I realized very early in life that I was attracted to older women so I went for older women. They should be ten years or more older than me before I would be attracted to them. I was bold about it. I went forward when I saw an opportunity. I dated widows with children older than I was. I dated divorcees and I dated women I called lonely women. For some reason, these women were looking for love in areas they couldn’t find it. I provided the source and they got attracted.

When I met the woman I’m currently with, Sabina. I decided to settle with her. She’s thirteen years older. We dated for a year behind closed doors. I wanted everyone to know about us but she was scared she would be judged. She had the money. She was well respected. She was even a leader in her church but each time I told her we should make our relationship public, she cringed.

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“Are you sure you want to do this? The day we come public is the day we die. Everyone would come at us and soon we would be destroyed,” She said. I responded, “I want this to be permanent so we can’t always hide. Look at me, I’m not a child. If you’re dating someone like me, It’s not illegal. Come out of your fear and let’s do this. We don’t have a lot of time.”

She was scared she would lose me. I was sure we would make it. When I told my mom about her, she opened her mouth wide and let it stay like that for several seconds; “Herh, what did you say? Wake up from your dreams. Sabina? What have you seen in her? If it’s the money, I would ask you to work hard. One day you’ll make your own money.”

My dad made it a point to make a mockery of it. “Small boy like you, you won’t go for your size.” He would call and ask how my old woman was doing. I would respond, “She’s here with me., would you like to talk to her?” He said no until one day he said yes. He thought I was lying. They talked. He asked questions and she answered honestly. After the conversation, my dad said, “If that’s what you want.”

Sabina had two children from her previous two marriages. It was a huge concern for my mom. That she might not give birth again. I told her, “She’s only forty-two. It’s still possible.”

They frowned on us. They accepted our relationship but weren’t happy about it. They came to our wedding with frowned faces but I wasn’t looking at their faces. We had a small ceremony between the families and later signed in court.

It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. She guides me. She embraces my mistakes. She tells me, “It’s alright, let’s do it again.” In her eyes, I may make a lot of mistakes because of my age but it’s never my fault.

Yes, we’ve had moments where we fought gidigidi but in the end, we fought fair. Her maturity has always been my saving grace. She has made a lot of mistakes in life so she helps prevent me from doing the same. It’s the reason I wouldn’t have married anyone else if it wasn’t for her.

I Told Him To Go Ahead And Do It

So to Clinton, it’s never a bad thing to date older women or want to marry one. People made rules and asked all of us to fit in but there are people like us; the square pegs that can’t enter a round hole, the corks that can’t go underwater. The force that can’t be contained. We are not many but we shouldn’t be scared to go for what we want. So go for it. If you settle for less, you’ll live the rest of your life wondering. Don’t do it. Go for what you love.

—Alex

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