I had completed SHS and was still figuring out what to do with my life when I met him. Before him, my future looked very bleak. I had dreams. I had big plans. But I didn’t have the push I needed to execute them. He gave me that push. He was the one who gave me money to buy tertiary school forms. When I gained admission he said, “Don’t worry about your school fees. I will take care of it.” I couldn’t believe that someone who was only my boyfriend was willing to invest so much into my future, but he was serious.
Before I went to school, he sat me down one night and told me he had a baby with one of his secondary schoolmates. “I have nothing to do with the mother of the child, but I want you to be part of the baby’s life.” I was surprised that he kept something this big from him since I met him in 2010 till 2011, but I didn’t make an issue out of it. I understood him and tried to involve myself in the child’s life.
I got in touch with his baby mama and we started talking. When the child needed something, she would tell me and I would collect the money from my boyfriend for her. This arrangement worked perfectly for us. Then I went to school and everything continued to flow smoothly. He paid my school fees, and hostel fees, and made sure I never lacked anything.
Along the line, he got the opportunity to travel outside Ghana. It was difficult for me to agree to let him go, but I had to. “However long you will be gone for,” I will wait for you.” He also made a lot of promises to me before he left.
He kept his promise. He continued to take care of me. And we kept in touch. It wasn’t easy to maintain our unbridled passion because of the distance but we fought and made it work. After three years overseas, he decided to come back home.
I met him at the airport the day he arrived. It was all fun and nostalgic. I couldn’t believe that after all these years, he was back in my arms. We spent the first few days catching up and making up for lost time. On the third day, I was going through pictures on his phone when I saw a photo of a newborn baby.
I ignored it and kept on scrolling, but I kept seeing more of the baby’s photos. He even had a video of when the baby’s navel was removed. That was when I knew something wasn’t right. I closed the photos app and dived into his WhatsApp chats.
It was then I came across a chat between him and a lady. She was telling him that the baby could now touch something. I kept on scrolling and saw more conversations about the baby. Some had to do with money. I deduced from their chat the lady lived in Ghana. So I took her number and called her.
I introduced myself as my boyfriend’s sister. I told her, “Mike gave your number to me to call you. I’m just checking up on you because he is not in town. In due time I will come and visit you.” We had a lengthy chat that day. She confirmed that the baby was Mike’s. They met overseas and got together. And when she got pregnant, he persuaded her to move back to Ghana and have the baby. The baby was three months old and the naming ceremony was already done at the time we spoke.
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I didn’t ask Mike about any of it until the lady told him that his sister called. He knew then that I was the one. He actually got angry at me and accused me of planning evil against him. He then called the lady, insulted her, and warned her never to call him again.
After his outburst, he stepped out and came home later in the evening. He was calm and started explaining himself to me. He said it was a mistake. He didn’t plan for things to go that way. He said he was sorry. Then he took my phone and deleted the lady’s number. “You have nothing to worry about. Her parents have even warned her not to marry me so it’s a win-win.” He never went to see the baby.
I Suspected She Was Cheating On Me But There Was No Way To Prove It
I told him countless times to go and see his son but he didn’t do it before he left Ghana again. He said they planned that when the baby is a year old, she should leave him with her mother so he would sponsor her to return abroad.
Mike still keeps in touch with me. Nothing has changed between us. He is still the same man I fell in love with in 2010. However, I feel insecure right now. When I hear about the lady and the baby, all I think about is the pain his betrayal caused me. I don’t think I can be with him anymore. The fact that he is over there and I am here does not put my mind at ease at all. What should I do, please?
—Nan
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Send him a big thank you message for the great help he has been to you. Then tell him you do not think it is right for him to keep getting other women pregnant and not marry them as you can feel the agony of the baby mamas because you are a woman too. Tell him to give his son a stable home by living with the baby mama to raise the son in a loving environment. Asure him you hold no grudges against him and move on. Love will soon find you.
Kojo is on point. Your man does not respect you. Covering your mistakes with anger is a serious red flag you can’t ignore. You are right to feel insecure. And the insecurity should stretch to your physical health! Not only is he cheating on you but he is also having unprotected sex!
Kojo is right my dear. Once a cheat always a cheat. Trust in a relationship is very important. Once it’s broken, no matter how well you try to glue it back it will never be the same. There will always be a dent. That dent is in the form of his child outside of your relationship with him. Just as he has promised you heaven and earth, it’s the same promise he gives to his other women. The Bible sums it up by saying in the book of proverbs that the shrewd person sees the danger ahead and conceals himself but the inexperienced/ foolish one walks right into it and suffers the consequences.