When I started dating Amos, I was twenty. He treated me like a princess. There was no day I lacked anything. The moment I told him what I needed, he gave it to me. Sometimes I didn’t need to tell him. He just anticipated my needs and provided them before I got the chance to ask. That’s one thing I enjoyed about the relationship; the way he pampered me and gave me the princess treatment. A man who takes care of his woman’s needs easily wins her heart, that’s one thing I am sure of.

One thing about Amos was that he hated cheating. He was very passionate about monogamy. Whenever there was a discussion about cheating partners, he would stand against it with every drop of blood in his body. It was one of the reasons I was happy to be with him. It was good to know that I was with a man who wouldn’t cheat on me because he himself couldn’t stomach the thought.

This is why I was surprised when things began to change when I left for Kumasi to pursue my degree. Initially, things were going pretty well. However, when I got to my third year in school, he began to behave differently. There was a lady who kept coming up. They worked at the same place. All his suspicious behaviors were tied to her. So I suspected that he was cheating on me with her. He tried to hide it but when you know someone, you will know when they start spending their time with another person.

I asked myself, “Why is someone who detests cheating, cheating on me? Is it because of the distance?” As much as I hated it, I later confirmed that he was cheating on me with the lady at his workplace. I forgave him because I loved him so much. But he didn’t let her go. She became a constant in our relationship. He would tell me he was cutting her off, only for me to find out that he was still dating her. Most of our fights were about their relationship. This continued until the lady and I got in touch with each other.

We had a peaceful conversation about the fact that we were sharing one man. She was lovely and we both liked each other. So she decided to cut Amos off completely so I could have him. That was when this man started crawling back to me. I wasn’t ready to throw away years of our lives together so I accepted him back with open arms.

Everything went back to normal. It was as though he never strayed. And I became the happy girlfriend I used to be. After school, he helped me get posted to a reputable organization for my national service. Four months into my service, we got married. After service, I got a job in the same organization.

Things were going well in our marriage until a year later when we found out that I was having trouble conceiving. We saw a fertility specialist and were advised to try IVF. We did it and the lord blessed us with twins. Our happiness was boundless. My husband proposed, “Why don’t you quit your job so you can have time for the kids? I will pay you twice what you are earning if you are concerned about your livelihood.” It was a good plan. One that would enable me to present for our children and nurture them full-time. So I said yes.

Life was good for us. He continued to treat me like a princess. I barely stressed at home. I had everything at my disposal. He even bought me an Audi as a gift. Anything that was sure to make life comfortable for me and the children, he did it. I was happy. Our kids were happy and healthy. And our home was filled with peace and love. We were the kind of family you would see on magazine covers or in TV commercials.

Eight years into the marriage, I started suspecting my husband of infidelity again. He is a tall man. And I know most women like tall men. He is also intelligent. When you talk to him, you will fall in love with his brain. So I never blamed the women for falling for his charms. He was the one who made marriage vows and he was the one who was breaking them. So I was holding him accountable for everything he was doing.

Things started getting quite rough between us because I wouldn’t stop nagging him to stop chasing other women. When he got tired of my complaints, I brought in his parents to talk to him. They did their best but he still didn’t change. When I told him, “If you don’t change, I will ask for a divorce,” he went ballistic. He told me he would never grant me a divorce and that I should never mention that word in our home again.

How could I continue to stay with an unrepentant cheater who wouldn’t grant me a divorce? One day when he left for work I packed out to my mom’s end without taking anything he bought for me. Not even the car. That was when he knew what was at stake. In his attempt to salvage the situation, he came along with his family to apologize for all his wrongdoings. I accepted his apology but when he asked me to return home with him, I refused.

A few months passed and he realized I was not coming back so he moved us from my mother’s place to one of his apartments. When I agreed to go, he gave me back the Audi he bought for me. We also agreed for him to get the kids only on weekends. From there, I got myself a job to keep me busy and my mind from overthinking.

It was at this new job that I met Johnson. He doesn’t work in our organization but he usually comes around to collect some documents to work on. We started talking and hanging out. He was an amazing person to be with and we developed some likeness for each other.

He said he was only waiting for me to finalize my divorce so he would marry me. Meanwhile, my husband wouldn’t hear anything about us getting a divorce. He told me, “I have faith that you will return to me again. It’s just a matter of time before you see how deeply I regret my actions. Until then, we will only be separated.”

When the kids were away with their father for the weekend, I would either go and spend some time at Johnson’s end or he would come to mine. Things were sweet at first but they are starting to get messy between us. Whenever I went to his place, he would insist that I give him my car to use. And I always turned him down.

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There were days I wasn’t with him that he still called and asked that I let him use my car. This is someone who drives a Toyota Vitz so it didn’t make sense to me why he wanted to use mine. I always told him, “This isn’t a car I bought with my money. My husband bought it for me because of our children. How would he feel if he saw another man driving it?” None of these explanations sank well with Johnson. Every time I turned down his request, he would get upset and refuse to talk to me for days.

One time he called me after I had not heard from him for weeks. He asked for the car again. Out of frustration, I asked him to come for it. It was a full tank when I gave it to him but he brought it back empty. I texted him the next day to let him know that would be his first and last time using my car and this guy flared up and started spewing nonsense.

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It’s been two months and three weeks since this argument happened and we haven’t spoken to each other. When I text him he doesn’t respond. He still comes to my office but he doesn’t even look in my direction let alone smile at me.

At this point, I am wondering if I should just go back and live with my husband or if I should allow Johnson to use my car for peace to reign. Or do I move on from them both? I am very confused. I got married when I was twenty-four but now I’m thirty-four. Please advise me.

—Tilly

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