I belong to a denomination that preaches that we should marry from the church. They tell us that it is better for us and easier to keep our faith if we marry someone who practices the same doctrines as we are taught in church. I am talking about the Jehovah’s Witness church.

Now that is my problem. I have never met someone in my church who is interested in marrying me. The church boys who come into my life only talk about having intimacy with me. None of them have tried to get to know me for who I am. I am fair and chubby so they are attracted to my body. When I start talking to them, they do everything possible to steer our conversations toward shuperu.

I want to remain chaste until marriage. This is not something I have discussed with any of the men. As Christians, I expect them to know that fornication is a sin, and not suggest that we do it. There was a guy I dated who was different from the rest. He never mentioned sex to me. It didn’t even come up in our conversations.

I told myself, “This guy is different from all the Witnesses I have met. Maybe he is the one.” I met him on Facebook through a friend. While I live in Kasoa, he lived at Amasaman. So there was quite a distance between us. Because of this, we barely saw each other. Most of our conversations happened on the phone. I didn’t even know where he lived.

We were together for almost six months, and in this period I never asked him for money. There was a time he even offered me money but I politely refused it. “I don’t want you to think you owe me money, just because I am your girlfriend,” I told him. Things progressed smoothly after that. I had even planned our wedding in my head. I was just waiting for him to pop the question so we could start making preparations for marriage. It may seem we are moving too fast but our church encourages us not to date for too long. That way we wouldn’t be tempted to sin.

So the progress of the relationship was normal. Only for me to wake up one day and realize that this guy has blocked me. I didn’t know where he lived so I couldn’t go and look for him. I kept playing the events that occurred in the previous days in my head. Did I at any point say something to push him away? I replayed all of our conversations and I didn’t notice anything that should offend him.

After a few days, he unblocked me. This was the excuse he gave me; “All the valuables in my room were stolen in just one night. They were worth a fortune so I don’t know when I will be able to acquire such things again. This has affected my plans to marry you. So if you find someone else suitable to be your husband, go ahead and be with the person.”

Although his explanations didn’t make sense to me, I didn’t argue with him about it. I just told him, “I am not with you for your money so I am not going anywhere. I will stand with you till you get back on your feet. If you need me to support you with money too, I will do that.” He was thankful for my commitment to the relationship. “You really are a precious gem, my dear. I will accept whatever help you are willing to offer me. God bless you so much.” I was glad that our problems would not drown us.

However, that was the last I heard of him. He blocked me again the next day. No explanations. No breakup texts. He was just gone. I was heartbroken but what could I have done? I just had to move on.

Everyone who has come into my life from that moment does not want us to practice abstinence until marriage. They all want a taste of my cookie. What bothers me about all this is that they are in the church too. We read the same Bible and listen to the same teachings, so why are they the exact opposite of me? Is it because they are men or maybe I am possessed with a spirit that only attracts men who only want me for shuperu?

When I go outside the church too, the only men who show interest in me are married. I have vowed never to date a married man so that’s a no-no for me. When they meet me they tell me straight to my face, “I want to have you in my bed.” They don’t even attempt to offer me love and affection first. It’s all about desire for them.

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No matter how juicy the offer they make me, I tell them I am not interested. The last thing I want is to be the reason another woman sheds tears.

I find this whole situation terrifying. I have prayed fervently for God to deliver me from anything that has packaged me as someone who should only be slept with but not loved. Although I am convinced that there is a spiritual warfare attached to this, I also trust in God and his blessings.

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As the days go by, I am reminded that my biological clock is ticking. I am definitely not getting any younger. That is one of the reasons I am sharing my story here. Who knows? Maybe my husband is on this page.

In case you are wondering, I am not a lazy woman. I teach in one of the reputable schools in my neighbourhood. I am currently pursuing a degree at the University of Education, Winneba. I am in my final year so I will be done soon. I am the one paying my fees. And I live alone and pay my own rent, by Jehovah’s grace. I am giving all this information to make it clear that I am after anyone’s money. I can take care of myself. I am just looking for someone who shares my faith in hopes that we can share a life together.

—Annie  

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