I was having a conversation with my friend, Nana Yaa, one day when she said, “There’s someone I want you to talk to. He is looking to make new friends because he is a little down emotionally. I think you will be good for him.” In my experience, these kinds of things don’t always end up with mere friendship. And I wasn’t ready for anything besides friendship so I told my friend, “If he is down, let him go and see a therapist. Do I have what it takes to lift people’s spirits up?”

My friend knows that I didn’t make that comment in an attempt to be rude so she just laughed. I’m the kind you describe as the life of the party. I am an extrovert in every way. And I know how to make people close to me feel very good. That’s why I’m selective about who I allow into my space.

Even when it comes to my love life, I don’t date. I have only been in one relationship, and it didn’t end well. I was very broken because I loved him openly and freely. That was when I learned an important lesson about love; just because you love someone deeply does not mean they will stay with you. So after I got better, I decided that I wouldn’t date again until I was ready for marriage.

Nana Yaa knows all these things about me. So she assured me, “I am not asking you to marry the guy. Just get to know him and be his friend. If you two end up falling in love, great. If you don’t too, you will just be friends. He is a very God-fearing guy so he won’t bring you problems. Besides, you two have a lot in common so you will hit it off quite easily.” I agreed, and she was so happy about it.

Later, Gabby started texting me. Sometimes too, he would call me and we would have long conversations on the phone. I liked him. We didn’t get the chance to meet at first, because he was in Kumasi working on a project. Whenever we talked he would tell me, “I can’t wait to come to Accra so I take you out. It will be nice to finally see you in person.” I was also looking forward to seeing him.

We were yet to meet but there was something about him that made me trust him. Our friendship grew strong as a result of this. And Nana Yaa was not wrong, he is a God-fearing man. My relationship with God got better because of him. We shared our thoughts on sermons and discussed the revelations we received from the scriptures.

We talked about everything. You know how you meet someone and instantly feel connected to them? That’s how I felt about him. He became my person. What we shared was not lustful. It was a pure connection. The kind that broke all the walls I built around my heart. I even told him, “People have broken my trust many times so I don’t let just anyone get close to me. That’s why I’m surprised that I trust you although I haven’t seen you yet.”

He promised me, “I will never do anything to intentionally hurt you. And if I ever do, I will fight tooth and nail to earn your forgiveness.” With him, I couldn’t hide my true self. We built the kind of friendship anyone would be jealous of.

When he finally came to Accra, our connection got stronger. We went out a lot of times. He has visited me at home so many times that my parents and my brother got to know him. However, when I asked to know his house he only gave me excuses. I know that people get to do things in their own time so I never got offended that I didn’t know where he lived. I just enjoyed our friendship.

In June of that year, he got into an accident. He told me, “By God’s grace, I only suffered a few scratches. I will live.” I was so worried about him but he kept assuring me that he was okay. We spoke every single day and every time we spoke, he assured me he was fine.

Then all of a sudden, he stopped answering my calls and replying to my texts. I became more anxious. I kept wondering if something happened to him. I would pray and even cry to God to protect him. I tried so many ways to reach him but I couldn’t. I had no other choice but to keep praying for him.

From June till October, Gabby went silent on me. He would read my WhatsApp messages but not respond to them. That was when it occurred to me that I had been ghosted. I sent him a message apologizing for anything I might have done to push him away but he didn’t respond.

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I was so hurt. I was actually more hurt than when my ex and I broke up. That’s because my friendship with Gabby is nothing like I have ever experienced. What hurt me more was when I found out he got married around October.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hoping our friendship would go anywhere beyond friendship. I was just surprised that he didn’t trust me enough to tell me he was seeing someone, let alone, share news of his marriage with me. I began to wonder if he ghosted me because he was getting married. Which didn’t even make sense.

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I thought he valued the friendship we shared, but I was wrong. I trusted him with my entire life but he didn’t think I mattered enough to get an invite to his wedding. There are times I wish I would talk to him and get an explanation for his behaviour, but what good would that do me? What’s done is done. It’s all in the past now.

I am only sharing this story to talk about the fact that friendship breakups hurt worse than when a partner leaves you. A year has gone by since we last spoke but I still think of him. I don’t hate him. Rather, I smile when I remember all the good times we shared. Some days too, I feel sad when I remember that I didn’t mean that much to him.

—Afia   

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