Beth was a friend I lost contact with for a while. When I reconnected with her, she had a child with no husband or boyfriend. I didn’t ask her about it at first but we talked. The more we talked the more my feelings of friendship developed into romantic feelings. By then she had also gotten used to talking to me about every aspect of her life. That was when I asked her, “Where is the father of your child?” She told me, “He is nowhere near me. I am the only parent this child knows.”

I also had a child of my own so why should I judge a woman for being a single mother? When I was sure of my feelings for her, I confessed my love for her. She said she loved me too. We had a beautiful relationship for almost three years and then we got married.

At the beginning of our marriage, we were living in my family’s home. All things were peaceful until I rented an apartment. When we relocated, my wife started complaining. She said, “Honey, this place you got is too far away from my workplace. I can’t make the commute every day.” I thought it was something she was just saying to rant so I didn’t take it to heart.

One day my wife went to work and didn’t return home. She went to her mother’s place. When I spoke to her, she said it was easier to go to work from there. The next day was the same story. She was there for an entire week. I was concerned but she came home that weekend. She spent the week that followed coming home from work. This gave me the impression that her mother’s house didn’t work for her. I found out I was wrong.

The next week was spent with her mother again. It became an unspoken arrangement. She would stay with me for a week, and go live with her mother for another week. This arrangement did not please me. I confronted her about it and she got angry. Maybe she didn’t like the way I approached her so she got defensive.

Marriage is work and I believe the work is harder when the couple lives apart. My wife running shifts with our home and her mother’s place took a toll on our marriage. She started to feel distant. We were together but I couldn’t feel her anymore. I don’t know how to explain it but when you know someone you can always detect it when something is different about her.

I didn’t want her to keep spending days with her mother so I rented a new place closer to her workplace. By taking away her excuse to leave home, she should now be home, right? It rather made things worse. My wife would visit me for four days and spend the rest of the days with her mother.

As if we didn’t have enough problems already, I found out she has been talking to her baby daddy. They don’t just chitchat, they talk morning and evening, for an average of twenty minutes. When you are in a ship that’s taking water, you don’t poke more holes in it. Unfortunately, my wife didn’t get this. We are having problems with our living arrangements and there she was, entertaining the man who knocked her up and abandoned her.

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This time around too, I confronted her. She got furious. “I have a child with him so what’s wrong if I talk to him? After all, I didn’t tell you he is dead.” I will be glad to relinquish the responsibility of their child to the baby daddy if that’s why he is back in the picture. What I don’t understand is why they talk for so long. What at all are they talking about?

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I am her husband. If there is something she needs to consistently discuss with her baby daddy, shouldn’t she tell me about it? When I tried to push her response was, “I am done with this marriage.” Just like that? How can you end something we’ve taken years to build just because you are not happy that I have a problem with your relationship with your ex?

When I told my family about her decision to leave the marriage, my wife got angry with me. At this point, I am even sure that when I breathe in her direction, she will get angry. I don’t know what else she wants from me. I do my best to make her happy but she seems unhappy with almost everything. What do I do? I am going through so much.

—Darcy

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