, he’s not sure about you. He’s heard stories about people scammed by online lovers.