People think Adam and I started dating when we got to the university. Maybe they could always see what we couldn’t. We are childhood friends. We’ve been as thick as thieves since we were in primary school. Changing times and seasons couldn’t separate us. We went through JHS, and high school with our friendship intact. Our bond even got stronger as we grew.

My family knows him well. His people also know me. They’ve seen us running around and playing in the dirt. They’ve seen us go through puberty and its hormonal changes. Maybe at some point they expected us to blur the lines between friendship and love but it didn’t happen.

I believe that’s why they were sure we were dating when we started the university. But even then, we were still friends. We were very close though. I would go to him for advice about boys and he would also come to me when he was having girl problems.

I enjoyed talking to him. I also enjoyed his company. We were always in sync. However, I never saw us dating. That’s because he had a girlfriend and I too had a boyfriend. So we were still just friends.

I don’t know how it happened or what caused the change but I noticed we got close in our final year. It was at this point that I started developing amorous feelings for him. I didn’t realize it until I found myself feeling jealous of his relationship. By then I was single so maybe I expected him to be single too.

Despite my feelings for him, I acted as if nothing had changed. I didn’t make it obvious that I liked him. I tried as best as I could to repress my emotions. He was, after all, my buddy. Why would I want to do anything to ruin his relationship?

After we left school, he also started having feelings for me. Unlike me, he couldn’t keep his heart from spilling over. “What are we going to do?” I asked him when I found out how he felt. He smiled and said, “What else can we do? Let’s date and see how things go.” I asked about his girlfriend because I knew they were still together. He asked me to give him some time to end things with her.

This is someone I had known all my life. I easily trusted him and we started dating. We were together for a while before we got separated by distance.

Distance and space cannot kill love. That’s what I believed. We were in different time zones but we were determined to make it happen. Video calls made up for the lack of physical time together. Text messages helped us keep tabs on what the other was doing.

It was not an ideal situation but we made the best of it. I had never envisioned myself in a long-distance relationship but we were doing it. We wanted the best out of the relationship. So we promised not to let each other down.

It got to a time when I noticed certain changes in him. They were subtle but when you know someone the way I know Adam, you would recognize their shadow in the dark. That’s how I knew something was off. I always address him as “babe” when we are texting. And he used to also address me as such. But recently he started calling me, “dear.” That was the first thing that changed.

Why am I no longer babe? I didn’t want him to say I was overreacting so I didn’t complain. Then I realized he started calling me by name. It sounded weird to me but once again, I said nothing.

The next thing I knew he was complaining about my sleeping schedule. “Why do you sleep early these days? You know you have to stay up late because of the time difference so we can talk.” I didn’t know it was a problem until he brought it up. And when he did I apologized, “Sorry, I didn’t notice. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I will work on it.” We resolved the issue and I indeed made changes.

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I thought everything was going well until he recently told me, “I got married the other day.” He said it so casually you would think he was telling me about a shoe he bought. I was shocked.

I had so many questions.

“When did this happen?”

“Whom did you marry?”

“How come you married someone else? We’ve been apart for less than a year.”

He didn’t answer a single one of my questions. If he married because of migration issues, I’m an understanding person so I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me.

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Now, he doesn’t call me anymore. I feel so broken but I have decided to give him space. When he texts me, I give him straight answers. I don’t know how to move forward with this information. I want him to explain his actions to me so I know what is really going on.

I cry myself to sleep every night yet he keeps telling me everything will make sense in the end. Can there be a reasonable explanation for his actions or he is just toying with me? I’m really confused. Should I stick around to find out what’s going on or I should just forget about him and move on?

—Josephine

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