All I have ever wanted is to find love. I want to be loved by someone. I want to be the reason someone picks up his phone and smiles. I want them to feel excitement or an influx of love hormones when my thoughts cross their mind. I have seen girls my age find men who worship the ground on which they walk. Why can’t that happen to me?

I have met a lot of men here in Nigeria. But it has never been as simple as meeting someone. All the elements have to align. For me, I end up meeting someone who loves me very much but isn’t financially independent. How can love flourish without money? Besides, I had heard stories about women who struggle with men only for the man to jilt them when things start getting better. So I don’t want to risk the same thing happening to me.

That’s why it’s important to me that the man I date is financially stable. That way I would know that I am who he wants, and not just someone he is settling for because he cannot have the kind of woman he wants. However, when I meet someone who has money, but I don’t love him I don’t bother. I am not after anybody’s money. What I truly want is love, so why should I be with someone I don’t love?

Because of these two things I require in a partner, I’ve had my heart broken a trillion times. For some reason, I end up dating men who are financially stable but they don’t love me as much as I love them.

As I am writing this, I encountered one of such men at an event a while back, and he is driving me insane. Because of him, I am no longer concentrating properly at work. I was doing some work in one of our facilities but my attitude at work made them stop me from working there.

This is what happened. When I first met him he was straight with me. He told me, “I am not going to lie to you, I am married. My wife lives in Canada with our daughter. I visit them sometimes but I am mostly here alone in Nigeria.” “If you are married then what do you want from me?” I asked him. He said he likes me. And that he would like to have a romantic relationship with me.

He wanted me to be his woman here while his wife was away. He only ticked a few of my boxes. I wasn’t even attracted to him physically. But I was tired of getting heartbroken. And I felt this man would treat me right. I figured we could have a meaningful relationship despite the fact that he was married. After all, we live in a society where polygamy is not frowned upon, so why not give him a chance?

As time went on, he grew on me. I started becoming fond of him at a time when I least expected it. Then we finally decided to take the big leap and have shuperu. Immediately after we did it, this man changed. He started giving me attitude.

This man who was calm and sweet, all of a sudden flared up at any slightest provocation. The other day I sat him down and told him, “This is not the relationship you promised me. You said you love me but I don’t feel loved. You don’t communicate with me. You won’t even call or text to check up on me.” Just as he has said several times in the past, he told me; “I have a lot on my mind. You know my sister is dying of cancer. This is a very difficult time for me so stop nagging me and be more supportive.”

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I want to be supportive but this is someone who goes about engaging in his hobbies. He would go out and play football, and spend time chatting with his friends. If he can make time to play and keep a social life, then surely, he is not too busy for me. I have been asking myself what changed.

I’m Attracted To Women Who Have Children

One moment he is acting sweet and kind, and the next moment, he is doing everything in his power to make me feel like I don’t matter to him. Is he doing this because he has gotten what he is looking for? Why do men feel the need to lie to women just because of sex? Something that you will do for a few minutes and you’d feel like it never happened. Is it really worth all the trouble?

My heart is broken again, and this time, by a married man. I have deleted his contact and messages from my phone but I’m still fighting hard to forget him. I know some of you will judge me. Please take it easy, for I am in a fragile place. What I need is your help. How do I forget about him and heal from this pain I am feeling?

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—Peace 

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