Dear Eli,  

I don’t usually engage men I meet on Facebook but there was something about the way you approached me that made me give you a little bit of my attention. Soon, that little attention transformed into friendship, and I must say that I am glad I took that chance on you. When you asked for my number, I gave it to you without any hesitation. After all, you said you were single, and so was I.

Eli, we had a good relationship, didn’t we? You were so sweet and kind to me. Do you know that I have never had a man show me that level of kindness? That’s why it was so easy for me to lower all my inhibitions and thrust my beating heart into your steady hands. To me, you could do no wrong. Everything you did was just so perfect. And your lips, every word that fell out of those lips sounded like the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my ears.  

This is why I didn’t doubt you when your ex came into the picture. You told me, “My parents have grown very attached to my ex-girlfriend, and they want me to marry her. I have tried several times to tell them that I am with you, but they don’t care. She is the only girl they want me to end up with. So even though it breaks my heart, I have to let you go so that I can give things another go with her.” Eli, that was the first time you ripped out my heart. I couldn’t tell if what you said was true, but I chose to believe you. My reason was, “Why shouldn’t I believe him? Eli has never lied to me.” I even felt bad for you, because I believed your parents put you in a difficult situation. You were the one who wrote me off, yet I blamed it on your parents. I suppose it was easier to blame them for your actions than to believe that the man I was madly in love with didn’t love me as much.   

Shortly after you left, you crawled back into my life like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs. You were sorry, that’s what you said. Instead of getting mad at you, I wrapped you in my arms and rejoiced at your return. I remember telling you, “It’s okay darling, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was your parents who sought to tear us apart but fate is on our side. The higher powers endorse our love, that’s why they brought you back to me.” You were so happy that I took you back that you blurted out, “Now that I am back, I am not going anywhere again. What do you think about us getting married as soon as possible?” I laughed at your eagerness. Do you remember? My answer was; “Of course, I want to marry you. The problem is, I am not ready to do it now. You know I am not financially stable. Give me some time to sort myself out.”  

I knew that wasn’t the response you wanted but you promised to wait for me. Then another woman came into the picture. You didn’t tell me about her but the streets whispered her tales. Everywhere I passed, her name and yours were mentioned together. Rumour had it that she was your girlfriend. When I heard about it I was livid, not because I doubted you but because I hated the lies they were spreading about you. I asked you, “Have you heard what people are saying about you and Ella?” You nodded, “I don’t know what that girl’s problem is. I haven’t expressed any interest in her, yet she is going about telling people that I am her boyfriend. I hope you didn’t believe any of that nonsense.” I smiled at you and said, “If you say they are all lies then I believe you.” Why wouldn’t I believe you? You never gave me a reason to doubt my place in your life.” 

Then came a time I realized you were dating Ella for real. I asked you, and you didn’t deny it. You said you didn’t mean to fall in love with her but you did. I asked what it meant for us, and you said; “I love you both, so give me some time to work my feelings out.” I believed I was the one you truly loved so I held on, in hope that you would come to see it for yourself. Then, one day you sent me your wedding invitation. That was the second time you ripped my heart out. I was so confused and broken. I kept asking myself; “How come someone who said he will wait for me is getting married to Ella? A girl he told me he was confused about.” At the end of the day, I loved you very much so I wasn’t mad. I just chose to move on with my life and keep you as a friend. 

I met Kwame after you got married, and I gave him a shot. We were still good friends so I told you about my relationship with him. When he started cheating on me I told you about that too. Kwame and I often broke up and got back together. And anytime I needed some comfort you were the one I talked to. One day when we were talking, you told me; “Afi, I have gotten an opportunity to travel abroad. So I will be leaving town soon.” I was happy for you, but I also knew that our friendship may not survive the distance.

I remember telling myself, “Now that Eli is leaving town I have to try my possible best to get over him.” And I honestly believed that you would cut me off when you leave, but you reached out to me the minute you settled in. It didn’t matter that you were married, we had naughty conversations. The kind that filled me with the desire to act on them. The desire became more palpable the last time I saw you. I really wanted to forget about what the Bible says about adultery and shag you real hard so you wouldn’t leave my side again. But you were the voice of reason.

READ MORE: I Did Everything A Good Wife Was Supposed To Do, But My Husband Still Strayed

You told me, “Afi if we indulge our desires and it results in pregnancy, you won’t see or hear from me again.” That statement was like cold water on my skin. It quenched the fire that was raging inside me, and I let you go. I am not going to lie, the statement haunted me. I believe if you truly cared about me you wouldn’t threaten to ghost me if I got pregnant with your baby. So when you went back abroad I lay my feelings at your feet. I told you about all the times your actions didn’t match your words. I asked why you couldn’t wait for me if you truly loved me. I talked about how you broke my heart on two occasions and still said you loved me.

Maybe it wasn’t the things I said but the way I said them. You got so angry that you deleted my number and blocked me everywhere. You may have been awful to me but you are one of the most beautiful and priceless things that ever happened to me. That’s why I miss you every day. I have moved on with my life but it doesn’t feel right that we are not in each other’s lives. If you are reading this, can I hear from you again? I just want us to be friends. So, kindly get in touch with me if you would like us to reconnect.  

Sincerely,  

— Mimi

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