He was all over me for eight years. He would come to me with his heart in his hands and say, “Riri, I love you. Give me a chance to prove it to you.” I would laugh and tell him to stop playing. Sometimes he wouldn’t push it. But other times, he would give detailed explanations telling me that I was the only woman for him. It took me eight years to accept that his love for me was pure. That was when I agreed to be his girlfriend.

He is my first boyfriend. And I hoped that he would be my only boyfriend until we get married. So we agreed that we wouldn’t have intimacy before marriage. Everything we did throughout the relationship was focused on building a healthy bond. He had my interest at heart. He cared about the well-being of my family and the success of my career.

Whenever there was a misunderstanding, we would sit down and talk about it until peace prevailed. The longest we would go without resolving our problems was two days. This really saved us from holding unnecessary grudges against each other.

The last misunderstanding we had was so unnecessary that I don’t even remember what caused it. Whoever was at fault refused to address the issue. So we went for two weeks without talking to each other. That was the end of the relationship. I was deeply hurt because I was at a very low point in my life. I needed him more than I had ever needed him, and he was nowhere in my life. This heightened my depression.

Just like every human being, I have my flaws. My flaws usually make me intolerable. I have met a lot of people who are unable to manage my imperfections. But Collins was different. He knew how to handle me, and he accommodated all my flaws. This is why I love him so much. Of course, I also managed all his flaws. Because of this, I felt nothing could tear us apart.

So when we didn’t talk for two weeks, I was sure we would work out our issues. That’s why it broke my heart when he chose to break up with me instead. I didn’t want him to leave but I couldn’t beg him, lest he sees me as desperate.

I told myself, “It’s Collins we are talking about. He will come to his senses and come back to me. Let me give him twenty-one days.” After twenty-one days, he didn’t come back. I waited for another twenty-one days but nothing happened. I waited again for the third time but he still didn’t come back. It dawned on me then that we had lost each other forever.

Just around then, another guy came and confessed his love for me. He said he had always liked me but he was scared to come forward. He knew me and he accepted all my flaws. That does not happen often so I agreed to date him. Two weeks into my new relationship, Collins crawled out of whatever hole he was hiding in.

At first, I didn’t want to entertain him. It’s because I knew he was back with the intention to have me again. I couldn’t possibly break my boyfriend’s heart just because my ex had finally decided he wanted me back. I tried to stay away from him but he kept pestering me to forgive him. He said he behaved the way he did because he was frustrated. I know him well so I knew he was telling me the truth. It was then I forgave him.

Collins and I are now just friends but he wants more. I told my boyfriend everything going on so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us. His response was, “Well, tell your ex that he can’t have you back. You are with me now.” I couldn’t tell my ex this. Knowing him, it will break him really hard. He’s very fragile and I don’t want him to harm himself because of me.

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After everything he has done, I still do care for him. Right now, we still talk as friends. And he continues to tell me he will be happy if I come back to him. I also play along for his sanity’s sake. Now, I don’t know what to do. The kind of connection I have with him is not something I have with my boyfriend.

To open your mouth to say I love you, Is kind of weird

I know Boo loves me very much but I don’t enjoy the kind of luxuries I enjoyed with Collins. Although I haven’t had a conversation with him about it yet, I expect him to do it on his own. He doesn’t show interest in my family, health, and growth the way Collins did. Our relationship is now eight months old but he gives me half the attention that my ex does.

I tried to break up with him (to see his reaction) but he didn’t accept it. He insists that he will never leave me. I feel torn between the two of them. I don’t know if I have a future with any of them. What do I do?

—Riri

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