I went to a church event and met Pastor. He’s not a pastor as in pastor but he’s Pastor. I mean Pastor is his name. When I asked why he was called pastor he told me, “Because I wanted to become a pastor when I was young.” He didn’t become a pastor but he wanted to become my boyfriend. I tried to withdraw from him because I had a boyfriend. He persisted until he got me to a point where he proposed.

“I have a boyfriend, I won’t lie to you. Just that things are not as smooth as I hoped but we are hanging in there.”

He looked at me and licked his lips; “You have someone who is not treating you like the queen you deserve? A girl like you should have it smooth no matter how rough the road is.” I smiled. He got bars and the bars hit the spot for me.

Julius was still in my life after three years of dating. We were in school together. He completed school before I did. He got a good job and was doing everything amazing for me. He paid my fees in my last year. He bought books. He gave me pocket money. He brought gifts and brought an undying love into my life.

Just before I completed school he told me he wanted to travel abroad. I couldn’t convince him not to because he felt that was the only place he could make it in life. A couple of months after my graduation, I held his hand for the last time at the airport and bade him goodbye as he disappeared into the crowd.

He made promises. He promised a lot of things that made me feel like I would lose nothing when he was gone but once he got there, he didn’t call or text to tell me he was there. It was his brother who told me he had called to tell them he had arrived.

Three months of silence later, Pastor came into my life with bars and bangs hoping for me to say yes to him. I didn’t say yes but I left it open for future consideration. I told him to give me time to think about it and he agreed. Just a couple of days later, Julius reached out with a long message explaining how and why he hadn’t communicated with me. He said it was about documents and that the people he relied on lied to him. He asked me to pray for him and that things would be OK.

I thought from there, communication would flow but it didn’t. It was every once in a while. I didn’t have a number to call him on. When I texted, it took days to get a response. The only thing that kept me hoping was how he had loved me when he was around. I believed he would do the right thing.

Pastor was there knocking on my door. I hesitated a bit but I said yes. What he used to convince me was his stand on sex before marriage. He said, “I’m a church guy so you can believe me. I’m not in it just for the fun of it. I won’t even touch you until you give me the right to.” I asked, “So, no sex until marriage, do you agree?”

He didn’t hesitate. He nodded his head and screamed, “Yes, I agree.”

Pastor was a great guy. Someone told me it was because he felt someone was in the picture. He was doing everything for me to know he was the right guy for me. He came to my room for the first time after three months of dating. I didn’t want to send him there to tempt him but he insisted. Three days after visiting my room, he brought me a new fridge. He realized I didn’t have a fridge so he bought one for me. Not only that, within six months of dating, he had filled my little kitchen with most of the things every kitchen needed.

I loved him for his heart. If Julius wasn’t in the picture, I would have given my whole to him and loved him endlessly but Julius was still there, making appearances now and then and telling me to stay put and that everything would be alright. Pastor kept asking about Julius. I was always truthful; “Julius is still there. I’m confused about him but when it comes to you, I’m not confused at all. I see what you’re doing and I know it’s love.”

He was worried that I couldn’t get rid of Julius but he was comforted about the fact that Julius wasn’t in the country. He was very sure Julius was going to leave me so he warned, “Those guys abroad are like that. Once they get there, they drink water of forgetfulness and forget about everything. They won’t tell you. They’ll keep you hoping until you give up. Give up already.”

The history between me and Julius didn’t allow me to give up just like that. I was praying for him but I gave myself one more year to move on if nothing changed. I communicated the same to Pastor. He said a year was too long. I asked what I should do and he told me, “The next time you speak to him, tell him it’s over. Trust me, he will be happy. He will be happy because you had told him what he had always wanted to hear.”

I was with him in his room when we had this conversation. He kissed me and I responded. He tried taking off my clothes and I didn’t stop him. I thought he deserved it for having the patience to listen to my nonsense and still stick around.

A few days later, Julius called. I told him exactly what Pastor said I should tell him. He breathed in and breathed out loudly. He asked if I was seeing someone else. I told him about Pastor and how long he had been around and everything that had happened except the shuperu part. He said, “I understand what you’re going through but I’m close to a breakthrough. Don’t leave at this time that good things are coming.”

I relayed what transpired to Pastor and he got angry. He said, “I’m sick and tired of this sick joke. Let’s settle this. Choose one. Tell me who you want. We can’t go on like that forever.”

He was so sure I was going to choose him. Even when I asked him to give me time to think about it, he said no. “Do it now and after today, I don’t want to hear Julius this and Julius that.”

I chose Julius. He called me crazy. I told him that was my choice and he told me I didn’t know what I wanted. He gave me a week to think about it but two days later, he was at my door asking me to give him everything he had ever bought for me.

“Pastor, are you serious?”

“I’m serious. If you don’t want a man, you don’t want his things too.”

“Pastor, it hasn’t come to that. You gave me a week so why now?”

“You chose him first. I won’t be your second choice. Bring my things out or I should come in?”

I left the doorway for him to enter. He turned off the fridge and started taking the stocks out. I was watching him, dazed with shock. He put the little items in the fridge and took a large cellophane tape to tie the fridge’s door. He called someone on the phone, a taxi driver and gave him directions. I kept asking him, “Is that a dream? Is that the same Pastor I used to know?”

He left with whatever he had bought me. The ones he forgot to take, I added them. He walked out without saying goodbye. He didn’t even look back to see the shock on my face.

A day later, he texted, “If you want the things, I can bring them back. I have no use for them but I was very hurt. After everything I’ve done for you?” I responded, “Keep them. I’m happy I know the man behind the mask. Thank you.”

The Reason Why My Wife Doesn’t Allow Me To Touch Her

Julius and I are doing very well. We talk about the future. I’m happy that he still thinks about me but most importantly, I’m happy his answer made me discover who Pastor truly is. At this point, if the relationship between me and Julius amounts to nothing, I will always be happy that he didn’t lead me to make a wrong choice in Pastor. That alone is worth every good feeling. 

—Breena

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