He was lurking in the dark when we were dating. He called my girlfriend at odd hours and I saw it. I’m not the jealous kind so I didn’t ask questions, hoping one day, she herself would bring clarity to the issue. She never did. We went to a program and we met this man there. My girlfriend spent all the time with this man during the program. On our way home I asked her, “Who’s that man and why is he all around you? We came to a program together but you ignored me and stayed with him. What’s going on?”

She told me; “Oh Mr. Prosper? You’re jealous because of a married man with five kids? He’s just like a father to me. If my mom was here, she would have told the story better. He saw me when I was in JHS and took care of me until I completed university. Everyone in my house knows him. He’s like a family.”

I went to her house the first time and saw the man already seated with her mom. She went to hug the man before he introduced me to his mom and the man as her boyfriend. Her mom asked, “Must you do this in the presence of Prosper? You could have waited until he’s gone so one day we go to him and officially announced it to him.”

The man added, “Oh it’s OK. I’ve met them together before so I understand what’s going on.” The man got up, shook my hands and thanked me for being there for her. He told me the story of when my girlfriend was young and the sacrifices he made and asked me to take good care of her because she was the apple of his eye. I accepted the challenge and promised to do my best.

When we were doing our traditional marriage, the man was there. He sat at the family side of my wife. During our wedding, he was there. Again, he moved around with my wife’s family. During the reception, he gave us the biggest monetary contribution that day. I saw him as part of my wife’s family. Her dad was dead so I saw him as my wife’s father. Even her mom and siblings confirmed that Prosper was like a father to them

I built a closer bond with Prosper, seeing him as the family head of my wife. He himself told me I could confide in him on issues. I embraced him and gave him unrestricted access to my marriage. He would call my wife and ask her to talk to me. I would get the phone and we’ll spend several minutes talking and laughing like good men always do. When there was something I didn’t understand, I called to ask him for guidance.

I and my wife moved to another town after marriage. Everything in our previous town faded but the relationship we had with Prosper didn’t change. Two years after marriage, we went to a funeral in my wife’s hometown and Prosper was there. He was the only person I knew so I shared a seat with him and did everything with him. A woman said something that drew my attention. She said, “You’re doing very well moving up and down with a man who used to date your wife. You men don’t really care about things the way women do.”

I heard her very clearly but when I asked her to repeat what she just said, she realized I didn’t know about what she said so she retreated; “Oh I didn’t say that. I was only talking about how close you two are. I’m sorry.”

No man hears a thing like that and goes to sleep on it so I started my own investigations. I spoke to people who didn’t know me and they seemed to suggest what I heard was true. I spoke to her junior sister’s boyfriend and he told me his girlfriend has mentioned that to him at some point. I knew that guy. We come from the same town and speak the same language so it was easier.

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I asked my wife about it and hell broke loose. “What do you take me for? That I sleep around with everyone who had been kind to me? Prosper is married. He has five children. The first is almost my age. How can I date such a man? You went to a funeral or you went to investigate my past? What else did they tell you, huh? What else?”

It was supposed to be a friendly conversation but she turned it into a confrontation. Liars are like that. They think they have to overreact to make the truth look untruth but the truth is like energy. It can never be faked or destroyed. I had to apologize to her and move on to my next form of investigation.

I know her phone’s password but there are different passwords to her messaging apps so it was difficult to enter and read what was there. I tried all the combinations I knew but it didn’t work until one day I tracked the movement of her fingers and figured it out. Surprisingly, she had no chat history with Prosper so I read the messages between her and her sister, the one whose boyfriend comes from my hometown. They mentioned Prosper in their conversations a lot and at some point, her sister advised, “Leave Prosper alone before the truth comes out. He’s bad news to your marriage.”

My wife responded, “He knows him and they are even friends. He doesn’t suspect anything. If I cut Prosper off, I’ll miss a lot. He still pays.”

Her sister said, “He still pays because you still see him. He’s done his part. It should end here before it ends your marriage. Let him go. Give him space.”

So the next day, I called her sister and asked her to be honest with me. Of course, she didn’t. Even when I brought their messages into the conversation she told me she didn’t know what I was talking about. Right after talking to me, she called my wife. I saw my wife going out with the call. She came back asking me, “What did you say you read on my phone? And why didn’t you ask me but my sister?”

She denied the truth but I know so much to be fooled. I love her and it’s hard to think of what to do next. As I write this, I haven’t decided on anything and I’ve told her. All I want from her is to accept the truth and confess it so we deal with it together. I don’t want to bring third parties in as I don’t want others to know about our issue. After everything, if we don’t divorce, I wouldn’t know how to face these people I shared the issue with.

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I want to ask Prosper about it. He’s a man like me and I know if I approach him with calm he may be able to open up. We are too young to face such a thing in our marriage. We married early. She was twenty-six. I was twenty-seven. We have a long way to go and can’t do it with lies in our midst. Is it a good idea to meet Prosper? I don’t want to talk to her mother now because I can guess her stand.

I’m counting on Prosper to be a man. I’m believing he would tell the truth and give me the solid ground to make a decision. No, I’m not angry with Prosper. Yes, he’s part of the charade but I can only blame my wife because she allowed it and she’s the one who owes me fidelity. What do you think?

—Tim

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