It’s Been Thirteen Years But He Still Doesn’t Have Money For Marriage

After thirteen years together and a son together, George is still not ready for marriage. Whenever I bring the subject up he would tell me, “It’s not the right time to get married now. I can’t afford it. We already live together, so what’s the rush? Let’s just take care of our family. When the time is right, we will make it happen.” I wish I could say that I had the money to support him with the marriage, but I am in school. I don’t even have a job so my father is the one taking care of my education.

I don’t know what he does for a living. He wakes up in the morning, takes his bath, and heads out to work. Then he would return home tired. I have asked him several times, “Babe, what work do you do when you go out? It is not right that I live with you but I don’t know this.” All the times I asked him, he just shrugged and said, “It’s just some ‘kpa kpa kpa’ movement with the boys.”

Whatever this movement is, it doesn’t seem to fetch him enough money. We live with his mother. So we would save money on rent and food. Yes, his mother is the one who provides our evening meals. She does the cooking herself and gives us our share. I am not happy about this but there’s not much to do about the situation.

The one thing I am happy about in all this is that George doesn’t joke when it comes to taking care of our son. He would give up the clothes on his back just to make sure our child lacks nothing. That’s why sometimes I don’t complain about money too much. His excuse is, “You know I spend all my money on our son’s needs. So let’s manage what is left.”

I was comfortable managing the little we had until recently when he started acting differently. I have been able to put up with everything but he is new behaviour is making me reflect on and think a lot about our relationship. He would leave the house after work and return late at night. Then he would put GHC10 or GHC20 on the table. That is the money he would expect me to spend with our child the next day. In today’s Ghana, how is that possible?

I have complained to him to add to the money but he sang his anthem, “You know I don’t have money. I share the little I get with you and our boy, so manage it like that.” I don’t want to be ingrate. I know he is doing his best but how are we supposed to survive on GHC10 or GHC20 a day? And the fact that he comes home late makes me think there’s something else going on.

I am wondering if he has found himself a new girl that he is spending his money on. Men spend money on women they like, don’t they? So maybe the reason he now brings me GHC10 at the end of each day is because he is giving his best to another woman. All my efforts to talk to him about this have come to nought. He believes he is doing a great job so I should be thankful.

Sometimes I intentionally act rude and cold toward him so he’d know that I am not happy with him. But he either doesn’t notice it or he just doesn’t care at all. When the silent treatment doesn’t work, I start complaining. That one too doesn’t move him. It is only when he gets tired of hearing me talk that he would shout, “Can’t you see that I am struggling? What more do you want from me?” I don’t know what his problem is.

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I am not asking him to give me the moon, or a portion of the sky. I am not even asking him to pay my school fees. My father does that already. Although I am unhappy that we live with his mother, I am bearing it. All I ask is that he gives me enough money to cover my daily needs. But he has shut his ears to me.

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This is what I am concerned about. Should I continue to be with a man who does not listen to anything I say? Moreover, we are not married after thirteen years and have a child together. Let’s not forget the fact that he is not able to provide for my needs. There’s also my suspicion that there might be someone else in the picture, looking at the time he closes home from work.

With all my doubts and uncertainties, is it worth it to hold on to this relationship? Or I should count my losses and move on? Kindly advise me. I don’t want to keep wasting time with a man who doesn’t make me feel secure.

—Tina 

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