I am a loyal person. I am talking about the kind of loyalty that makes me stay in situations common sense should take me out of. That’s why cheating is a deal breaker for me. I have dated all types of men. I have been with an abuser. I have been with non-commitals. And I have been with cheaters. Among all these, the ones I easily walk away from are cheaters. Other things I forgive, but once I catch you cheating, it’s over.

Due to this, I found myself single most of the time. It got lonely sometimes but it was also free of drama. It was during one of my single periods that I met Adjei on Facebook. He was interesting to talk to. We couldn’t meet in person because he was outside the country. So we just texted and spoke on the phone from time to time.

One day we were talking when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him, “I like you but I can’t date you. First of all, I have never met you. Everything I know about you is what you told me. Secondly, I don’t do long-distance relationships. If it was in another region in Ghana, I would have tried. But another continent is a no-no for me.” He wasn’t pleased but he accepted my answer gracefully.

A few years along the line he came to Ghana. This was in 2021. He reached out to me and we met. We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other better. By the time our date was over, I was in love with him. So when he proposed love to me again, I accepted it. I wanted to try the long-distance thing and see if it would work.

I am not the kind of woman who expects financial benefits  from a relationship. So I never ask him for money. He was the one who chose to give me money. Sometimes he would send me GHC700 every quarter. Other times too, he would send more.

Although we were far apart, in our hearts we were very close. I never felt alone or lonely. We made phone calls all the time. He mostly preferred video calls. It’s because he was insecure. When he calls and I am in my room, he asks that I take the camera around the room. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he knew I was truly alone in the room.

When he first started doing this, I brushed it aside saying, “Maybe he is behaving like that because he is not here. When he visits and we spend enough time together, he will know who I am and relax.”

In 2021 he told me, “I will return to Ghana in December. When I come, I will take the necessary steps to legalize our relationship.” I love him so I was excited about the promise his return held.

Soon enough, December arrived. However, Adjei did not. He said his work didn’t give him leave so he couldn’t come. I told him, “It’s alright. We can do it next year.”

Things started getting a little strained from there. He was constantly picking fights. Then he would ghost me for two weeks. It was hurtful. Then when he was ready, he would walk back into my life as though he never left. He expects me not to have any problems with this.

I went to visit a friend of mine who had gotten married. I told this man about it and he was all over the place. When I got to my friend’s place, he called me and I turned the camera on. He saw my friend and her husband before he calmed down.

When I complained about his behaviour, he would say I am seeing other men. One time I went to see a male friend off. This man got upset and didn’t talk to me for two weeks.

Earlier this year, he stopped giving me money. I don’t know why but I haven’t asked him about it. Apart from that, his attitude has changed. It is as if he is looking for an opportunity to leave the relationship. He treats me like an option.

I decided to pull away from him but I love him so much that I can’t do it. I even met someone new. His name is Nii. He returned from the UK recently. We’ve gotten close these few months. He often took me out on dates. And at the end of the date he would drop me off at home. I never invited him inside.

It happened one night that I had too much to drink on our date. When he took me home, I invited him inside. We spent the night together having shuperu. The next morning I felt guilty. Although Adjei and I hadn’t spoken in a while, he was still my boyfriend. And I had cheated on him. I felt horrible.

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I told this new guy, “I am sorry if I led you on but what happened the other night cannot happen again.” He got angry, “What do you mean? If you try to keep yourself from me I will end your life.” I thought he was joking so I laughed.

As time went on, I noticed that something was off about him. He was always in my space. He wanted to know what I was doing all the time. So I started avoiding him. One day he came to my house and I said I wouldn’t let him in.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

He pushed the door, choked me, and said; “What I told you the last time was not a joke. Your body is addictive. And now that I have had a taste, I won’t let you go.” I don’t want this guy. He is not the one I love. The person I want is Adjei. But he is also ignoring me.

I am confused about this situation. On one hand, is the man I love. He says he loves me but he decides when he wants to talk to me. On another hand is a man who is threatening to end my life if I dare leave him. What do I do? Please I need help.

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—Aria 

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