My favorite color is green so when I saw her in her green uniform, she caught my attention. Later, I realized it wasn’t so much about the green. It was rather the one in the green that made the green greener. She had this beautiful smile that drew me in immediately. Fortunately for me, she was a friend of a friend and that made things easier. I got her number from that friend and called her one Sunday afternoon. I spoke with her for about five minutes. She didn’t ask, “Where did you get my number?” She talked to me like she had known me for ages. Girls who don’t ask, “Where did you get my number” are rare and that increased my affection for her.

After that phone call, I met her at a bar close to her school. She said, “You know I can’t be in my uniform and sit here with you. It gives a bad vibe to the integrity of the profession. Let me change into something new and come back.” I sat at the bar waiting for her. Glass in hand. Malt on the table, sipping slowly just to while away time. Minutes later she came. She wore a white shirt on a red skirt. I said in my head, “Don’t make me fall for white and red colors. My loyalty is for green color.”

She looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. We sat. We talked. She said, “So you took my number from Daniel just because you want to be friends?” I responded, “Yes. I have no malice. All I want to be is your friend.” She nodded and while at it she said, “So be it. No one says no to friendship. We don’t know where life would take us that we’ll need more friends. So yes to friendship.”

Weeks later, we were having a different conversation. We were having the kind of conversation people in love have because we were in love. She was my girlfriend and I was her boyfriend. Sometimes you go into a relationship with one foot outside because you’re not too sure. I’ve done it before. With Erica, it was always like that. I don’t know why but she looked like someone who will easily break a heart without thinking twice. I was half scared and half in love. When the time came for her to draw the last sword, I said, “I knew this right from the start that’s why I wasn’t all in.” She found a man who could give her the world so she escaped without saying a word.

I learned to enter into relationships with half heart but when it came to Beckie, I went all in right from the start. It could be the green she wore. It could be the look in her eyes each time we spoke. It could even be the way she said my name. I was committed right from the start. One afternoon, she visited and when she was leaving, she packed everything of hers in a bag. I asked, “Why? Are you not going to come back again?” She said, “I don’t know. Maybe I will. Maybe I will not.” I was shocked. I looked at her critically. I said, “Beckie, please look at me. Look at me and let’s talk.” 

She couldn’t. I knew something was wrong.

“You don’t know if you would come back here again? Are we fighting?”

“No, we are not fighting.”

Did I say something that didn’t excite you?”

“No.”

“You found something about me that’s pushing you away?”

“No.”

“So what is the problem?”

“I just need some time off to think about this relationship. I don’t know but I need some space.”

No, I wasn’t going to let her go. The first time I’ve gone all in and she’s going to leave me just after two years of relationship?” I tried all my best to see what the issue was. Her answer was the same, “I need some space to think this over.”

She was in school when I found her. I supported her with all I have. I paid her fees. I bought her books. I paid for hostel accommodation she didn’t use, (she was always at my place) I went as far as seeing her parents to introduce myself to them as the man in her life. So when her parents were no longer paying fees and buying books and paying for hostel fees, they knew I was at the wheels. I did nothing wrong, I didn’t even encroach on her space but she needed some space so I gave it to her.”

A week later, she called. She said, “I’m pregnant.” I said, “Erm, ok. So what do you want us to do?” She said, “I will have it.” I screamed, “Great! Let’s have it. Let’s have a baby. If you don’t mind, we can put something together quickly and get married before the pregnancy begins to show.” She said, “That’s not what I want. I want to be married the right way. I’m a woman. I’ve dreamt of wearing a beautiful long wedding dress and walking the aisle with my hand in my father’s hand, leading me to my husband. That dream hasn’t changed. I won’t marry in a rush just because I’m pregnant. I will give birth and do it afterward”  I said, “No problem dear, whatever floats your boat, let’s do it.”

My family went to see her family to officially accept the responsibility of the pregnancy. I made a promise to marry her officially after she delivers. Her parents were receptive as usual. After that meeting, she packed her things and came back to live with me. My happiness returned. I woke up each morning and saw her by my side and felt fulfilled. She was the reason I worked harder than I used to. She was the reason I rushed back home each day after work. She was the reason for so many good things in my life. When our baby was born, it brought a new sense of responsibility in my life and I vowed to make life easier for her and my new baby. 

Her postings came when our child was close to a year. I asked her, “Shouldn’t we get married now that the stars have aligned? You have a job now. We have a baby who is almost a year. We don’t have everything yet but we don’t lack so why don’t we make this relationship official?” She said, “I’ve thought about that too but let me settle at work and know my left from my right first. It’s never too late to marry.” Again I said, “I live for your happiness. Whatever floats your boat, I’m all for it.”

She worked for a year. We didn’t have any troubles or challenges. One evening, I returned from work and realized something was missing from our room. I went around checking everything frame by frame to see what was really happening. Everything that belonged to Beckie was gone. The makeup kit was gone. Her side of the wardrobe was empty. The shoes on the rack were no longer there. The rack itself was gone. I went to the bathroom. The soap she used to bathe was also gone including her face towel. All of a sudden I felt like half a man. The mirror on the wall reflected my full image so I knew I was there in full but I didn’t feel like a whole human—half a man, half a heart, half a soul.

