My fiancée’s mother became a friend the day I got introduced. My fiancée, Erica is the only daughter of her mom and also the last born. The first day Erica took me home and told her mom about our relationship, she was so happy she told me, “My daughter’s husband is going to be my husband too since I lost mine years ago.” Erica responded, “I’m sorry Maa, I don’t share my man.”

We all burst out laughing and laughed harder when Erica’s mom responded, “I shared my husband with you but you won’t share yours with me? How selfish can you be?” The whole moment turned lighter because she filled it with funny jokes and questions. She asked about my job and I answered. She responded, “Good you’re working. That’s the most important thing.”

She took my number. She didn’t call but I called her often to check up on her and also send her something once in a while. The relationship between us was awesome whenever I visited. She’ll cook and serve me. She’ll keep me company and tell jokes. One day I told her to get a boyfriend and she said, “Find one for me but I don’t want a man in my age bracket. They are useless.”

Another moment of laughter and another reason to love her as a person and also as a potential mother-in-law.

I saw the sign of what’s happening today during the time we went for the dowry list. She said, “I don’t want to charge much as dowry because I want you guys to have a great wedding.”

She said she wasn’t going to charge much but the list she gave us was heavy. I expected something less because of the relationship we had. She didn’t consider that. She requested things I thought were unnecessary. I didn’t ask why and I didn’t ask her to reduce it. I took it just the way it was and decided to get to work on it as soon as possible.

Six months later, we are ready to go ahead with our wedding. She called my phone one morning to ask about preparations. I told her what was on my mind; how we wanted it to be small and intimate, how we wanted to work within our budget, how we didn’t want to waste money on reception to feed many but to refresh people in the church and close from there, how we wanted to begin and end everything in the church premises.

Her first question was, “Why are you talking about a wedding as if you’re talking about kids’ Our Day program? What is ‘we won’t do a reception?’ You’ll invite people from all walks of life here only to starve them? If you’re not ready, you can wait until you’re ready. Nobody is pushing you.”

I called Erica and told her what her mom said about our plans. She told me not to mind her mother. “If you like, block her so she doesn’t get the chance to tell you what to do.” I didn’t block her but I asked her to whip her mother in line so she doesn’t go left when we are going right.

READ ALSO: He Wants To Acquire Everything In The World Before We Get Married

A week or so later, Erica’s mom called again. I didn’t want to pick up but I thought I should listen to what she had to say. “I’ve spoken to the woman who handled the food during Erica’s elder brother’s wedding,” she said. “She’s ready to give us a discount. How much is your budget so I speak to her on your behalf.”

I stayed quiet for a while, thinking of what to say not to hurt her feelings. I responded, “Please speak to Erica. She knows everything.”

She snapped; “Are you not the man again? Why should I talk to the woman when the man is there? Is she the one going to pay for it? You guys shouldn’t stress me ooo. I don’t have the heart for that.” I remained calm until she dropped the line. I called Erica to ask if her mom had had a discussion with her on food. She laughed and questioned why her mom wouldn’t listen to her. She blamed me for not blocking her, “If you don’t block her and she calls to give you stress, don’t call to tell me.”

I feel it’s not right. How will she react towards me when she realizes I’ve blocked her? There’s life after the wedding. I don’t want to break relationships even before we start our marital journey. I spoke to my wife’s elder brother to intervene. He told me, “That woman can’t be stopped ooo. You either avoid her totally or you allow her to stress you.”

We are a few months from our wedding. The last time she called, she told me she wasn’t going to allow me to marry her daughter at a wedding that smells like poverty. Apart from the food, she wants to choose a venue for the reception because apparently, me and Erica don’t have a taste for good things. If we allow her, she’ll be in charge of the whole organization of the wedding all because her friends are coming and she wants them to know that her only daughter was married the right way—the extravagant way.

In the last conversation we had, she said she had already engaged the services of the caterer so I should send her money to pay for it. Again, I asked her to talk to her daughter. She was livid and accused us of tossing her around. The good thing is, that I have Erica’s support. Her mother is threatening to stay away from the wedding but Erica tells me, “Just watch me and disregard her. She knows I won’t give her the chance that’s why she doesn’t come to me.”

The way things are going, it looks like I’m going to start my marital journey with troubles. My mother-in-law will be at war with me for a very long time because I didn’t take her advice on our wedding. I want peace but I won’t spend what I’m not ready to spend. Erica is saying a lot of things as if she doesn’t care about her mom but I know her mom’s absence at our wedding will throw her off. She won’t be happy because, regardless of everything, Erica loves her mom so much.

Currently, I don’t know what to do to get her on my side. Honestly, I know what to do. I have to obey what she says and pay my way to her heart, that’s also something I will never do so our relationship is hanging on a thread. I haven’t picked up her last three calls. Surprisingly, she doesn’t tell Erica when I don’t pick up her calls so we don’t know what she wants. It looks like I have to choose war and later make peace with her, which I doubt will happen.

How To Marry A Woman From The Frafra Culture Of Ghana

I’ll trust the process, listen to Erica and see how everything ends but I want to know if anyone here has experienced such a thing with their in-law and what they did to avert confrontation before their wedding. I will be happy to get a solution to this before our wedding. Please say something.

—Ephraim

If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.

********