She Is Leaving Me Because I Haven’t Been Able To Give Her Mother A Grandchild

When Doris and I got married in 2020, the future was bright and promising. We were young and full of hope. We talked about the kind of family we would have. We were sure we would have beautiful kids who would conquer the world. So four months into the marriage we started trying for a baby.

We thought it would be as simple as having shuperu when she is ovulating. So that’s what we did. However, nature had other plans. We tried it in every position on every day of her ovulation window. However, her period showed up at the end of the month. The next month we tried it again, but the same thing happened. When we still saw her period in the third month, we became concerned.

We went to the hospital, just to be sure that we were alright. The doctors asked us to run some tests. And it came out that I have a low sperm count. “It can be treated,” they said, “we just need to start you up on some medication.” We were relieved that things were going to turn out right.

We prayed, tried the medication, and put in the physical work required to make it happen. But once again we were disappointed. My wife was hit the most by all this because she was under a lot of pressure from her mother to produce grandkids. I comforted her, “I am sorry that we are struggling like this because of me, but let’s keep trying. Eventually, it will happen.” We even went to the hospital and got new drugs. That one too didn’t work. We tried several other drugs but none worked.

The more time passed, the more frustrated my wife became. When I tried to assure her that everything would be fine she said; “That’s easy for you to say. After all, you are not the one facing the heat from my family. They all think I am the problem. My mother has become so worried that she has developed high blood pressure. So don’t tell me to relax.” Shortly after her outburst, her family called me to talk about our fertility struggles. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that she had gone to tell them that I am the problem.

For once, I thought my wife would keep this within the marriage, but people rarely change. This is something she did all the time. She always involved them in our affairs. Nothing happens in our marriage without her family getting to know about it. When we fight, she would tell them. When we have money problems, they’d know. Even when a needle drops to the floor, her family would hear the sound. And they would call me to talk about it. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when she finally told them about our struggles as well.

They recommended we try some herbal remedies if the hospital ones were not working. I bought them and started taking them. Before I could get the chance to test the drug’s potency, my wife packed out of the house. She moved to her parents’ place to help her sister who had just delivered a baby. At least that’s what she told me.

She left in April last year and returned home in four months. The entire time she was gone she refused to come home for just even a day to see me. When I asked that we have shuperu she told me, “I don’t want to have sex that will not yield any fruits. So we won’t do anything until I am sure that it will result in pregnancy.” With that excuse, she withheld herself from me for many months.

I had to try so hard before I persuaded her to give it to me two times in December. After that, she closed off on me till January when we had some misunderstanding over my decision to work as an Uber for a side business. She felt I was disgracing her so I should stop. I explained to her that there is nothing disgraceful about earning an honest living but she wouldn’t listen. Her parents then stepped in and also asked me to stop driving the Uber. And I refused.

Because of this my wife threatened to divorce me and packed out of the house. I didn’t panic because she had done that a few times in the past. She would get frustrated about not getting pregnant, pick a fight with me and threaten to divorce me. So I thought this one too was one of them.

I was at work one day when I received a summon. My wife had gone to file for a divorce. I was so surprised. What did I do so wrong as a husband that she would try to leave me only two years into the marriage?

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When we first got married, she hadn’t been posted to work yet. So I was the one who provided for our financial needs. When it was time for her posting, I had to pay money for her to get the hospital of her choice. When I got tired of her family’s involvement in our marriage, I tried to send her abroad so she would have better opportunities to pursue her career as a midwife, and also detach from her family. However, the travel plans fell through and all the money I invested became a waste. Is that where I failed as a husband?

As I am writing this, our divorce case is still in court. What haven’t I done to try and change her mind? She asked me to take a test so we see if my condition has improved. I did and we learned that there has been a massive improvement. She then told me, “If you want me to come back home, go and talk to my father and ask for his permission to take me home.” I told her it doesn’t work that way because she left herself, but she wouldn’t listen.

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I wanted her back so I did as she asked. Her father said, “I can’t give you permission to take her home until I talk to her first. So I will get back to you.” Later he came back with a response, “I spoke to her but she said she doesn’t want the marriage anymore. She wants to go through with the divorce.” I pleaded with her father to try and talk her out of it but he said there was nothing he could do about it.

This is a woman I love so much in spite of all our problems. I want to hold on and fight for her so we can work on our marriage. But I also think about her determination to leave me and wonder if I should just let her go. I would hate to keep her trapped in a marriage she does not wish to be in. I don’t know which of my choices will cost me the most. That’s why I need your advice. Please what do I do?

—Abakan