Who Do I Choose? My Father Or My Happiness?

I went to the police station to file a complaint against my half-brother after we got into a fight. It was during this time that Boresa noticed me. Throughout my proceedings, I didn’t see him. Maybe he wasn’t there or he was but I was too distracted to pay attention to anyone who wasn’t attending to me. According to him, he saw me the moment I walked into the station. I on the other hand saw him when I was leaving and he walked up to me to say hello. After breaking the ice between us he launched into a lecture on how to peacefully coexist with siblings. I deduced from his speech that he was placing the responsibility on me to maintain the peace between me and my brother.

Before we finally said goodbye we exchanged contacts and promised to keep in touch. I wish I could say my family disputes ended after my trip to the police station, however, they didn’t. My father heard about my fight with my brother and asked me to leave his house. He lives abroad with my stepmother and my half-sisters. So he was nowhere near us when we fought. But my brother called him and told him his side of the story, and that was enough for him to drive me out. I ended up going to stay with one of my female friends while I figured out my next step.

I was very depressed at this point in my life. I couldn’t go to my mother because she is living with my stepfather and their children. I am the only child of both my mum and dad so this makes all my siblings my half-siblings. We could have gotten along well despite this fact but I never felt at home with either side of the family. Everything I do and say is misunderstood and I am always labeled as a problem child. This already made me feel miserable my entire life, so when my father threw me out of his house without speaking to me first about what happened, I easily sank into depression.

Boresa and I were talking around that time so I turned to him for comfort. He had a reassuring way about him. He listened to me as a friend, expressed concern for my situation, and advised me to take heart. By then I was working with Vision1 FM, so I decided that I would save some money and get my own place. Unfortunately, my father wouldn’t let me be. He found out that I had moved out of the house but my stuff was still there so he kept calling me and insisting that I pack my stuff out of his house. “I am warning you,” he would say, “If you don’t go for your things I will let your brother throw them outside.”

“It’s not enough that my father sacked me from his house, now he and my stepmother have asked me to remove my belongings from the house as well. He is threatening to throw them outside if I don’t go for them. I have tried to apologize to them but they don’t want to hear anything I have to say. What do I do now?” I confided in Boresa. “What if I rent a place for you to move into? You wouldn’t be this stressed about everything that is happening if you had a place of your own.” It was a good offer but it didn’t feel right to let someone who is just my friend rent an apartment for me. So I said no.

I decided that I would leave town and go and live with a friend in Tamale until I decide what to do. Boresa didn’t want me to go. He asked me, “Why are you choosing to run away when I have offered to help you?” “We are just friends, so I don’t want you to do that,” I answered. He smiled, “We are just friends? Is that how see you see me? You can’t tell that I have been in love with you right from the moment I met you? I want to be more than friends with you. Is that okay?” I smiled back and said, “Yes, we can be more than friends.”

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After I accepted his proposal he asked me to prove my love to him. He wanted us to make love. I did love him so I agreed and we did it. After all that, I still insisted on moving to Tamale to put some distance between me and my family. He supported my decision and I left. We spoke on the phone at the least chance we got, and constantly confessed our love for each other. “I miss you,” he would say, “Come back to Accra and let’s find a way around your accommodation issues. My offer to rent a place for you still stands.”

I thought deeply about it and then discussed his offer with my friend. She told me, “He seems like a serious guy. Give it a try and let’s see how it goes.” So I packed my stuff and came back to Accra. True to his words, he helped me get an apartment and paid an advance on the rent. After we got the place ready, I went to my father’s house, packed my stuff, and moved into my new place. Boresa, would visit me, and bring some of his stuff over for a night or two. Every time he visited me, he came along with something new, and he wouldn’t take it back when he was leaving. This continued until there was none of his items left at his place. That’s how we ended up cohabitating.

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We have been together for five months and everything has been going on smoothly between us. However, I received a phone call from my dad recently. Immediately I said hello he shouted, “I heard you are living with a man now. Who gave you that permission to leave with a man you are not married to? Tell him that he should come and meet the family and perform your knocking rites, and proceed to marry you.” This is where I have a problem. Neither Boresa nor I are ready for marriage. I also don’t understand why my dad is angry that I am living with a man. He is the one who sacked me from his house without a care for where I would live.

If I disobey him and continue to live with Boresa, my situation with my family will definitely worsen. But how can I force a man to marry me when I know we are both not ready? I can’t also ask him to move out because he is the one who paid for the place. What do I do? How do I handle this without driving away the man I love or completely severing my relationship with my father?