I met him at a church comedy show. After the event ended, we sat in the same bus and he took my number. Then he started to call me everyday. He was very open about his life. I liked that him. Even things that I considered too personal, he did not hide them from me. It made me feel special. In my experience, when someone lays bare their soul before you, it is because they like you. So I was sure this guy liked me. I convinced myself that it is just a matter of time before he would propose.
I was there for him whenever he needed to talk. And he was wanted to talk to me. He asked for my opinion about everything concerning his life. If I told him, “Yes, go ahead and do that,” that was exactly what he would do. If I counseled him, “No, it’s not a good idea for you to do this,” he wouldn’t do it. A man who respected what I had to say ticked one of my boxes.
Conversations between us were never boring. We would talk till I got tired and dozed off. I thought all this would make him realize how much I cared for him so he would propose love to me but it never happened. We went on several dates and the settings were mostly romantic but he never told me, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” So I just enjoyed all those countless dates in the spirit of friendship.
During one of our conversations he said, “Nobody has ever done anything special for me on my birthday. I am not even used to getting gifts.” So on his birthday, I took him to an expensive restaurant and showered him with gifts. He was so thankful. “You are the first person to ever make me feel special in my entire life,” he praised me. I thought this would propel him to profess his love for me but it still did not happen.
When my birthday was approaching, I told him about it. I expected him to reciprocate my gesture of grand celebration so I turned away all the men who wanted to spend time with me. I told them I had plans with someone else. And I reserved the day for him, only for him to take me to the movies. He didn’t even ask me which movie I wanted to see. He chose what he wanted. He made no arrangements for food either. I knew he could afford to do more for me but he wasn’t willing to. Even the movie date, it seemed he only took me because he felt obligated to do it.
Despite all this, I still stuck around him. If he needed me, I would be there. When he came to me and said, “I am ready to move from my parent’s place. So help me find a nice and affordable apartment,” I dropped everything to help him. Through my connections I helped him get a place that was super affordable but great. He quickly paid and told me to help him decorate as if I was going to be the one living there. I lit up and said, “This is it. He will pop the question after this.”
He made me choose everything in the room. Right from the colour of the walls to everything he needed to make the space comfortable; the couch, TV, kitchen appliances, carpets, and everything you can think of. His brother actually thought we were already together. So he showed him where he could hang my picture. All this happened but the guy didn’t verbally express interest in me.
It was at this point that I confided in one of my friends about him. After hearing my rants she said, “I know about this guy. He has been rumored to lead ladies on and string them along until they get tired. He never commits to anyone so be careful.”
When I heard this I went to him and asked, “What are your intentions toward me?” Although he seemed unprepared for my question he answered, “I am studying you alongside other women.” He said he couldn’t assure me if he liked me but he also couldn’t say that he didn’t. So I told him, “Let me make things easier by removing myself from the equation. Now, you have a smaller list to choose from.”
After that conversation, I completely cut him off. After all, I had a lot of suitors coming my way and he knew about them. When he saw that I was no longer interested in talking to him, he tried to get my attention. So I plainly told him that I could not be friends with him anymore. That was when he realized that I seriously wanted nothing to do with him anymore, so he left.
The next time I saw him was when I was running around getting things ready for my wedding in two weeks. I was heading to my car when I saw him walking down the street. He approached me and I invited him to my wedding.
What One Lesson Did You Learn From Your Dad?
Of course, he couldn’t show up. I knew he wouldn’t. I had moved on long time. I only invited him out of courtesy.
I am now married to the most amazing man I have ever met. He honors and respects me. He knows my value as a woman and treats me like a queen. I’m so glad I stood my ground and walked away from the guy who didn’t know what he wanted. I remember how he told me he was moving out of his parents house because he was ready to get married that very year. It’s been over three years since I walked away from him but he is still not married. I wonder if that is how he would have kept stringing me along if I never found the boldness to walk away from him.
—Abena
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Now, Ababa is a woman who knows what she wants and will not let anyone keep her in a laboratory for self observation. Happy you moved on. Everyone deserves to move when they are with people who don’t value them.