I met him on a work trip. He was a client I attended to. We had a connection and I knew we were going to see each other after the business transaction. I just didn’t know how. I played my role as a professional woman and dealt with him like any other customer. He didn’t have enough cash to cover his cost so I gave him my number so he would pay the balance via mobile money. After the transaction was finalized, he asked “Is it okay if I call you later so we meet up for a drink?” There it is. My instincts were right. I nodded and smiled “I’ll be expecting your call.”

He called in the evening and we met in the bar of the hotel I was lodging at. We talked about ourselves and tried to use the little time at our disposal to get to know each other. He asked “Adwoa, are you single?” I had just started talking to someone so I didn’t consider myself single. I told him “I am not single. I just started talking to someone recently. What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” He said “I used to have a girlfriend but I don’t anymore. I caught her sleeping with another man in a room I paid for.” I was sad for him “Oh sorry about that.” He brushed it off “Oh it’s fine, I’m over it. Life is short. Besides, I want you.” I was impressed by his directness. I really liked him. I said, “I like you too but let me set things straight with the person I’m talking to, and then we can see about us.” He seemed pleased to hear that.

I did break things off with the other guy and got together with this man. It was that simple. I could even say that it was love at first sight. I lived in another region but he came all the way to visit me, and I made it worth his while. We had a lot of fun and many good times. When he left, the vibe continued as it was in the beginning. We talked on the phone from dawn to dusk. We were so in love we even made plans to spend Christmas together. Everything went as planned, and I spent Christmas with him. Christmas and love make the season magical and I felt every bit of the magic. It was too good to be true. You know what they say “If it’s too good to be true, then it’s too good to be true.”

One night he fell asleep before I did and I saw his phone lying by him. My curiosity got the best of me. I went through his phone and nothing could have prepared me for what I found. The man I had fallen head over heels for was dating three other women besides me. I woke him up and confronted him; “When we met you said you didn’t have a girlfriend. So, who are these three other ladies? Why did you lie to me?” He couldn’t talk. He just knelt down and cried like I just told him his mother died. He held my legs “I’m sorry baby, please forgive me. I will make things right. I will break it off with all of them.” I should have walked away from him that very night but I loved him.

The next morning, I left his place for mine. I couldn’t stand to be around his lying face. I ignored his calls and his texts. I needed space to process what I found out. He said he would break up with them and I believed him but it doesn’t change the fact that he lied to me and played me. He sent texts saying, “You are not being fair to me. I told you I’ll break it off with them but you don’t believe me.”  It was hard but I stayed away from him until I couldn’t anymore. My job involves a lot of traveling so I ended up going to his town again. It must be fate. I went to see him, and he… let’s just say his power of persuasion was really good. I was in town for business but I had a lot of pleasure. All was forgiven, and we were back together.

When it was time for me to leave, he said “Adwoa, I will miss you.” I told him, “I will miss you too.” I had truly forgiven him and we were back on track. This happened in March 2020. The same month the country recorded its first Covid-19 case and some parts were on lockdown. My region wasn’t affected by the lockdown but my company introduced a shift system in order to reduce the number of people in a workspace at a given time. That month I missed my period. Initially, I wasn’t concerned because I had an irregular cycle. Three days later. It was still not in. Just to be sure, I bought a pregnancy test kit. I took the test and it was positive.

I took a picture of the test strip and sent it to him, but he didn’t respond. I called him and he answered, “Did you see the photo I sent to you?” He said, “Yes, I have seen it.” “What are we going to do then?” I asked. He answered, “I think you should have the baby.” I wanted to have the baby too. I recalled a conversation we had in the past where he said if I got pregnant, he would want us to keep it, and I realized that’s exactly what he was doing. If I ever doubted that he had changed, then this was a confirmation that he was no longer in the business of lying to me. I wasn’t ready but I felt calm knowing he would support me.

