Amina and I are roommates at a university in Koforidua. I like her a lot. She is so sweet that if I didn’t share a room with her I would say she is an angel. I playfully called her my daughter because of the nature of our relationship. I have that motherly effect with my friends. Because of this, she is always talking to her people about me. She has a cousin, Abu. Whenever he called her, she would mention my name and tell him all the amazing ways I was taking care of her.

Abu and I started talking to each other through Amina. “Tell Ayisha I greet her,” he would say. “Tell Abu I respond to his greetings,” I would say back. We had not seen each other but he knew me through the stories and jokes his cousin shared with him. Honestly, I was not interested in him enough to ask about his life. As far as I was concerned, he was just a faceless man on the other side of Amina’s phone.

One day, the opportunity presented itself for us to meet. I finally got to put a face to the name I had heard in my room for as long as I could remember. I expected us to have one of those awkward first-time encounters that ended with, “It’s nice to finally meet you.” However, we ended up having an incredible connection.

We talked and laughed as though we were old friends. I gleaned from the way we spoke and the things he said to me that he was interested in me. I was also drawn to him. He looked nice, dressed well, and spoke courteously. He had all the markings of a gentleman. I liked him.

Our communication continued after that day. I had come out of a bad relationship and was not looking for anything serious at the time. Abu was supposed to be just a friend. That did not stop him from putting on his charms. He was really nice and sweet toward me. I didn’t even realize when I fell in love with him. I was knocked off my feet.

When we first started dating he told me, “I am a father. I have a child.” It was not a deal breaker for me so I was not put off. Along the line, he made a post on his WhatsApp status. The post said he was a proud father of two. I was surprised. I thought it was one child but it turned out he has two. This bothered me a little but I stayed. This is someone I love so I was not pushed away.

My sister doesn’t like him and my friends too don’t like him. They say the fact that he has two children with another woman is a red flag. Of course, that’s something I was concerned about but because I love him so much, I was not deterred.

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Somewhere around last year, I was talking to his cousin Amina about him. That was when she told me he is married. I got scared that day. I was shaking and crying. When I asked him he said, “I don’t belong to anyone. I am yours alone.” This time around I did not just take his word for it. I had someone do an investigation on him and the person confirmed what Amina said. My boyfriend is a married man.

The person could not confirm if Abu was still with his wife. But he told me, “He is a wonderful man so you can get to know him for yourself first.” Honestly, Abu is the sweetest and most understanding person I know.

What Would You Do Differently For Them?

School has just resumed so I am back in Koforidua. The other day I passed by his neighborhood to visit an aunt who lives close to him. She also confirmed that he is married. I was so disturbed. When she saw my face she said, “Even though he is married, he is a good man. If you like him that much you can be his second wife. Whatever it is, just talk to him about it.” I have been thinking deeply since I spoke to my aunt.

I keep asking myself if I can be with a man who lied about the number of children he has and the fact that he is married. He has a nice personality but is that enough to make him a good man? I love him so much that I will agree to be his second wife in a heartbeat. Here lies the case where he wouldn’t even admit he has a wife. If I knew about his wife, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place. I don’t want to destroy his home and his beautiful family. I am confused about the whole thing. What do I do?

–Ayisha

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