I was thirteen when it all began. My parents had just gotten a divorce. My mother got custody of my siblings while my father got custody of me. They agreed that I would visit my mother during holidays and vacations to spend time with her and my siblings. It was during my visits to my mother’s place that a lady over there took a shine to me. She was much older than I was. I was too young to tell her age but now that I look back, she must’ve been in her twenties.

This lady had a habit of touching me inappropriately. I didn’t understand what it meant to be touched that way but it aroused certain feelings in me. That’s how I knew it was wrong. So I didn’t allow it. You see, my mother is a prayerful woman. Whenever we did something wrong as kids, she would see it in a dream and start asking questions. That’s why I didn’t want that lady to be touching anyhow. I was afraid my mother would find out.

I thought I was doing a good job of avoiding her until she took me to the market one evening. It was around 8:00 PM so nobody was around. This lady forced herself on me and had her way with me. That was the beginning of my woes. It was as if a spirit entered me that night.

I started having strong sexual urges. I didn’t know how to handle these emotions. I couldn’t also talk to anybody about them. When I turned fourteen, I was watching a movie in somebody’s room when they started showing an adult movie. I hid and watched it. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

My sexual urges got stronger. I started playing with myself so I could get release from the unholy fire burning inside me. I remember when I would walk ten kilometres to Kejetia just so I could take advantage of the crowd and touch a woman’s butt. It was the closest I could get to a woman’s body without actually fornicating with one.

I continued pleasuring myself until I got to SHS 1. At that stage, I got more adventurous. Every time my dad gave me money for school, I would use it to patronize the services of a sex worker. My entire time in high school was spent this way. The moment I got money, I used to visit my favourite prostitute.

The entire time I was struggling with my sexual sins, I was in church. I was praying and serving God fervently. I prayed constantly for God to take away my urges but nothing changed. After SHS, I felt the call of God on my life to do ministry work so I moved to Accra to follow the call.

When I first got to Accra, I started preaching in cars. For a whole year, I was able to abstain from my indulgences. I was doing well until someone invited me to the beach one day. We got there and I saw a lot of women wearing bikinis. It triggered me. The urge was so strong that I couldn’t stop it. I remember going into the sea to masturbate.

From there I started getting worse. I didn’t have a place to sleep so I was sleeping in the church. Because of my dedication to the work of God, women were drawn to me. I could pray for ten hours. Sometimes too, I would pray for twenty hours. This made my pastor love and trust me. So he didn’t mind that I was staying in the church.

There was a lady who fell in love with me. She would also come and sleep in the church just to be close to me. One night I couldn’t control myself so we had shuperu. This continued almost every night. She was not the only one I did this with. By the time I left the church, I had slept with seven young women in the church.

The next church I joined too, I was loved by the pastor. His wife also loved me, a little too much if you ask me. By that I mean, she came to me for shuperu. I tried to resist e but I wasn’t strong enough. We started doing it whenever we got the chance. Sometimes she would finish doing it with her husband and come to me. “I am not satisfied with what my husband did so finish what he started,” she would say. Every time we finished she would give me money. Her generosity knew no bounds.

I started a small business with the money I was receiving from this lady. It isn’t that I was happy lying with another man’s wife. I just couldn’t control myself. It was as if, something inside me was remote-controlling my libido. I felt so dirty. I started contemplating taking my life. When I couldn’t take it anymore I left the church.

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I am now in a different church. This place too, the pastor likes me because of my commitment to church work. The ladies are dying over me. No, it’s not love or marriage they want from me. They just want me to satisfy them sexually. That’s all. I am thirty years now but I have only had one meaningful relationship. It lasted for two years and ended. Every other woman who came into my life only wanted to use me to satisfy their lust.

Right now, here is my problem. I have spent all my money on hook-up girls. Even my business has collapsed because of this. I have gone for loans just so I could engage the services of these girls. I borrowed money from people as well. Some of them are my church members. They reported me to our pastor. Some of the girls I slept with also reported me to our pastor. I opened up to him about some of my struggles and he prayed for me.

How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams

However, I am still not okay. I am currently owing over GHC12,000 all because I couldn’t control myself. I am very tired. Worst of all, the pastor’s wife I used to sleep with has a younger sister who wants me to marry her. I have slept with her too. I feel horrible. After that incident, I drank an entire bottle of alcohol in an attempt to kill myself but I didn’t die.

I am still here with all my problems. I need help. I feel like my first sexual encounter was a covenant. I don’t know what to do. I need to break away from this bondage before it finally ends my life. I also need help with my finances. If anyone has a job I can do so I would use the money to pay off my loans, I will forever remain in your debt. I have prayed and fasted but nothing has changed. That’s why I have brought my struggles here. Please, if you can, help me.

—Akwesi

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