When I was a little girl my daddy made me a promise. This was the same promise he made to my three older sisters. “If you study hard, I will send you abroad to go to school.” There were no special requirements for this to happen. All my sisters were abroad at the time my father said these words to me. I was his youngest daughter and also his favorite. He was a village farmer but there was nothing he wouldn’t have done for me.

My mother left us when I was very little. I didn’t know her as well as I knew my dad but I missed her. I thought about her whenever my friends spoke of their mums. I wondered if she felt my void in her life the way I felt hers. My father tried his best to make me receive as much affection as possible. However, he could not give me the love I wanted to receive from my mother.

Although I felt incomplete without her, I never said anything to my daddy. After all, I had no hope of seeing her again. So I was very surprised when she showed up at our home out of nowhere. “I am coming to take Awura to Accra. I want her to come and live with me,” she announced. I was elated to hear this but my father was not. Why would he hand me over to the woman who abandoned me in the first place? I couldn’t also tell my dad that I wanted to go with her. I watched as he sent her away saying, “You can leave. She won’t go anywhere with you.”

My dad left for the farm when he was sure my mum was not lurking around. What he didn’t know was that I was waiting for him to leave, so I could go look for her. And I found her. We didn’t say goodbye to my dad. We just joined the next available bus and came to Accra.

Life in Accra is nothing like living with my father. My mother was married to a man who had a son of my age. I was more intelligent than the boy so he was behind me in class. This man made sure that I was repeated continuously until his son caught up with me. He was also very mean to me, and my mum always looked the other way. She didn’t want to speak up for me and create problems in her marriage. But the marriage still collapsed in the end.

My mum and I had to relocate to a cheaper side of town. The downside of living in a place like that is that you get exposed to a lot of vices. Unfortunately for me, I had the body of a teenager when I was barely eleven. My breasts were bigger than that of some adults I knew. Men looked at me and their mouths watered. You would think I was a piece of meat on a grill.

When my mother noticed the kind of attention I got, she started pushing me out to go and make money. I was a child. I knew nothing about making money. But it didn’t seem like I had a say in the matter. So I took to the streets and started selling. On the streets, I was exposed to all sorts of things. There were boys who delighted in groping me and running off. There were men who openly fondled me all in the name of, “I am just playing with you.” I fought off the ones I could fight off. The ones who were stronger than me were at the receiving end of my insults.

One day, one of the men took his “playing” too far when he started to undress me at a place no one would come looking. I tried to fight him off, but he was stronger. I screamed but I was not loud enough. By the time he was done with me, I was left with my torn panties and a broken hymen. I couldn’t tell my mother. She wouldn’t have cared. I couldn’t tell anyone else. I believed they would call me shameful and laugh at me. The worst part of all this was, it didn’t end there. My silence empowered him to keep coming back. It took me four years to finally say, “No more.”

I wish I could tell you that he was the only one who was coming to me; I wish I could tell you that someone rescued me. Sadly, that would be a lie. I was young but I met all kinds of men. My mother asked me to meet them. She told me to keep quiet and allow them to fill their bellies with my innocence. So I did. I did not know that what they did to me was wrong. I thought it was my duty as a good child to bring money home to my mother. How would she love me if I didn’t?

At seventeen, I found myself pregnant for a man who is fifteen years older than me. “I am not ready to be a father,” he said, “Why don’t you take this money and take care of it?” The money he gave me was enough to “take care” of the pregnancy and start something for myself. I took it but I was afraid to do what he wanted. I was equally afraid of what my mother would do to me should she find out. I felt my life was over. I cried my heart out till there were no tears left in me.

I tried to keep the pregnancy a secret till I gather the courage to get rid of it. However, my mother saw the signs. She asked me what was going on and I lied. She brought her best friend to talk to me, and I lied to her too. I told them was anemic. My mother wouldn’t rest until I confessed so I eventually told her the truth. The first thing she asked me was the financial situation of the man. “What work does he do?” “Does he have a car?” when she was satisfied with my answers, she took the man’s number.

My mother called for a meeting with the man’s family, but he was too ashamed to go and tell his family that he impregnated a teenager. So he showed up alone. He was asked to pay child support. He said he could afford to give me GHC200 every month. It was better than nothing, so we accepted it. Could you believe that my mother started fighting with me over the money? I was pregnant without a job, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to spend the little money I received for child support.

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After I delivered, my baby daddy came to visit us. He didn’t like where we lived. So he proposed, “Why don’t I rent a place for you in a nicer neighbourhood. That way my child won’t grow up in a slum.” I agreed. My mother agreed to move with me on condition that we pay her a weekly allowance. Meanwhile, my baby’s daddy gave her a huge sum of money on the day the baby was born. Three days later, she finished everything and forced me to call him and ask for more money.

When I told her we wouldn’t be able to pay her an allowance she refused to move in with me. I had to move into this new place all alone. I took care of the newborn without her help. She only visited me when she was broke. And if I didn’t give her money, she would frown until she leaves. It came to a time when she was bent on marrying me off for money but I refused.

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My dad has heard about my life now, and he is so disappointed that he does not wish to hear my name anymore. When I got pregnant he told my mother, “You’ve finally gotten what you want, right?” I didn’t understand him at first, but now I do. If I knew this is how things would turn out, I would have stayed with him. Even with everything going on, I believe it is not too late for me. I want to go back to my father and throw myself at his mercy. The prodigal son was received by his father. I believe my father will not turn me away when I go back to him.

Before I do this, I need to kick my mother out of my life. She is draining me financially, emotionally, and psychologically. She has given me enough traumas to last me many lifetimes. It’s time I emancipate myself from her. I need ideas on how to cut her off. I also need advice on how to make things right with my father. Please, help me.

—Awura

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