The story you posted this morning brought back the memories of our beginning. After reading the story I asked myself, “What do ladies really want?” But then, I’m also guided by the fact that people are different and we ought to treat them the way they want to be treated if only we want to have them in our lives. 

I was a very shy guy when I started dating my wife. I would confidently say that for a very long time she was the one dictating the pace of our relationship. She was outspoken and didn’t hide her feelings. I hung around her for a very long time and didn’t know how to go about the proposal. Everything she did showed that she was interested in me and I was interested in her too but when it came to where it mattered most, I didn’t know how to go about it.

One afternoon, I rehearsed my lines very well, ready to pounce. I met her in the evening while rehearsing the lines in my head so I don’t forget a thing. Immediately she saw me she said, “What kind of shorts are you wearing?” Didn’t you see it’s for women?” I said, “It’s not for any woman. I bought it myself.” She said, “Next time check where the zip is when buying something like that. This zip faces the left side. Men’s zip faces the right side. You wasted money to buy mɛtɛ (a woman’s dress)? ” And then she laughed out loud as though she had received some happy news.

I stood there looking stupid. My lines got jumbled in my head. I didn’t know which was the first line and which was the last. I told her, “I won’t wear it again.” She said, “When you take it off, wash it and bring it to me, I will wear it for you.” And then she laughed again. When she settled she asked, “You said you have something to tell me, what is it about?” I said, “I’ve forgotten. Maybe I brought myself here so you can have a good laugh about my shorts. It’s always good to see you.”

Now it was my turn to laugh when she was trying hard to get me to tell her the reason why I called her. She turned and started walking away. I called her, “Oh Esi don’t go away. We have to talk” She responded, “Call me when you wear proper shorts.” 

Fews days later, I gathered the vim and proposed to her. She asked, “Since when have you thought about proposing to me?” I said, “I’ve thought about it for a very long time. I didn’t want to destroy our friendship, that’s why I took my time. You remember the day I told you I had something to tell you? Yeah, I was going to propose.” She said, “You were going to propose while wearing a skirt? You were lucky you didn’t.” She had a good laugh again and then said, “No problem. You like me, I like you too. We’ve been friends for quite a long time and you’re a cool guy so why not?”

So we started dating. She came to visit often. I always looked forward to her visit with great anticipation, thinking of all the things I would do to her when she comes around. She would walk into my room and immediately I see her, the lion in me will turn into a kitten. I couldn’t even sit closer to her. She will lay on my sofa, watch movies, and slept for a while. She will wake up and see me seated there, then she would say, “If you don’t have anything to talk about then I’m leaving.” I would say, “But you just came? Why don’t you wait a little bit longer (while I gather vim to do things to you)?” That part in the bracket was said in my head. It couldn’t come out.” 

She would look around for her slippers and while putting them on, she’ll say, “I have things to do in the house. Obviously, you have nothing to tell me so I will go and come next time.” 

She’ll come next time and things would be the same. It was three good weeks after she had said yes to me. That afternoon, she had come to visit, looking as beautiful like I’ve never seen her before. I stole glances. She caught me looking at her. She asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?” I said, “You’re looking beautiful.” Out of nowhere, the following question followed, “Can I kiss you?” She looked at me weirdly. She asked, “Are you serious?” I said, “I’m very serious. I want to kiss you right now.” She laughed. She said, “No you can’t kiss me.”

READ ALSO: She Says I Should Have Asked For Consent Before Kissing Her

Her answer was straightforward and it came to me like a dagger through the heart. I asked, “Why not? This is the first time I’m asking you that and you say no? Why are you always trying to be difficult?” She said, “No you can’t kiss me. That’s my answer.” She left my place not too long afterward. In the evening when I called her she said, “Which kind of man in his right senses will ask for permission before kissing? That’s too old school. You sounded like a kid asking her madam, “Please madam may I go out?” Who does that? A kiss is what you take. The fun comes from the surprise. All of a sudden boom, you take it. Can I kiss you? Just imagine.”

“So my sin is asking for permission, right?”

“Asking for permission takes the salt out of the soup. You knew the iron was hot. All you had to do was strike it and not ask questions.”

The next time when we were alone, I went right for it. She turned her head away from me. I chased her head. She turned again. I chased. When I finally got her lips, the feeling was surreal.” She said, “You want to prove that you’re a man now right?” I said, “I’d always been a man.”

On our wedding day when the pastor said, “You may kiss the bride,” I asked her, “Can I kiss you?” Everyone at the chapel burst out laughing. They didn’t get the joke yet they laughed. The pastor said, “I’ve given you the order to kiss her and you’re there asking for permission? What kind of ‘dog humility’ is that?” She understood the joke just the way I meant it and that was the fun.

I’m sharing this story not to encourage guys to go around throwing careless kisses. As I said from the beginning, women are different. Men are too. You only have to know the kind of woman you are with and what might suit her before you do what you want to do. My Esi didn’t like the idea of asking for permission. Yours might want you to ask for permission before you blink your eyes in her presence. Do what she wants. If you can’t, find a different person who might be suitable for your emotional needs. The definition of assault is becoming very subtle and technical these days. Don’t be caught in the web. Beware of lips you kiss. You may be kissing a poisoned chalice.

–Andoh

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