Women have a way of bringing fullness into your life. It’s slow and subtle so you don’t see it happening. You don’t feel you’re full to the brim until they leave you—especially when they leave you unexpectedly. Half full? Half empty? No. You’re just empty. 

I was in the bathroom when I picked my phone and called her. I called twice she didn’t respond. I called her father. I asked, “Is Beckie there?” There’s this shame that descends on you when you call your wife’s parents to ask if they’ve seen your wife. It’s a question I pray no man would have to ask their in-laws. They left their daughter to you. You should be the first to know where their daughter is so why call them and ask if they’ve seen her? It means you’ve failed in protecting what was entrusted to you. You gave trouble to what you were supposed to love unconditionally so she ran back home. That’s how I felt when I asked her dad if he had seen her.

He sighed. He said, “She’s here. She came this morning with her daughter strapped at her back.” I asked, “Can I talk to her?” He said, ”Sure, why not?” Seconds later, her father spoke on the phone again; “She said she’s not ready to talk now so she’ll call you later.” I picked a taxi and rushed to their house. I had questions. I was getting angry. Frustrated. My compass was no longer at the north. I was disoriented. I got there and picked my daughter before I saw her coming out of her room. Immediately she saw me, she went back in. I followed her there. I asked, “What is the problem? What is happening?”

“Can’t you see this is not working? I feel like I’m stuck with you because we have a child together. When I said I needed space to think about the relationship years ago, I was leaving. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I found out later. I felt I didn’t deserve to be a single mother so it was the pregnancy that pushed me back to you. I thought the child would bring us happiness but it turned out differently than I anticipated. I don’t know what is wrong with me but I’m not into it anymore.”

I tried. I did all I could to bring her back home but she said she couldn’t live with me knowing she didn’t love me the way I did. I concluded she had found someone else. It was the only reason that felt feasible. She had found an old love. The old flame sparked and now they are having a ball. It was the only reason that could get me angry enough to move on from that episode of my life. She had my daughter, so I went around to see her as and when I could. I sent money to Beckie’s mother for the upkeep of the child. Some days, I will go for her and spend some days with her. 

I was in a shop one day with my daughter. I thought she was standing next to me as I was at the counter making payment. I made the payment and threw my hand down trying to hold her hand but my hand stayed empty for a couple of seconds. I looked down and she wasn’t there. My heart skipped. It’s a small shop but I ran around screaming her name. She didn’t answer. I stepped out and saw her standing in front of a woman and her family. I rushed for her and took her home. That episode scared the hell out of me so I stopped going there to pick her up. 

A year later, I found a girl who didn’t come wearing green color but she was green in her own ways—beautiful and subtle in grace. Her name is Grace (No, I didn’t mean to form a sentence with her name. It just happened.) I proposed to Grace and she accepted to carry the broken pieces of me and help me mend. She said, “Women are complicated sometimes. Are you sure she wasn’t in her menses when she left? You know, hormonal imbalances can make a woman take the kind of decision she took.” It didn’t matter anymore. I had to move on with Grace and start a new life together. 

READ ALSO: Two Reasons Why Couples Fight In Marriage

I’ve dated Grace for a year. She had been awesome. She had done nothing wrong but had done everything for me to know and experience love in a different color than green. On November 5th 2021, I was out with Grace when I saw Beckie’s father calling my phone. He said, “My daughter has had a change of mind. She says she wants to come back and make things work. I’ve spoken with her, she looks ready and sure about it.” 

I don’t know but my heart skipped. I said, “She’ll need to call me so we talk.” I spent the rest of the night thinking about what I just heard. Grace asked, “Why are you quiet?” I said, ”Let’s go, it’s late.”

The following day was a Saturday. Around 5pm I heard a knock on my door. When I opened the door, it was Beckie and my daughter standing at the door holding the laundry I hung in the drying line. She said, “It’s already evening. The sun is no longer shining so why do you still have your laundry up in the drying line?” I covered my lips in my hand. I didn’t want her to see the happiness on my face. I haven’t seen them for months. She came in and we talked. I was frank with her; “I still love you but it’s not going to be easy to take you back, especially when I already have someone in my life. If I didn’t, it would have been different.” She said, “You’re not married to her. I have your daughter. You love her and you still love me. My mind is cleared now. I love you so much. I only needed the time to clear my mind and focus. Would you choose her over the two of us? When you leave her, she’ll move on. When you leave me, we can’t move on because we have a thread that runs right through us—our daughter. But I won’t push you to choose me. Just think about it. If you reach the conclusion that we are the one you want, call us.”

Beckie is still green and green is still my favorite color. Grace is still graceful. I still don’t intend to make sentences with her name but it just happens every now and then. Where do I go from here? Grace doesn’t know I’m going through this battle of choices. I don’t intend to invite her into my storm. Where do I go from here, Green or Grace? Please help me decide.

—A Man Between Green And Grace   

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.