I married a beautiful woman. That’s one thing everyone with eyes can see. I love her very much. In the past, I used to be constantly turned on whenever she got close to me. Wherever we found ourselves, I always looked for opportunities to touch her, and possibly sneak away with her for a quickie. That’s how attracted I was to her.

As I am writing this, we have a three-year-old daughter. Usually, people complain that having kids changes things in the bedroom. Especially when it comes to the frequency of intimacy and attraction. I am sure that it wouldn’t have been a problem for me.

Honestly, I am a present father. It’s because of my job. It’s flexible. So I get to spend a lot of time at home. This gives me the opportunity to spend more time with her than her mother does. We are so close that whenever she wants something, I am the one she comes to.

“Daddy, I want food.”

“Daddy! Water”

“I will weewee!”

“Poopoo,” her little lips would utter these words.

Sometimes I would be sitting right next to her mother but she would still come to me with her list of requests. There was a time she even had an itch down there. I was the one she asked to scratch it for her, although her mother was present.

I bathe her, feed her, help her with her homework, and play with her when she is bored with her toys. I take her to school and pick her up when she closes. All the roles society has assigned to women when it comes to taking care of children, I do it. The only time her mother steps in is when she wants to help me. We made the child together so I don’t mind doing most of the work.

The only thing I had a problem with is her poop. I told my wife, “I don’t like seeing faeces. I know she is our child but anytime I have to attend to her when she poops, I get uncomfortable. Sometimes I am unable to eat after I clean her up and discard the poop. So please, take care of that.”

The first time I said it she agreed. However, when the time came for her to do it, she turned a blind eye. I didn’t want us to argue about it in front of our daughter so I did it. This continued until I sat her down and talked to her about it again. This time around too she said, “It’s not a problem. I will do it.” I thought she would actually follow through with her promise but she didn’t.

The thing is, my appetite for food alone is not the only thing that is affected by this. Once I see it, my whole mood becomes messed up. So I don’t even want to engage in shuperu. It’s that bad. Again, this has nothing to do with my child. I just don’t like dealing with human waste in any form. The only thing I can slightly tolerate is urine. Any other thing is a no-no for me.

My wife knows this about me but she continues to put me in situations where I have to put up with it. Currently, she is pregnant. She is always throwing up and spitting all over the place. I know this comes with the territory so that is not where my concern stems from.

The thing is, she throws up in any disposable container near her and leaves it wherever she left it until I get tired and throw it away. Can you imagine living like this? If I don’t discard her vomit, it can sit there for days. The same way if I don’t get rid of our daughter’s poop, she wouldn’t touch it. So either way, I can’t win. If I don’t do it, then I have to live with it. If I do it too, I have to see it, smell it, and end up feeling so nauseous that I can’t think about food without my throat closing up.

If I can’t think about food, how can I even consider intimacy? Right now my wife has that beautiful glow that accompanies pregnancy. So she looks so sexy. However, I don’t find her desirable. I barely want to touch her. I see her and I am not even tickled. Not even when she lays bare all the parts of her body that ignite the fiery passion that once burned me with need for her.

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This is all because of the things I have to deal with that I don’t like. She is not a dirty person. She just doesn’t see the need to dispose of these things urgently. I talked to her, “Honey, be more considerate of my feelings when you are dealing with these things. It’s affecting me very badly. It looks like nothing but it’s killing me slowly.”

She got defensive, “Do you know how difficult it is to carry a pregnancy? Instead of you being supportive and taking good care of me, you are here complaining about how uncomfortable I am making you.” All I want is for her to do things properly. Am I asking for too much?

I Haven’t Done It With A Married Woman Before | Story Board

I can’t even bring up the issue anymore because when I do, I become the tyrant making her life miserable. She expects me to understand her situation and live with it as it is. I can do that but it comes at a cost. I am worried that it would get to a time where my lack of desire for her would also become another mountain we have to climb in our marriage.

I don’t want things to get to that point. That’s why I’m here. I need to know what I can do to get through to her without hurting her feelings. If only she saw things from my point of view, we wouldn’t be having problems. Am I wrong?

—Max

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