According to the story he told me, they broke up because his ex was demanding—she demanded everything he had and gave nothing back. She asked for 100% commitment but when it was her turn to give, she gave excuses. She took money from him without giving anything back. She wasted his time while she kept her time in a time box for rainy days. Everything was skewed against him so he finally broke up with her.

A year later, we met and fell in love. Considering all the troubles he had been through, I decided to be his peace. I didn’t ask for what he didn’t have and when I did ask, I asked because I knew he could give. I never asked for anything he couldn’t give and all the things I asked for were immaterial, like time. His presence. His love. His care.

Three months into the relationship, he asked for a loan. Without asking what he was using the money for, I gave it to him. Love gives and when it gives, it gives wholeheartedly. He asked for a loan but in my mind, it was a gift—a gift for being there, loving me the right way and in the process showing me I deserved better than what I was once in.

He was on the phone one night for too long. I tried catching his attention but it wasn’t easy. Hours later when he was done talking, I asked who it was and he told me it was his ex. “Your ex? You guys still talk to each other?”

He responded casually, “Yeah, we talk sometimes but nothing serious.”

What I heard that night was serious talk so I decided to snoop—the first time I snooped on him. According to his call log, they talked every day. According to his message app, they texted every day. He was even sending her money now and then.

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I asked him, “Tell me the truth, are you sure you and your ex are still not together?” He picked up his phone and gave it to me, “If you like call and ask her. We’ve been over long ago so why would you ask me this question?”

When I dialled and the phone started ringing, he asked me, “Oh so you’re calling her? It means you don’t believe me?” The phone kept calling while he stood and looked at me thinking I was going to end the call at some point. Immediately the lady answered the phone, he snatched the phone from me and cut the line. She responded by saying, “Hey babe.”

“If you don’t believe me, I have nothing to prove. Talking to her won’t solve anything.”

He had my money—money I thought I was giving to him for free but looking at the MoMo transactions between him and his ex, I decided to get my money before it was finally over. I didn’t bring the issue up for over a month. We were talking freely and laughing thinking we’d put everything behind us. If he had any sense, he would have known a woman doesn’t move on without closure. Even when I was giving him excuses when he tried to visit, he didn’t read between the lines.

I asked him for a loan. It was in excess of what he owed me. He said, “Oh I’ve forgotten I already owe you some money. Take this and pay the difference when you get it.”

I took the money in the morning, in the afternoon, I called to tell him it was over. He laughed. “Today’s not April Fool’s Day so what are you saying?” I answered, “I only needed to retrieve my money. It’s obvious you and your ex are still together. I wish you well.”

He still denied it, even when I told him I read his messages. Three weeks later, he came showing me a day-old message that said the two of them were over. He said, “Yes you were right but I didn’t want to lose you. We were going through some turbulence which I knew would bring the relationship to an end. It’s you I want. Forgive me.”

The last time he called me he said, “If you know you’re not coming back, don’t you think it’s prudent for you to pay what you owe me?” I told him, “I don’t owe you anything. The rest is an interest on what you borrowed from me long ago.”

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Guess what, even the message he showed me was a concocted lie. Maybe he used the girl’s phone to text himself and responded to create the impression they were over. As I write today, they are still together enjoying their relationship as if I didn’t happen. There should be a different place in hell for men like this. Their sins are high grade.

—Bebe

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