This is not how Selorm and I planned our life but we had to improvise and make the best of the situation. We were both working but we wanted to save enough money for marriage and kids before we tie the knot. However, I got pregnant before we were ready. Though unplanned, the pregnancy was welcomed. We love each other very much so we accepted the baby as an extension of our love.
We moved in together to save money on rent and prepare for the arrival of the baby. My mother also took a break from her work and came to live with us to help me go through the pregnancy. She took good care of me, and when the baby arrived she took care of her as well. I was thankful to have her around because she really helped. We all lived together peacefully. Sure, Selorm and I had our differences especially when it came to sharing the same space with each other and managing that with a newborn. However, at the end of the day, we knew we loved each other and nothing would change that.
After helping us for a while, my mum had to go back to the village to resume her work. That was when the real struggles of having a baby began for me. Selorm works really hard so he is mostly not around when I need a helping hand. I was able to manage on my own until I started work last month and needed someone to take care of the baby. Selorm suggested, “My mother can come and help. Unlike your mum, she is not engaged with work. Plus, it will give her the opportunity to bond with her grandchild.” I honestly didn’t like the idea but I needed help so I agreed to it.
Selorm spoke to his mother and now she is here with us. I am not as comfortable and relaxed around her as I was with my mother but I manage to make it work. Sometimes I find her behaviour toward everything annoying but what can I do? She complains about everyone and everything. Even people she has no business complaining about, she criticises; our neighbours, friends, and strangers. “Look at this person’s makeup. It’s too much.” “This woman’s nails are too long.” “What a short dress? Young ladies should learn how to dress modestly.” She would go on and on. Sometimes I wonder if menopause has anything to do with her behaviour or if that’s just who she is.
She has a particular TV channel she watches. That’s the only one we are allowed to watch. She says all the others are occultic. I may not be happy with all that but I am able to manage it. What I have a problem with is a conversation I overheard recently. She was on the phone with someone. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I heard her say my name so I got closer and listened. She said, “Oh that girl, leave her. She is very lazy. Her food doesn’t taste nice. She doesn’t use spices to cook. You can tell her mother didn’t teach her anything. All she knows how to do is spend my son’s money anyhow. Today work, tomorrow work, everyday work, she doesn’t have time for her child. I will advise Selorm not to marry her. She is not the kind of woman a man should marry.”
Her conversation made a lot of things start making sense. I recall that she doesn’t eat my food when I cook. Sometimes she would see me cooking yet insist on cooking for her son. Now that I know why she does that, I feel sad. The fact that she wouldn’t address whatever issues she has with me but rather tell someone else made me sadder. She laughs with me and acts as if she likes me. I don’t agree with a lot of things she does but I show her respect. I have never had any altercations with her. So I wondered what I did to make her dislike me so.
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To avoid any problems, I don’t sit with her to chat anymore. Even when she is in the hall watching TV, I don’t go and sit there. There is no doubt that Selorm works hard, but I also contribute to running our home. I often buy groceries and pay some of the bills. Sometimes I lend him money to support his business. So I don’t understand why his mother thinks I am lazy and all I do is spend money anyhow.
I love my man and I don’t want to lose him. He is a very supportive partner. He is the type who will give me his last money and go hungry. He also loves his mother very much so I am afraid she can get him to leave me. I want to bring up what I overheard her saying so that we can work things out. But I also don’t know how he might take it. Should I leave it alone and keep doing my best for him, or I should rock the boat and have the difficult conversation about his mother? Please advise me.
–Rejoice
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#SB
From ur write up. U don’t seems a good girl. U perceived the woman to be a problem even b4 she came. U have painted her Black while u don’t find a single thing wrong with u. U r comfortable with ur mum but not his.
Try as much as possible to have a bond with her and pray .Since you were not willing to get close to her how could she tell that there is something wrong with the way you cook or handle things. The word of God said drawer closer to God and he will draw closer to you so draw closer to and she will to you.
Do not rock the boat in any way. You will make her hate you the more and you will make her bring her hatred to the open. Your man should know better and know what he wants. If your Selorm is controlled by the mother from the beginning then you are doomed. Do what you are doing and do it right. I hope when you have a son you don’t do the same to your future daughter-in-law.