I’m in nursing school, and I have never been in a relationship before. I believe the last time I considered the notion of a relationship was when my male best friend confessed his love for me.

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He is also in school, but he has been present and consistent in my life. His actions tell me that, indeed, he loves me. I knew I cared about him. I just wasn’t sure if the love I felt for him was amorous or platonic.

Then I went for my clinicals. That was when it all became clear. Over there, I met a lot of interesting people—both students and staff from the ward I was assigned to. One of the medical officers I worked with caught my eye.

Kumi is a gentle and kind soul. At first, I was just excited to be his friend. But as time passed, we grew closer. I liked everything about him—the way he smiled, the way he talked, his gait, the sound of his laughter—everything.

I didn’t realize when it started, but every time I think of him, my heart flutters. Seeing him always filled me with happy feelings. Talking to him satisfied my heart in a way I didn’t understand. That was when it hit me, “This is how it feels to fall in love.”

I thought I was containing my feelings, but they spilled through my actions. He noticed it and asked me one day, “Why are you behaving as if you like me?”

I had two options. I could laugh it off and tell him to stop playing. Or I could tell him, “That’s because I do. I’m in love with you.” I chose the latter.

Kumi responded to my declaration of love with advice. “Right now, you are still very young. Focus on your education and enjoy your youth.”

I don’t think that at 23 I am too young to be in a relationship. But I couldn’t have forced him to be with me, could I?

While I have been working on figuring out what to do with my unrequited love, he insists on keeping in touch with me.

He calls to check up on me and encourages me to study hard.

I am always happy when he calls. However, it leaves me wondering where I stand in his life. Do his constant calls mean he also likes me but is being careful? Or does he just want to be a friend?

I’ve never felt this way about any man before. He is the first person who has stirred up these tingly feelings in my heart. I am always thinking about him. Sometimes I want to check up on him too. But I stop myself from doing that because I know he is busy. I don’t want to disturb him. Besides, I heard that he has been badly hurt by a woman he fell in love with when he was in school.

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The person who shared the gossip with me said, “The relationship ended only four months ago. His wounds are still fresh. So if you want his attention, you have to be patient.”

I may not understand what he is going through, but I am patient enough to wait for him to heal. All I need is to know if he will ever love me back. Waiting is easier when you know it will be worth your while. However, there’s no way to tell how he feels. It’s just the constant, “I’m just calling to check up on you. Study hard in school.” Does this mean anything?

I wish I were experienced enough to handle this confusion. I don’t know anything when it comes to emotional relationships with men. Most of the time, I just enjoy watching movies and minding my business. I even used to argue with my roommates that love and romantic relationships were unnecessary.

Now, look at me. I find myself caught up in a love web of confusion. I am here loving a man who is too wounded to let me know whether or not he loves me. Should I wait for him despite the uncertainties? Or should I focus on my male best friend—the one who has made his love and intentions loud and clear to me?

—Perfect 

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