I am a guy with many female friends but I don’t have a girlfriend of my own. I broke up with my first love four years ago, and I have been single since then. I wouldn’t say I am single by choice. I tried to date but all my attempts just gave me heartbreaks. Although I am naturally shy and find it difficult to approach women, I am very good-looking. Women crush on me all the time, but I am unable to make a move on them.

Apart from my looks, I am loving and caring. I am the kind of man who would do anything for my woman if only I had one. I’ve waited all these years and have done many things for different ladies, so they’ll know I’m interested in them. But the fact that I couldn’t open my mouth to ask them out made them walk away from me.

I dream of the day a woman will finally return my affection. God knows I will pamper her. I’m ready to go to any length to demonstrate my love for this person and make her feel that it was worth the wait. As I write this I have someone in mind. I love her and I believe she also loves me. But we cannot be together. This is our story.

I met Abena through Joe, my paternal cousin. Abena’s elder sister is a midwife and has been posted to the town where I live. After four months in town, they couldn’t get an ideal church to attend so Joe gave their numbers to me. My first text to Abena read; “Hi, my name is AB and we’ll be going to church tomorrow.” She didn’t respond to my message until morning. “Who is this please?” she asked. I called immediately to introduce myself, “My name is AB and Joe gave me your contact so I could take you to church.” She responded positively and we continued talking until she agreed to go to church with me.

Her house is not close to mine so she asked me to give her the directions to the church, and she would make it on her own. And I did just that. Later that morning I was in church leading opening prayers when I saw her approaching. I knew she was the one because my church is not big. So I know everyone by face. I asked someone to usher her in and give her a seat. Once in a while during the service, I would steal a glance at her, maybe to see if she is a potential girlfriend.

Service came to an end and I went to welcome her. We became friends right then and there. We would call each other and have long talks. I noticed during our conversations that she knew quite a lot about my cousin, Joe. So one day I asked Joe if there was anything going on between them. He answered “Yes, but we are keeping it between us.” I had feelings for Abena but I accepted Joe’s answer in good faith and moved on.

Abena and I eventually became close. People in our church started spreading rumors that we were dating but I didn’t mind them. One evening, we were having a conversation when Abena opened up to me about how Joe had been cheating on her. She mentioned that Joe had five other girls apart from her and she only got to know about it when he fell critically ill and was on the verge of dying. It was at that point that Joe confessed that two of the girls clashed at his place and it resulted in serious fights and curses. Joe believed the curses caused his near-death sickness.

Abena told me Joe never treated her as his girlfriend. “I have gotten over him. I am back on the market. I will give any good man who comes my way a chance,” she said. I couldn’t talk much. I was pained that she had to endure those treatments at the hands of my cousin when I was secretly in love with her. If only she knew I could move mountains for her. I tried my best to hide my feelings from her, just so I wouldn’t appear selfish or covetous.

I visited Abena in her neighborhood one day and she told me about how she has ended everything with Joe. Again, I couldn’t talk much. I still had feelings for her, and the only thing stopping me from confessing my affection for her was the fact that she is my cousin’s ex. But love has a way of coming out of its hiding place no matter where you bury it. So one evening I was on a phone call with her when I gathered the courage and expressed my feelings for her.

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I could feel her heartbeat from the other side of the line. She melted; she went silent and refused to talk. She then asked me, “Why are you telling me this now?” I knew from all indications that she liked me back. After several questions and answers, we accepted that our only obstacle would be the fact that she dated my cousin. So we decided to make inquiries to see if it is possible for us to be together. She asked me to go and ask my parents, and she would ask hers as well.

Now this is how I’m related to Joe. We share the same great-grandfather. Our grandfathers are brothers, hence our fathers are cousins. Our family is paternal. I went to ask my dad in a hypothetical way and he says it is not advisable to date someone who has been with my cousin. When I broke the news to Abena, she cried. Yes, I’m also hurt, but Abena is brokenhearted. She wouldn’t even look at me. She was inconsolable.

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After all my struggles, I can’t be with the only girl who loves me back? That’s not fair. I’ve spoken to other people and some are saying it’s us against the world so we should fight for our love. Some are also saying that it’ll be a betrayal to my cousin. But who cares about his feelings? He is the one who went to follow other girls and left Abena heartbroken, after all.

Despite our objections, we are afraid. Abena says she knows her parents will also say that it is not acceptable. She’s so hurt that I don’t know how to console her. I asked her to be a friend if we can’t be lovers but she says no. She says she fears that our love will grow stronger, even though we can’t be together. She said she wouldn’t be comfortable around me. But I need her. I can’t just lose two people in one person. Can’t we just ignore the world and hold on to our love? We are both so heartbroken.

– AB

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