The next day he called me sounding like a completely different person; “I’m not ready to be a father yet. And this is not how I want to meet your parents. In fact, I dream of my first child being born in the USA.” He said a lot of things that made me lose hope in our relationship. I cried continuously. I didn’t want to have an abortion and I never planned to be a single mother. The stress and disappointment caused me to fall sick. I was admitted to the hospital and this man came to visit. When he came all he kept saying was “Since you’re already at the hospital, let’s just go ahead and end the pregnancy. It will be best that way.” I told him I wouldn’t do it. I called my father who lived in a different region from where I lived, and he came. My father asked him what his intentions were, and he said “In my family, we don’t marry a woman while she is pregnant. So I’ll wait till she delivers the baby, then I’ll perform the marriage rites.”

Later after that conversation, he came with his sister to meet my dad and my uncle officially. He brought drinks and a token of money to perform the knocking rites. He said his mother wasn’t well so they couldn’t bring her along. My folks were very understanding. They didn’t give them a hard time. Everything went smoothly from there and I was sure we would get married after the baby was born. The first time he met my mother, she asked him “Apart from my daughter is there any other woman in your life?” He responded “No ma. She is the only one I have.” He and my mother got close and they even called each other from time to time.

When I gave birth, he came to spend some time with us, we did the naming ceremony on February 20th, 2021. When I broached the topic of marriage, he said he didn’t want to get married. We could be in a committed relationship but no marriage. He said he made the mistake of marrying someone in the past and it didn’t work out so he wouldn’t get married again. I couldn’t believe him. I reported the issue to my mother. When my mother asked him if I offended him, he said I didn’t. This same person on the day of the naming assured my family that he is preparing to come and perform the marriage rites so how was he telling me that he didn’t intend to get married? Once a liar always a liar. After that conversation, he changed. He didn’t even bother to hide his lies anymore. They were so blatant.

One time I called him on a video call, and he told me was going to work. After the call ended, I saw on his Snapchat that he was in my town, around that same time. I called him back immediately and asked “Where are you?” He said “I’m at work. Like I told you.” I called him out on his lies and he responded with a “Fuck you. If I’m in town it doesn’t concern you. The person I’m interested in seeing is my daughter, not you. If you want to live longer mind your business witch.” Ah how? How did I become a witch? It was like watching a plane crash. One moment everything is fine and the next moment everything is falling apart and there’s nothing to do to stop it. I called his sister to tell her what he did and how he behaved. She was shocked. She asked, “So if he is not with you then who is he with?” I cried as I told her “Your brother has changed and I don’t know why he’s treating me this way.” She tried her best to comfort me.

Later that evening, he came to the house and pretended as if he didn’t insult me in the morning. He continued behaving poorly towards me. He even asked that I pack our things so we go visit his mother one Saturday. He said his mother wasn’t doing well. We were supposed to go on a Saturday but he didn’t show up. He didn’t answer his calls either. He came that evening and behaved so badly towards me I even collapsed. Nothing he did make sense. The change in his behavior was all too sudden. My mum decided that we go visit his mother without him and tell her how he has been acting lately. I called to inform his sister about our plans. That was when he started calling me. I didn’t pick up.

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When we got to their place, his sister and brother picked us up and took us to the house. It was my first time meeting his mother. She received us warmly and asked about our mission.  My mother and I told her about our relationship with her son. She looked so pained while we narrated our story. When we finished she said “It appears you don’t know that my son is married. He is married and he lives with his wife.” When she said this, I couldn’t even see. I was blinded by tears. I turned to his sister and asked “Your brother is married? And you knew about it? When did this happen?” She couldn’t talk. I was inconsolable.

His mother gave us a place to sleep for the night. I couldn’t sleep, not after what I discovered. I went to Instagram to distract myself from my heartache. That was when I saw his wedding photos. He got married on the Saturday he asked me to pack my things so we go visit his mother. What did I ever do to him?

Long story short, I learned his wife had a baby in July 2021 meanwhile he got married to her in March. So, she was pregnant at the time. What he told my family that he couldn’t marry me while I was pregnant was another lie. I thought he loved me but it turns out I was just a good time for him. It hurts. It hurts so much. I’m scared of this journey of a single mother. What if I never find someone to love me? I’m ashamed to tell people that I have a baby seeing as I’m not married. I’m thankful for my family and my bosses at work. They’ve been a strong support system.  I have lost confidence in myself and I am afraid of what the future holds. I saw all the signs but I didn’t walk away and now I’m ruined.

–Clara

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