After our wedding, she went back to Canada to continue her studies. It was as we had planned. She came down to Ghana after her education and the family was now complete. Reality then set in. She needed a job. We prayed for a breakthrough because we were living more on my salary. When we ran out of my salary, we fell on her savings for salvation when there was an emergency.

My disposable income was limited. I had a sustainable job, at least to cater for the two of us. But we needed another job. In this economy, one person’s salary wouldn’t be enough. What if the children come? That would be hard.

But it was also a thrill. Giving money to my wife, how exciting! I felt so mature. I was in the driver’s seat. Yes, this is how a man should lead. Be the head of the family. Take care of the family by giving money. Nice one! That’s how I felt good about myself for being the sole provider.

We prayed fervently for a job and less than three months after she returned, she went for an interview. There and then they realised she was the right person for the job. It felt like a scripted story. What should have been an interview ended up in a salary negotiation. By the time she left there, she had already signed the contract for the job. It was so miraculous the way it happened.

Wow, Glory to God! She told me the expected basic salary. It was a few hundred lower than mine. I felt this was still good. “We will know the full package when the appointment letter comes,” I told her.

I was on a trip when she called and I could feel the excitement in her voice. “Kay, the letter is in. Can you guess the take home?” I guessed something close to my salary. She said no, I should guess again. I told her I am not good at guessing so she should just spill the beans. She mentioned the amount. Lo, and behold, it was way bigger than mine! My salary was now about two-thirds of hers, comparatively. I feigned excitement. I did not want her to feel bad for telling me this good news. I told her, “Wow! We thank God for his sufficient grace.”

But internally, I was not feeling good. My wife needed a job, yes. We needed that supplementary income. But not to the extent that she would earn more than I did. How can a man earn less than his wife? How could I still be the man of the house? How can I be in charge? What if she changes because she earns more? Lots of these thoughts ran through my mind.

I pictured scenarios of her arrogance. I imagined scenes where she would be deviant. It was not the best of experiences. How can this be happening to me? I thought. I knew there was nothing I could do about it so I had to learn to accept it.

I prayed for courage. Courage to be humble in this situation. I prayed that God would make me content with what I have. I asked God to forgive me, for being jealous instead of being thankful for this breakthrough.

As time went on, I realized I was wrong about everything. Contrary to my wild expectations, she began to help with buying stuff. She contributed well to the joint account, which was the first thing we got when we received our salaries.

She contributed to buying the labour saving home appliances. When it came to housekeeping too, she added her money to it. She was the one in control of the money but anytime she spent outside of what we had agreed or bought an item we had not discussed, she would call me and ask first if it was okay. She never made me feel less of myself.

When I opened up to her about my struggles with accepting our financial situation, she didn’t get upset. “Don’t you remember how well you took care of me when I was unemployed? I will never forget that kind of kindness.” I was so touched by her humility.

Over time, I too learned to be humble. I learned that headship had little to do with just physical provision and more to do with spiritual provision. It has to do with how you lead your family in love and present them pure to Jesus.

READ ALSO: Should You Accept A Married Man’s Help If His Wife Doesn’t Know About It?

I learned that headship was not about how much you earned. That marriage was not a master-slave relationship. That a wife is not her husband’s assistant or second in command, but that they both complement each other’s efforts to lead the family.

Now we don’t even compare salaries. By God’s grace, we have both enjoyed breakthroughs in our finances. We have never quarreled about money. She gives me when I am broke and I do the same when she needs money.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

We don’t have the kind of money that can afford us a Limo or a Range Rover. But we do not lack. We are still young in our marriage, and we always pray for sustenance, that God binds us with his cords of love that cannot be broken.

To anyone reading this, I don’t know how your humbling moment will be. But whatever it is, just think of the higher calling for marriage, and be humble to accept your frailty.

—Kay

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